Anger is a sin more dangerous than lust
by Shortsnout
Summary: Harry Potter after the death of his Godfather is now a hollow shell floating around Hogwarts. Severus angry at this new Potter sets himself out to goad him into his old annoying self. This sparks Severus Snapes new obsession Harry Potter. Chapters edited
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series or any of the characters. This Fic takes place shortly after book five but will not be following the story line of book six or seven. _

**Chapter 1**

It was normally the astronomy tower that students went to when they wanted to be alone, either by themselves or with a significant other. If not there then a lucky few who knew about the room of requirement went there, which handily came with its own bed.

However Harry didn't want to be found tonight or any other night, so a simple class room in some simple corridor among the many of Hogwarts was sufficient enough. Here sat Harry upon a table, his head in his hands and his elbows resting against his knees.

The few candles lit gave a faint glow around the room casting long shadows, giving refuge to any creature that wanted to hide there away from the glare of the flames.

Harry didn't notice his jade eyes were fixed at a spot on the cold marble floor but were unseeing as they were clouded by whispers of memories. His shoulders tensed and his jaw was set as he recalled every moment spent with Sirius. Every emotion that was tied to his deceased Godfather: Joy, Admiration, Bewilderment and Anger.

Joy for the realisation of the link he and Lupin gave him to his family. Two people who actually knew his parents and when talking about them, didn't usually finish the sentence with, you have your mother's eyes or you look just like your father. Harry could work that out for himself with aid of a mirror and a picture of them.

Admiration for the steely will power of the man. To spend a large portion of your adult life with everyone thinking you a murderer, and then to live out your days having every happy thought you can think of being drained from you. To come out and still be relatively normal, that must take some back bone of steel.

Bewilderment that such a person you look up to and look to for some parental guidance turns out to be a complete bully. Yes Snape was a complete dickhead and occasionally deserved a cauldron to blow up in his face and cover him in some horrible liquid to make warts appear or something, but to constantly target him? It angered him as much as it had when Malfory targeted Neville for his rememball.

Then there was anger. Anger for Sirius not living up to Harry's expectations of a role model. Anger for him being so reckless and getting himself lost, making his wait in Azkaban seems completely pointless. Harry also felt anger at himself. For wanting someone to look after him, when he had been perfectly capable to do himself.

Harry was devastated there was no mistaking that, but his soul was more in turmoil about his prophecy then anything. But he couldn't explain this feeling to himself let alone any one else. His friends had given him plenty of side long glances and asked him plenty of questions as to how he was feeling, but he honestly had nothing to tell them.

If he was honest with himself the idea of running away had crossed his mind briefly just so he could be normal like everyone else. Oh yes the thought of Voldemort terrified everyone but they didn't need to directly fight him, they at least could try to flee.

He sighed and thumped the table with his fist. It was the second time in his life that Harry Potter just didn't know what to do. The first was when he was younger, sitting inside a cupboard facing a bleak existence. Then the world of magic had been laid before him, a wonderful escape from the limited world of the cupboard and school.

No one had told him that one of the world darkest wizards would be baying for his blood.

Racist prick.

Now Harry just felt empty his school work and the magic elements that once excited him didn't hold much wonder any more. In fact nothing really stimulated the boy that lived anymore. He still got on well with his friends but his zest for life seemed to have disappeared.

Severus crept down the hall in typical potions professor mode. Contrary to popular belief he was not a vampire and actually enjoyed sleeping. He did not appreciate giving up any hours of sleep to do nightly rounds. If some student ended up strung up by their ankles by Peeves then that was their own damn misfortune.

The only thing that would make this bearable would be if he managed to catch one of the trio of Gryffindors that plagued his existence. Granger was a rare catch but a Weasley or Potter was often more likely.

He turned right at the end of the corridor and stood on a cat stretched out. It spat at him and swiped at his leg before scampering away fur bristling. Cursing he hoped it was McGonagall.

He was sorely tempted to give it up for the night, but then his attention was caught by a faint glow from one of the classrooms. The heavy wooden door had been left slightly ajar.

Whoever it was should have been more careful. Severus would have walked right past it had it been closed. It was more then likely a pair of students. He was toying with the idea of bursting in there and giving the students the fright of their life, before he settled on the stealth mode approach.

Dumbledore was not the only wizard who could make himself invisible without a cloak. Severus's image blended into thin air and he manovered himself into the class room. He was taken back when he saw the silhouette of Potter, sitting all by himself.

Well it appeared to be Potter. It looked more like the shell of Potter.

Severus was aware as was every other member of the faculty that Potter was not his usual brazen annoying self. He just floated by to classes and didn't fight back when Severus goaded him. This annoyed him even more.

The students eyes were dull and Potter seemed miles away. Must have been so stressful being a student only having a few lessons and then filling your life with pranks and other such frivolities. He truly detested the freedom of Potter. Granted the Dark lord seemed to have some sort of obsession with the boy, (Merlin only knew why).

But even with the Dark lord stalking him Potter got away with such leniencies Severus could only dream of when he was a student.

Potter's blasted relatives had refused to take him back without his blasted Godfather able to bully them into it. Even the persuasive word of Albus Dumbledore hadn't been enough to convince them to keep the spoilt brat. Although they were Muggles Dumbledore was just another name to them.

Severus could admit to himself he was a little jealous of the things Potter got away with. He had wished when he was a student he could have stayed at Hogwarts for the Holidays. His teachers barely said one word to him being a Slytherin and all; he didn't really have friends even now.

His quest for acceptance had lead to the Dark Mark and still he was excluded from both sides not really trusted by either.

It was for this reason he primarily detested the young boy. True he looked like his father and that was reason enough but the way every one fawned upon him and doted on him was sickening. He hadn't even achieved anything worth merit, his existence was due to his mothers sacrifice not his strength of magic.

True he had a run in with the Dark lord a few times, but he wasn't even at full strength yet and Potter had ample protection around him. Hell he had the full order at his back at the last encounter.

So it was baffling to Severus why the boy was here sitting all alone looking haunted. Then again this Potter shell had been present for a while now. It made him uncomfortable when people did not act the way they were meant to.

It made him uncomfortable because he recognized himself in the boy.

Someone who was lost and did not know where to turn.

Before he could even confront the boy Potter and got down and made his way out of the classroom. Removing himself from the comfort of the shadows fully intent on taking away points he jerked back the door after Potter and nearly slammed into the boy who was staring up at him.

"Something you wanted Sir?" He inquired meekly.

Damn Potter to hell. He was the most feared Professor and here the brat addressed him as if he was holding him back after class, rather then being caught red handed out after curfew. He could at least have a bit of fear in his voice.

"Is your disregard for the rules inherited, learnt or due to your lack of intelligence Potter?" Severus whispered venom dripping from every word.

"I apologise Professor. I just wanted to be alone to think. I'm going back to my dorm now." The boy turned on his heel and walked away.

That was it? Where was the sarcastic response? No Severus was not satisfied with this.

"Although you may have many a member of Staff wrapped around your finger you do not have that favour with me. Fifty Points from Gryffindor and detention tomorrow night with me at seven!" Severus snarled.

Potter turned and nodded his head. "Tomorrow at seven." He agreed.

No angry retort? Just this calm acceptance. Now Severus wanted to make him angry.

"Thinking about your long lost Mutt?" Severus regretted the words as soon as they came out, even he was not such a bastard that he would play on the grief of someone.

The boy stopped walking again and his hand clenched. "Yes actually. I don't forget who caused his death Snape." Potter growled.

Just how had he caused Black's death? He alerted the Order as soon as Potter gave him the stupid Padfoot message.

"What are you prattling on about Potter?" He asked confused.

But the boy just walked away.

(Damn him!) Severus snarled hitting the stone wall with hit hand. Just what was going on with Potter? Whatever it was he resolved to get to the bottom of it. Sighing he moved back towards the dungeons.

He really hated it when his mind became obsessed with something.

It seemed that something was now going to be Harry Potter.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Severus tossed off his bed sheets in frustration and sat up in bed. After performing a quick Tempus spell and finding it to be just after two, he was most displeased.

Whatever did Potter mean by blaming him for Black's death? He had alerted the order and then joined the ranks of Death eaters when he was summoned. Even then he had not been witness to the fight between Potter and Voldemort, nor had he seen how Black had died.

Thumping the bed mattress in frustration he stood and went into his living quarters. Pouring himself a glass of red wine he absentmindedly lit the fire with his wand and seated himself in a chair beside it.

Ever since being a spy for Dumbledore he had never killed in cold blood again, even if they had tormented him for years on end.

Sighing he rubbed his temples and sipped his wine.

He was going to regret this in the morning.

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Harry crept back into his dorm but he didn't have to worry. His friends were all fast asleep. Harry doubted that they would have woken if he just clomped about. He took off his clothes placing them carefully at the end of the bed and settled in between the covers. Yawning he used his wand to pull back the drapes around his bed and pulled his glasses off at the same time.

Of all people he had to run into Snape was one of them.

Truly he was mad at him. Partially he blamed Sirius's death on him, but Harry knew that was just his mind wanting to place the blame on someone. True Snape might have goaded his Godfather into going that night, but Sirius was stupid to listen to his rival then listen to Dumbledore who said he must remain hidden.

Harry's mind was a jumbled mess. He was mad at Sirius and mad at Snape. Yet he understood Snape and understood why Sirius wanted to go. If Dumbledore said he couldn't leave the building yet he knew Ron was in trouble…well Harry might just have done the same.

But Harry also knew what it felt like to be bullied, and unwanted by your relatives. He felt something akin to pity as he mulled over Snape's life. From what he had briefly seen of his memory he knew his home situation had been similar to his own, and then to come to the safe haven of Hogwarts only to belittled once again?

He snuggled into his pillow. He guessed there were some similarities between him and the greasy bat. Who would have thought?

Harry's eyes snapped open suddenly. Just how was it Voldemort was aware of this prophecy binding them together? Also how did he know he had to go after his family?

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Severus nursed his cup of coffee holding onto the mug for dear life. He had a disturbed nights rest and was exhausted. The inane chatter in the great hall was rubbing his back the wrong way.

He glowered the best he could with tired itchy eyes before drinking his saviour. A bunch of Ravenclaws who up to this moment had been quiet suddenly roared with laughter, which pierced straight into his skull.

Severus wanted to stab everyone who was making noise with his fork.

The Ravenclaws shrieked once again. Sod the fork a spoon would be more painful.

For some reason Severus knew exactly when Potter entered the Great hall. Then again he had always known when Potter had entered the hall. Spy's intuition it must have been. He watched with narrowed eyes as Potter sat between some of his friends and picked up a piece of toast to eat.

Other then that Potter was quiet and did not seem to engage his peers. Odd. In all the past years Potter had thrown himself into conversations and been just as loud as the rest of the students. How long had this shadow boy been like this?

Severus turned his gaze and found it caught within the intense one of Dumbledore. His hand tightened on his spoon. Please not this early in the morning.

"You seemed to have noticed our young Harry is not what he used to be." Dumbledore inquired.

"He does not seem his usual self no." Severus whispered his voice cracking.

Dumbledore cast a critical eye over him. "Are you feeling alright Severus?"

"Perfectly Albus just a little tired. Nothing a quick pepper up potion cannot fix."

Both Professors watched as Harry stood up and left the Hall leaving behind his half eaten toast. Severus was surprised it was only Granger that watched him go. He at least expected Weasley to be concerned.

"We burden the young to soon Severus." Dumbledore sighed and drank some pumpkin juice.

Just what was eating Potter up? Yes his Godfather had just died and the boy was probably going through some stages of grief but that would pass. This seemed so much more then that. It was as if Potter had given up the will to live. A little extreme for the grief process.

"I shall need to speak to Harry today. The boy has too much happening right now to be left alone. Some things need to be explained to him." With that as his explanation Dumbledore got up to follow the boy.

Severus scowled. Just what was going on around here that he didn't know about? He normally knew everything that was happening in Hogwarts. His mug felt cold in his hand so his coffee had gone cold. Well that meant there was no longer any reason for him to stay in the hall. A potion awaited him.

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Harry knew someone was watching him from the breakfast table. He could just sense it. His arm hairs were standing all on end. Subtly he scanned his table but no one appeared to be looking his way. The other house tables all seemed preoccupied. He briefly caught eyes with Malfoy who flicked him the finger. Mature.

Other then that Harry couldn't see anyone looking at him. Munching on his toast thoughtfully he looked towards the teacher table and briefly caught Snape staring at him intensely before talking to Dumbledore. Ah that explained the hairs standing on end. Snape had to have one of the world's most menacing stares.

His inky black eyes appeared soulless and devoid of any sort of emotion. Although Harry had seen them flare up in anger. His eyes what did they remind Harry of? Not ink like he just thought. Not quite the colour of coal. Harry tapped his lip with his index finger as he thought. Aha he had it. Beetle shells. That's what they reminded Harry of.

They only added to the menace of the stares. Second only to Voldemort. Suddenly thinking about him felt as if Harry had been dunked in ice cold water. Something cold uncurled in his stomach and suddenly he was no longer hungry. He threw his toast down and left as fast as he possibly could.

He had only made it down the dim corridor when Dumbledore caught up with him. "Something wrong my boy?"

Harry stopped and looked at the Headmaster. "No sir. I just wanted to clear my head before lessons started."

"Ah a wise decision Harry. You do not want to impair your learning by having your mind already crammed with information."

Confused as to what Dumbledore wanted he just nodded.

"I was wondering my boy if you could accompany me back to my office. We haven't had a chance to talk since the end of last year. I'm sure you have questions." He dangled in front of Harry like a carrot

Harry agreed. He wanted to have this prophecy explained to him in terms he could understand.

He followed Dumbledore up to his office thinking over things. He turned his head when Dumbledore gave his password to offer some privacy.

Once they entered the office Fawkes trilled and glided down to meet them. Resting on Harry's shoulder, he butted his feathered head against Harry's cheek. Smiling Harry stroked the crimson bird, its warm feathers warming his cold fingers.

"Sit my boy sit. Would you like anything to eat? Drink?"

Harry shook his head and sat in front of the desk. Fawkes hopped down from his shoulder and shuffled along the woodwork until he got to his perch, where he settled down.

"Now Harry tell me what is going on?"

Harry smiled that was Dumbledore straight to the point.

"I don't quite know sir. I'm angry at Sirius for dying. I seem at a loss as to what I should do with myself."

Dumbledore nodded and waited to see if Harry was going to say anything more. He did not.

"Anger is a normal part of the grieving process Harry. It will pass and eventually you will be able to look back on your Godfather with fond memories. You seem to be dealing with the grief better now though." Dumbledore looked pointedly at his office. "It took me a while to sort this room out after your little outburst at the end of last year."

Harry looked abashed and stuttered an apology, which Dumbledore waved away with a wrinkled hand.

"I understand my boy. They are just material things. Easily fixable. But Harry I sense more is going on then just your loss of Sirius."

Harry cleared his throat. "Sir it's just I don't quite understand what this prophecy mean for me. To be honest with you Sirius took up most of my thoughts over the holidays and now I want to understand what it means for me. What it means to the war."

Dumbledore looked at him for a few moments. (Too often we ask the young to grow faster then nature intended.) "The prophecy referred to a child born at the end of July with the power to over throw Voldemort."

Harry nodded. "I understood that sir. It was the last part I wanted clarification on."

"You do not need me to tell you Harry. I know you are a clever boy and have figured it out."

"So I cannot die unless it's by Voldemort, and he cannot die unless it is done by me." Harry whispered sadly. "I just always thought I would help with the war not be the one to fight it. I don't think I can kill anyone sir."

"I'm afraid young Harry that this is something you cannot avoid Voldemort cannot be stopped by any one apart from you. Can you really walk away knowing all the pain and suffering that he causes and will continue to do so?"

Harry knew Dumbledore was manipulating him, and playing on his soft spots but Dumbledore was right. "It is just a lot to take in sir."

"I fully understand. You have time to come to terms with it though, and you will not be fighting the whole war alone."

"There was another thing I wanted to know however sir. How did he know it was me he was referring to? The prophecy doesn't state and his name shall be Harry Potter."

"No it did not. There were only two children born at the end of July. Yourself and a mister Neville Longbottom. However Voldemort decided it was the Potters it was referring to as they seemed the more powerful threat then the Longbottoms."

"Although they were tortured as well."

"The Dark lord leaves no stone left unturned Harry."

"One other thing sir. How did Voldemort find out? He would not have endeavoured to steal it from the ministry if he knew the whole of it. As far as I was concerned Professor Trelawney and you were the only people that knew."

"It appeared we were spied upon and new was given to Voldemort." Dumbledore weighed up the worth of telling if the truth. Harry would probably figure it out anyway and that would drive a further wedge between him and Severus.

"A young professor Snape who craved power, over heard us and relayed part of the prophecy back to Voldemort."

Harry looked up shocked before it merged into anger, and to think he was beginning to feel sorry for the snarky older man. "And you let him stay here!" Harry ground out.

"Severus regretted what he did and has made up for it ever since Harry. He jeopardises his life daily for our order. He may have made mistakes in his youth but he has grown to be a very brave man, who must live with the fact every day he caused your parents death."

"Well if you excuse me sir it doesn't appear to bother him all that much." Harry spat. First his parents and then Sirius, why didn't Snape just kill him and destroy the Potter line that way. Would be quicker.

"Harry do not be angry. Professor Snape has proved himself to be a loyal man. Do not forget it was Voldemort who decided to kill your parents not Severus. When he found out what had happened he changed to the side of the light. It is a knifes edge the man walks. Between dark and light, accepted by neither side."

Harry needed to get out of here. "Sir my first lesson is about to begin, and it is a lot to take in at once. Please may I be excused?"

Dumbledore gazed at him and the silence stretched out. "Alright then Harry. But feel free to come talk whenever you wish."

Harry muttered a hasty yes before rapidly exiting.

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Severus hated teaching it was the bane of his life. He swore to Merlin he was not this incompetent when he was a student. Potions were not even that hard. You just had the mix the right ingredients when instructed.

So why it was the students got them wrong! Two visits to the hospital wing, a melted cauldron and some nasty substance in the sink that Severus was not going to go near.

At least the day was done, dinner was eaten and he could relax until tomorrow. That was at least until he heard the knock at the door. Cursing he looked up at the clock which read detention time.

Potter! Damn he had totally forgotten. This is what sleep deprivation did to him. He was off his game today. Still he perked at the prospect of finally getting Potter to snap and return to normal. He strode to the door and opened it, looking down at an already angry Potter.

He had not even done anything yet Severus thought to himself. Caught off guard he didn't see the right hand hook which sent him to the floor.


	3. Chapter 3

_Thank you to everyone has read this so far, an awful lot of people had added me to author alerts list, and while this is encouraging and flattering, a review can help me so much more in improving my writing._

**Chapter 3 **

"How barbaric of you Potter, and how truly muggle." Severus snapped from the floor.

Harry slammed the door shut, hardly noticing it was done with wandless magic. "You are right Professor." Harry made the word Professor as sarcastic as possible. "Allow me to give you a punishment more fitting of the wizard race. Petrificus Totalus!" He yelled before Snape could move.

Severus didn't see the curse coming and screamed obstinacies at Potter with sheer will power. Harry of course couldn't hear what Snape was saying but by the glaring in his eyes he knew he was beyond pissed.

"So it seems the big bad Death Eater can get stunned by little ole Harry Potter." Harry taunted resting on his haunches so he could look Severus in the face. "So a little pixie tells me I have you to personally thank for killing my parents. Thank you professor Snape!" Harry ground his fist into Severus's nose.

"So what did they do to you? Was it house rivalry? Or did my mother do better then you at school?" Harry circled his prey angrily. "It must have been something pretty important if you just handed them over to Voldemort!" Harry watched Snape's face pale considerably.

(The brat knows the truth.) Severus thought fearfully. (And I am completely at his mercy.) He growled angrily. How dare Potter cast a spell at him when he was not prepared. He was never not prepared. To be so insured instant death with the Dark lord. It was such a weak spell being performed by an average student; he should be able to throw it off. But he was completely frozen on the ground.

Harry stood over him his wand pointed. "Say hi to them for me." He snarled.

Severus refused to close his eyes in surrender. It was fitting Lily's son should be the one to end it. It was comforting to know he was looking into her green eyes as he passed into death.

Nothing happened.

Both Harry and Severus stared at each other for a few moments. Harry sighed and seemed to deflate. He sat back down on the floor and took the spell of his Professor. "I cannot kill you. I cannot kill anyone."

Severus sat and looked into Harry's eyes. "You are weak Potter just like your father. You had your parent's murderer right at your mercy and you could not follow through."

"Voldemort killed them not you. He's the one who needs to be killed."

Severus laughed a dry raspy sound. "Arrogant son for an arrogant Father. Pray tell me just how is it you a boy are going to kill the Dark Lord when Albus Dumbledore cannot?"

Harry looked at him in bewilderment. "You of all people should know. You sneak."

"Potter I have no idea what you are babbling about." Severus drew himself up. "Now I believe I shall go see the Headmaster. I believe assaulting a member of staff is enough to have you expelled."

Harry shot up and glared at Snape. "Do not fuck with me Professor! The prophecy? The one you delivered on bended knee to your Snake lord!"

Severus returned the look. It was amazing how much Potter actually looked like Lily when he was angry. "There was nothing in it that mentioned you, you spoilt brat."

"It still mentioned my parents."

Severus was silent. He had him there.

"You did not hear the end I take it?" Harry enquired.

"Potter just what are you getting at? You are really trying my patience!"

"The prophecy was about a boy born to parents. Who everyone assumed was my parents correct?"

Severus nodded.

"You don't think it odd that it mentioned a boy and his parents and then just ended there! It was about me you git! I have to defeat Voldemort! Only I can do it no other person is actually able to."

Severus looked at him, mouth slightly agape. Well at least he understood the Dark lord's fascination with the child. But it seemed he was to blame for more then just Lily's death. He had unwittingly put a timer on her sons head as well. Severus walked to a stool in the room needing to sit down.

Harry sat opposite him.

"There are few things in my life that I regret. One was and will always be telling the Dark lord what I heard that night. The only way I could make up for it was to become a spy and ensure that you survived." His dark eyes bore into Harry's. "You continue to try my patience just like your bloody father."

"I'm not him." Harry pointed at his eyes. "And these aren't hers either. I may look like James Potter with Lily Evans eyes. But I am not them. My father was good at Transfiguration, my mother Charms. I like Care of Magical Creatures and Defense against the Dark arts. I was born for a purpose neither of them have. I have a destiny that only I can bear. It must be borne alone." Harry sighed. "When will you see Professor that although something may look like something else it can often be completely different?" Harry stood up and went to leave. "I'm sorry for striking you. I will take responsibility if you decide to go to the Headmaster."

"I will train you." Severus whispered.

Harry turned his eyebrow raised. "Pardon sir?"

Severus stood. "I made a promise I would aid in the protection of Lily Evans Son. It seems you may need that help more then ever."

"Are you doing this for Harry or for her?" Harry enquired.

Severus scowled. "Everything I do for you is in debt to her." He growled. "Now leave. I will summon you when all is ready."

Harry nodded and left the class room.

Severus rubbed his head. "At first it was for her. But now I feel it might be for Harry Potter." He whispered to himself.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Severus stared at Potter during breakfast the following morning. Well his version of staring anyway. He never directly looked at him, the corner of his eye served just as well. The boy was alienating himself from his peers. He was sitting amongst them still, but didn't seem to be a part of them. Weasley and Granger still seemed to be caught up in pubescent hormones and didn't notice their third wheel hardly eating.

He drank deep from his coffee. Dark, warm and bitter. The best way to start a day.

Potter had shaken him up last night, and actually caused his cheek to bruise. It was quickly removed with a potion, but Severus had yet another sleepless night. He had never realised Potter would be the one to remove the Dark lord from the world. Potter served as a distraction while the big Wizards fought to destroy him, plotting behind his back, but it seemed the hope of the world rested upon the shoulders of the young boy.

Severus had felt a little responsible for his part in causing Potter to be the chosen one. But Potter had known he was always a bit different then everyone else. Surviving the killing curse had ensured that. It didn't give him the excuse to give up on life.

Something that irked Severus very much.

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Harry sat in his last class of the day, History of magic, trying to come up with a strategy to kill Voldemort. Everyone around him was interested in something else, or falling asleep. Not many people noticed him these days anyways. Voldemort hadn't tried to kill him in a few months so his popularity had gone down a bit.

Harry snapped his quill in frustration. There was nothing he could think of that would kill Voldemort short of an all out duel. At present time he would probably go down in history for being killed quickest by Voldemort.

He lifted a jade eye to glance at Hermione who was scratching away at her notebook, Ron sleeping on the table beside her. He wondered if she knew a way, or some sort of curse he could use. Hermione took a break from her note taking and looked down at Ron, a soft smile spreading across her face.

Harry sighed. He couldn't ask her. She was so wrapped up in her new relationship and Harry was happy for both of them he didn't want to put a burden on them. Just how exactly could he phrase, "Hermione can you help me find a way to kill Voldemort or I will be dead soon?"

It put a downer on things.

He put his quill down and looked at the board lost in thought. So Professor Snape was yet another person who saw Harry as either James or Lily. He liked it sometimes; it made him feel close to them. But he wished someone could see him as Harry and not just an extension of James Potter. He had thought Snape might be the person to be able to do that.

At least he treated him like every other student and refused to bow to his supposed fame. It made Harry feel like Harry and not the boy who lived. But even Snape still saw Lily behind the glasses and James within the face.

Harry was grateful of the offer of training but he wasn't going to accept it. He distrusted Snape and didn't want to give him chance to bully him time and time again under the pretence of learning. Besides it was for Lily Evans he wanted to help. And Harry was not Lily Evans.

The bell went and Harry stood as the others did, placing his books back in his bag. He filed out behind them as normal, went to dinner as normal, but did not retire to the common room. When he was sure no one was looking, he escaped out the doors and down to the pitch.

The night was dark and chilly. Harry's walk was brisk as he walked to the pitch, his breath escaping him in smoky exhales. He summoned his firebolt and waited for it to come to him. His skin was adorned with Goosebumps and before long he felt the warm wood of his broom nudging his hand, like a beloved pet. Harry stared at the broom; the one Sirius had got for him.

He felt sorrow threaten to swamp him as he recalled getting the broom. Not for the first time he wished his God father was still alive. Shaking the feelings away he mounted the broom and sped into the air, content to fly with the wind.

After his blood was pumping through his veins keeping the cold at bay, did Harry slow and glide gently around. He looked at the sky his green eyes reflecting the glittering stars. The air blew around him keeping his skin cool. His palms were warm as they kept control of the broom, the odd contrast made Harry's skin tingle.

Harry looked down at the broom. Yet another reminder he was his fathers son. He sighed still lazily circling around. He wondered if his father enjoyed flying because he was a good seeker and wanted to impress his peers. Or if it was the same reason Harry flew. For the sheer freedom of it. After being locked away in a cupboard for much of his life, to suddenly soar beneath the open sky, with the clouds as your limit, truly made Harry feel happy.

He just wished he knew who Harry Potter was. He didn't want to be the boy who lived. The Potter boy. He wanted to be himself. Just Harry. It was confusing to himself. He felt like he didn't know who he was. It was like he was type cast into this role and he had followed it his whole life. Until he found out he was meant to kill someone. Something most people had left out telling him.

Harry sat up straight on his broom. He would do it. He would train and learn all the spells he could. He would find himself on the process and when Voldemort was dead and the curse upon the magical world was lifted would he be himself and people would see him for that.

He flew to the ground and stretched his back. He started his way back up to the castle when his neck hair pricked and he turned wand withdrew. Someone was watching him.

He scanned the stands, senses on alert but he could see nothing. He moved slowly back to the castle keeping alert but nothing happened. Chalking it up to paranoia he went back into Hogwarts.

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Severus watched as the boy circled around the pitch. He had spelled his coat to keep warm and he was invisible once again. Potter had his head in the clouds and appeared oblivious to his presence. The Wizarding world was doomed. How easy would it have been for Voldemort to come in and smite him from the air?

The boy needed help for his own good.

Severus noted the boy looked upset and wondered why. He had to admit Harry looked graceful in the air, content to drift around. James had only been on the pitch when a match was playing. Maybe junior was different from senior after all.

The boy's skin was farer then either of his parents and his hair, even though it stuck up all over the place looked soft and well cared for. He was shorter then both his parents had been. This made Severus believe maybe this person was someone unique.

He floated very close to where he was sitting, and Severus was struck by the absolute despair and the boy was showing. He appeared to be lost. Now that indeed was a Harry look and not a Potter one. Something inside his chest stirred and he was not sure as to the cause.

It was only when Harry looked around from the ground scared, that Severus realised he had begun calling him Harry. It was a few seconds when he realised he had begun an obsession with him.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

_Thank you for all the reviews I received. Praise is always welcomed but sometimes we forget we should be writing for our love of it, and not for numbers._

_Disclaimer: Although this is based on book six and Severus was actually the Defence against dark arts teacher, in this fiction he is still a potion's master. Slughorn will be the dark arts teacher. So that means Harry got the right grade to get into Potions._

_Although just a reminder that this is a fan fiction and sometimes the events will not follow that of the book. Harry's friends may seem a little preoccupied but there is a reason for that and how many of us fell in love as a teenager and spent a lot of our time with that person sometimes neglecting friends? _

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Harry sat listening as Professor Slughorn taught them the finer points of casting a stronger protection shield. Protego was strong but it had a few flaws. Harry was actually taking notes, a different approach from usual. Which was watch it once and then try it yourself. Hermione had already commented about how proud she was that Harry was finally using initiative for his N.E.W.T.S. He hadn't the heart to tell her he was about to start training himself and had smiled weakly back.

He watched as students were called up and told to try and shatter the shield around the Professor, and watched them all fail. Harry hadn't be called up neither had Hermione. Harry suspected the Professor was worried that one of them might actually be able to break it and cause Slughorn to lose face. Harry would probably shatter the shield out of sheer force and Hermione had probably thought of a strong counter curse.

Harry looked over to see if Hermione had written anything on the weakness of the Protego curse, or how to make it stronger. She hastily scribbled on a piece of paper telling him to do his own work and stop copying. He huffed and nudged her playfully before looking back at the front of the class. Students were packing away so the end of the lesson was clearly close at hand.

He glanced at his timetable to see what was next and slumped physically in his chair as he saw it was potions. Just what you needed. He didn't want to see Snape after he had punched the teacher. Harry didn't want to get roped into this training either. He was very capable of doing it himself.

The bell went and he waited for the mad rush of students to leave before he attempted to leave the room. This was the first error he made of the day, as Professor Slughorn cornered him wanting a word. He was going to be late, detention was now already on its way.

"Ah young Harry, I hadn't received your word that you were going to be attending the little get together I had planned. For my more gifted students." Slughorn beamed at him. Clearly this was a privilege he didn't divulge on many.

Harry didn't remember being asked to some party. He had other things on his mind, Sirius's death, his prophecy and oh yes his impending death.

Slughorn like all the other Professors had seen something was wrong with the young Potter boy. Unlike all the others who were giving the boy space to come out of his troubled period, and Professor Snape who was treating the boy worse then usual, Slughorn thought it would be a marvellous idea to cheer the boy up with one of his wonderful parties.

"Sorry Professor I completely forgot, but I better be leaving, I'm meant to be in Potions right now and Snape will give me a detention for being tardy."

"Ah Professor Snape can wait." He brushed the boys concerns away with a flick of his wrist. "I'll give you a note explaining you were with me running a very important errand." Slughorn moved to his desk and pulled out a piece of parchment with an impressive eagle feather quill. "Now Harry will you be attending my party?" Slughorn pinned him with a beady eye.

Harry knew he couldn't say no. He hated not being able to say no to people, he was never very good at it. "When was it again sir?" Maybe Harry could try and get into detention that day. "This Friday at seven sharp." Harry sighed. Today was Wednesday. "Yes sir I'll be there." He held his hand out for the slip.

"Excellent Harry I'll see you then. Don't forget seven sharp." His professor all but beamed at him.

"Thank you sir, I won't forget." Harry clasped the note in his hand and exited the room.

The corridors were empty and silent. Harry cursed under his breath; he must be very late for Potions. Snape was going to murder him. He thought about not attending the lesson as he was already late and had probably missed the start. The rumpling of paper in his hand caused him to look down. He had a note surely even Professor Snape couldn't go barmy over that.

He was of course wrong.

As soon as he entered the dungeons where Potions was being held he knew he was dead. The classroom went deathly quiet and Snape swooped upon him like a Dementor who had found the world's happiest person, billowing cape and all.

"And just why do you think you can stroll into my classroom late Potter?" He whispered.

Harry handed the note over, forcing his hand not to shake. He had punched the man for Merlin's sake, he shouldn't scare him. But damn, Harry thought looking up into his coal eyes and the hard lines around the mouth. Snape could be scary when he wanted to be.

Severus looked at the note and crumpled it in his slender hand. "Slughorn may think you are something special Potter, but believe me he will be disappointed soon. Your existence can only cause disappointment."

Malfoy snickered from his hearing point his face alight with malice, but Harry paid no notice. He didn't pay attention to either the ferret boy or the teachers biting words. He hung his head in apology and moved passed the dragon teacher eager to get to his desk.

"Fifty points from Gryffindor Potter; it will be a hundred if I don't see a decent potion from you." Severus snarled disappointed he hadn't elicited any response from the boy. He had a few hours. He would get Potter in detention and start his training, which was his plan anyway. He had noticed the boy was avoiding him and he wasn't amused. He was even less amused by this current obsession he seemed to be harbouring.

Even his hatred for James Potter hadn't haunted him so. Severus couldn't explain what it was about the boy that made him want to taunt him.

Potter sat at his desk and set up, then began reading his text book. Severus smirked, Potters ability was not high. He wouldn't be able to catch up with the lesson and then he would catch him in detention. He would keep his promise to Dumbledore in keeping lily's son safe. Maybe he could wipe the stain off his soul by keeping Lily's off spring alive. His training was not for the light hearted though.

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The lesson was not going well. Harry had enlisted Hermione's help until Snape had moved her across the room. Now he was trying to make sense of the stupid textbook, deflect Malfoy from blowing up his cauldron and ignore Snape. He had kept his mouth shut even though he was close to blowing. He already received a number of put downs that had led Ron to earn detention with his gallant defence.

He was tempted to give up he was doomed anyways. He put in his last ingredient and stirred before letting the potion simmer. That was all he could do for now. He cleared up and sat down, leafing through his book.

He tensed as Snape came over to inspect his work. Then just as quickly he left.

Severus was irrated. Harry hadn't responded to anything and had just got on with his work. And on top of that he had actually got the potion right…Without help! Severus was running out of time, there wasn't long to go with the lesson and he had to get Potter in detention.

"Well Potter in spite of your disregard to the rules you have made an acceptable potion." Severus smirked internally as the boys head raised slightly with the unsuspected praise. "Maybe you are less arrogant then your father then I thought." Something flashed across the boys face. Hope it seemed. Severus was startled for a few moments. Why did the boy have that reaction? It made Severus want to stop, but he needed to get the boy alone. "What you lack in arrogance though you make up for incompetence."

Harry's eyes burned and he started to tremble .His potion was fine, it was more then fine. How could Snape say that with no justification?

Severus knew he was ever so close. There was one subject close to the boy's surface. "If your father who excelled in arrogance and his incompetent pathetic friend Black ever created a child, he would be standing before me."

Potions exploded around them. That certainly did it.

Severus looked at the boy in the few seconds before he started bellowing. His skin was flushed with anger, his eyes filled with raw power and the air crackled around them as Harry's magic spiked dangerously. Severus had always been attracted to power and never had he seen such a display or felt such raw magic waiting to be tapped into. Maybe that was the cause of his obsession?

"JUST FUCK OFF SNAPE!" Harry exploded. Not caring that students were cowering away from him, or looking at the unfolded scene with horror. Harry pushed over his cauldron and squared up to the older man. "Just what is your problem? You can't be content with the whole school hating you; you have to make them despise you! My father was twice the man you are! He at least died protecting his family and fighting for the freedom of the magic world. Here you cower at Hogwarts, licking the boots of anyone who would keep your slimy skin safe. Be it Dumbledore or Voldemort!"

Harry ignored the gasps of his class mates he was beyond angry. He may want people to see him as Harry Potter but he was not going to let the memory of his father be soiled.

Severus stared the boy down; he was not going to submit to this whelp. This child had no idea of the courage he possessed. It was not an easy feat to be a spy for the Order of the Phoenix. To spy on the Dark lord, when he already mistrusted him and then return to the Order who mistrusted him even more. He was no coward.

Both did nothing for a few moments but stare at the other. Malice and spite hung thick in the air, and the students shifted around uncomfortably. Hermione and Ron wanted to go to their friend's aid; they could see under the bravo that Harry had been hurt. But it was Severus who cut the tension.

"Detention Friday at eight. Get out of my classroom." Severus whispered. Which was worse then him shouting.

Harry grabbed his bag muttering and stormed out of the classroom.

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News of the argument had spread through school, but as always it had been so hyped up that students believed Harry had been put in the hospital wing, which explained his absence at dinner.

Snape and Dumbledore were also missing which added fuel to the rumours.

Hermione looked up as Ron sat next to her at dinner. "Is he ok?" She enquired.

Ron nodded grabbing a plate and loading it with food. "He's sulking in his bed with the curtains drawn." He took a bite of his crusty roll and chewed thoughtfully. "I wonder how Harry is really doing. I know the death of Padfoot was hard on him, but he seems different recently. It's been a while since we did any, you know guy stuff."

"Maybe it's because you guys have been so busy with each other you hadn't noticed how upset he is." Luna stood behind them, head tilted in thought.

"What do you mean?" Hermione asked bristling. Something was just odd about this girl.

"Well." Luna whispered dreamily. "When in love your world becomes just the two of you. As I recall the Gryffindor trio was made of three. If two pair off that leaves one standing alone." She smiled and drifted to the Ravenclaw table.

Hermione ran her hand through her hair pulling out a few chestnut strands. As much as she hated to admit it Luna was right. It was possible they had neglected Harry, and he had just lost a person that was like family to him. Hermione felt a chill settle in her stomach. They hadn't been very good friends. She had just found so much unexpected happiness and got swept along with it, she forgot about Harry. Looking at Ron she suspected he was thinking along the same lines.

"We've been prats." He concluded.

"Indeed with have. Let's give him a day to calm down and then I think we should make more effort to include him." She pushed her food away. "Oh Ron I didn't mean to forget about him, its just I was so happy and with you-know-who lurking around I just wanted to make the most of it." Hermione was close to tears. "And with Padfoot gone, who has Harry got to talk to?"

Ron placed his hand over his girlfriends. "I know. If Harry was upset with us he would have said. I think we've got caught up in our thing and Harry's been caught up in his own." He shoved some more roll in his mouth. "Tomorrow we be better friends, we should ask how he's doing about Padfoot."

"I feel so bad. Do you think we should speak with him now?" Hermione wrung her hands.

"No he's in one of his moods, you saw him with Snape earlier. Gonna take a lot of calming down before he's happy."

Hermione sighed and reached for some pie. "Tomorrow then."

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Severus wasn't sure why the headmaster was so instant that Potter go to Slughorn's little gathering on Friday. They boy had detention and that was final in Severus's mind. So now both adults were currently tying to stare the other down.

Dumbledore it seemed was the first to concede. "Care for a drink Severus?" he asked breaking the tense stalemate they have both cornered themselves into. Dumbledore didn't get out his customary tea set he usually used for distressed students; instead he moved to his own private cupboard and pulled out two tumblers and a vial of brandy. "It is a muggle brand, but one I find better then most fire whisky." He offered Severus who wrapped his long fingers around the tumbler gratefully.

Both sipped in silence for a few moments, wearily looking at the other.

"I cannot explain why it is important for Harry to go to this party. It is not a case of Harry being allowed to do something trivial, he needs to go to this party for Order reasons not leisure ones."

Severus scowled into his drink. Potter always got lenience from Dumbledore, and now he was trying to persuade him that this gathering was of importance to even the Order? It made no sense what so ever. But Severus could not break the will of Dumbledore no matter how much he did not agree with it.

"I trust in your decisions headmaster. But Potter will still serve his detention on the Monday night of the following week. I trust there are no other social engagements the Order thinks is important that Potter must attend?" Severus asked dryly.

Dumbledore rested his head upon his gnarled hand for a few moments. "None that I can think of."

"Well I shall take my leave then. I have my own important matters to attend to." Severus placed the glass back on the polished wood of the Headmasters desk and stood to leave.

"Although I do not agree Harry deserves such a detention. I would say you were the one goading him into it this time Severus." Dumbledore swirled his brandy, the amber in the glass lighting his white beard slightly.

"He spoke back to a teacher, and caused damage to Hogwarts property. It is within my rights to punish Potter as I see fit." Severus's voice was strained and tight.

"He was justified in standing up for his deceased Godfather Severus. The only parental figure the boy has known. Now sit and tell me what's going on. You may be cruel to the boy out of hatred towards his father, but you never strike at the heart." Dumbledore pointed at the chair his voice firm.

Severus sighed and sat. "Potter and I had a chat about his parents. About my role in it all."

"The death of his parents you mean."

Severus looked up sharply. "I did not know he would kill Lily, if I recall I changed sides and became your spy to rectify what I had done."

"You knew James would be slaughtered, so you did cause the demise of one of his parents, Lily was an unfortunate accident along side that." Dumbledore took another drink.

"Potter does not see it like that." Severus tried to defend himself. "He was angry yes at what my misguidance lead to, but he believed it was the Dark Lord that killed his parents not I."

"It seems then you have young Harry's forgiveness. Which is a rare gift Severus, why are you goading him still?"

"He let it be known of a prophecy that only he could destroy the Dark lord." Severus held Dumbledore's eye. "The way to right the error I committed that night was to protect Lily's child. I offered the boy training. He needs help Albus."

Dumbledore looked at him for a full moment before letting a slow smile escape, making his eyes wrinkle. "Well done my boy I am proud of you. But is it for Lily? Or because you're starting to see Harry is not what you once thought."

Severus had the answer of Lily on his tongue but something stopped him. Was it for Lily's sacrifice he was trying to help the boy? "It was." Severus whispered. "But now I think it is for the boy. I cast the countdown on his head. A boy who was barely a few months old. He is not as arrogant as James."

"I find every day Harry surprises me in many ways. He may have the genetics of both his parents and the outwards appearance of both, but the inner workings are all his own. A unique being. Inside he doesn't think or act like either one of them."

"I have never noticed." Severus commented sarcastically.

"You have never looked past the face of James Potter and allowed him the chance." Dumbledore sighed. He would have thought Severus was past all this school rivalry. "But genetics aside, why have you sought to put Harry in detention?"

"He has avoided me, and will not discuss how I shall help him."

"You can hardly blame him Severus; the only people trying to help him are an elderly old man, and someone who sees him as his old enemy. You are surprised he wants to avoid you? But I understand detention was the way to get him alone. If you want to help him Severus you need to see past James and see the man inside. Then maybe Harry will trust you enough to let you help him."

Severus nodded thoughtfully. "I understand."

Dumbledore smiled and waved his hand, an indication Severus was free to leave. "Oh Severus I hope you wont mind me informing Horace you will be one of the chaperones for his party on Friday?" Dumbledore chuckled as Severus scowled and stormed off. That was a yes then.

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Harry stumbled at all the clothes Hermione chucked at him, as she struggled trying to find something for him to wear for the party. He had walked down the stairs in baggy jeans and his school white shirt, and was promptly dragged back upstairs by a bossy Hermione.

Harry smiled. Hermione and Ron had come to him yesterday all tears, (well maybe just Hermione) and asking for forgiveness for being bad friends. They had been all wrapped up in happiness, they had neglected him. Harry and laughed and hugged them both, stating he was happy for them both. Yes Sirius's death still upset him, but he had a new focus now. He hadn't explained what it was to them, just that he was managing fine. Harry had then been dragged off to flying with Ron and now he was getting ready for the party him and Hermione were invited to.

"Oh I give up!" Hermione shouted and threw the clothes on the bed in anger. "You need new clothes Harry this stuff is gross. Its all too big and ancient old. Christmas you are getting some new clothes." Hermione took the clothes from Harry and tapped her chin with her index finger thinking.

Harry looked at her. He had to admit Hermione looked quite pretty tonight; she had on a simple black dress with thin straps and some sandal looking shoes. Harry didn't know much about shoes but they looked nice with the dress. Her face had a thin layer of make up on, which emphasised her brown doe like eyes and her pink lips. Her hair was swept back into a loose bun, with loose curls escaping into her face.

"Right ok, put your school trousers and shirt on." She turned inspecting the posters of the far wall, allowing Harry privacy while he got changed. He cleared his throat when he was finished. "Alright Harry I'm going to alter your clothes just bare with me." She picked up her wand from an abandoned bed and pointed it directly at him.

Harry shifted uncomfortably and looked at her. "Hermione I don't feel comfortable with you pointing a wand straight at me. Can you do the clothes on the bed?"

Hermione pulled down her wand and placed her hands on her hips. "Don't be silly Harry I'm more then capable. I've studied these charms before and used them with the girls. If I don't do them on you I won't know that size to shrink them to." She raised her wand and pointed it back at him and muttered the incantation.

Harry sighed and held out his arms, chuckling slightly as the fabric stretched and contracted against him rubbing his skin. After the clothes were resized Hermione paused a moment, looking at him. "What's the matter?" He asked panic lacing his voice.

"Nothing I'm just deciding what colour to make your shirt." After a few moments she seemed to decide and cast another spell. "All done. Now what shall we do about your hair?"

"What do you mean my hair? Its fine leave it the way it is." Harry looked down at his now dark blue shirt and black trousers. It was a nice colour.

"Come on Harry we are going to be late, your hair's a mess and for once we are going to make it look presentable." She dragged him into the bathroom.

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Harry sulked all the way to the room of requirement. His hair felt all weird and sticky with the amount of gel Hermione had used to make it behave. He had to admit it looked nice and he looked older and very much different. Especially after Hermione had corrected his eyes for the night, his glasses were hideous she had told him. He wouldn't admit to her but she had done a pretty good job on him.

He hung back as she entered the room first. He didn't want to go to this stupid party. After receiving his detention he was more then happy to go, even if it was with Snape. Something settled in Harry's stomach akin to anger. That man was a complete and utter prick. Harry may have been avoiding him for training but that didn't give the man the excuse to be a complete arse about his father and Sirius. Harry clenched his fist and then breathed out slowly. He wouldn't think about it know he had this party to get through.

The room was amazing; it was set out like a mini ball room. The floor was a gleaming marble, a few tables and chairs dotted around the outside of deep mahogany. A few plants here and there added a rich green to the colours of the room. A few marble pillars were also dotted around the outskirts of the room, with fairy lights scaling their way up them. A few windows with deep purple drapes added the finishing touch.

Harry twirled around gob smacked. Clearly Slughorn had a good imagination if this is what the room of requirement had been changed into. Harry felt himself being tugged into the room by Hermione, and over toward Slughorn. It was then Harry felt it. A menacing black gaze only he could feel. Snape.

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Severus had watched all the students enter one by one, and all of them had looked around in delight and wonder. Even Severus had to admit from his window seat, the room did look very classy. Twenty minutes since the start had dragged by and there was no sign of the Potter boy. Severus could feel himself getting frustrated.

The door creaked open again and Severus lifted his head once more. It was the Granger girl, looking very modest in a black dress. Severus smirked Potter wasn't far behind then. Severus was just contemplating if he should move or not, but Potter entering rooted him to the spot.

The boy looked completely different from the norm. His clothes fitted him for once and didn't looked frayed or really raggedy like normal. His shirt was a deep dark blue and suited him rather well, although Severus was surprised and glad he wasn't wearing Gryffindor Red. His hair looked presentable and his face looked completely different now his glasses had gone. Dumbledore was right; the person standing near the entrance was neither of his parents.

The thought made him tremble slightly at the knees.

TBC

Please review.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series, nor am I making money from this Fanfiction.

Severus watched as a flush of anger coloured the boy's neck and his cheeks partly. The famous Evans temper present on a Potter carbon copy. Oddly it didn't look displaced. Clearly the boy was angry at Severus being here. He wasn't at all surprised, but it made his task of befriending the boy slightly more difficult. Still he was a double agent for two of the most powerful wizards in present time. Diffusing seventeen year olds anger would be simple.

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Harry clenched his fist. Just for once this week, he would have liked to do something that didn't involve him thinking about Snape. Alright he was missing his detention but it had been rescheduled why couldn't he just sod off? Looking away he allowed Hermione to tug him further towards Slughorn. Anything to get away from the dark gaze of the complete prick in the corner.

Slughorn was speaking to someone and Harry thought it was rude to interrupt, a thought that had been apparently shared by Hermione, who had discreetly started speaking to someone on her right. Harry shuffled his feet feeling like an idiot just standing waiting. A light touch was felt against his back and he turned his head slightly.

Ginny stood there smiling at him. He smiled back and turned to give her his full attention. "I didn't know you were coming." He whispered.

"Of course. Growing up in a house full of brothers it makes sense my hexes would be powerful. It seems it intrigued the Professor." Ginny gazed around her. "This is amazing." She muttered in awe.

Harry nodded. "A powerful hexer huh Ginny? No guesses why I'm here." He muttered to himself.

Ginny turned a cool eye on him. "Maybe everyone is not just interested in your scar; possibly you do have some other talents that Slughorn wants to collect?"

Harry was saved from answering by a large meaty hand being dropped on his shoulder. "Ah Harry my boy you made it!" Was heartily boomed out very close to his ear. Harry turned and smiled trying to detach himself. "Come with me; bring your friends as well." Slughorn beamed at Hermione and Ginny, who smiled back. Hermione less sarcastic then Ginny.

"Come see what I have in store for you over here."

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Severus sipped at his orange juice that someone had "Thoughtfully" given him over an hour ago. Just because he looked like a vampire didn't mean he actually was one. He did need to consume food and liquid every so often. He had watched when the Weasley girl had made contact with Potter, and had noticed even if Potter hadn't the rather revealing body language she had towards the boy.

But then it wasn't a secret that this girl liked the boy.

What had interested Severus was that Potters body language back wasn't as warm or as comfortable. Which secretly made him relieved? Of course this was only due to the fact that Weasleys had no clue about contraception and seemed to make as many offspring's as they could. Something he didn't want to get in the way of Potter winning the war.

Although thinking about it Potter's body language had not been that open towards anyone for quite some time now. Clearly the boy was burdened with issues. Black would of course be one of them, but Severus knew there was more to it then that. Potter was hiding something. He was hiding it well to the untrained eye, but Severus knew better. It was guarded and untrusting.

Something he saw in his reflection.

The boy was steered towards some pictures conjured by Slughorn and made to forcibly look at them. Severus felt some sort of sick pleasure at the fact. He knew this man was incredibly boring and lacked any saving grace. He almost pitied the boy. Almost. His eyes caught the look across the boys face when he lost interest. It was the same look he saw in Potions on a daily basis.

His green eyes glazed over and the tightness in his face relaxed slightly. Those eyes so like Lily's.

Severus scowled and slammed his glace down, scaring some nearby students. Damn Potter. How could Severus ever get over this over whelming hatred for the boy? He felt guilt over his parents dying, and guilt over setting a curse upon his head. But he couldn't look at Potter without seeing his beloved. It angered him and made him want to hate the boy. This constant reminder of what he had lost, given life in this boy. But also it hurt like hell, and that was the biggest emotion he felt. It was also the only one he never admitted to.

He would give anything to have her back.

The pain twisted away at his gut, before he pushed it away. He had a duty to her and to himself. To protect this boy. Severus glanced over again at Harry. To protect what he had left of her. Suddenly looking at it that way, he didn't loath the boy so much.

Protecting what little of Lily he had left.

Severus felt some warmness thaw the hatred.

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Harry clamped his teeth together to stop from yawning. Just what was he doing here? This was beyond boring and above all a god damn waste of time. He had things to be doing, and it sure as hell wasn't standing here listening to Slughorn boast about famous people he knew. Ginny had wandered off in search of food, and Hermione had stayed out of politeness.

He racked his brain in some sort of way to get out of this. Even if it was to just get some food. His stomach gurgled in agreement. Another picture was thrust against his nose and Harry absentmindedly nodded.

Eventually Ginny got his "Come save me" signs and wandered back over. "Err Professor Slughorn? Professor Flitwick sent me over to ask if he could speak to you about something. He didn't say what it was concerning." Ginny spoke quickly, giving Slughorn a hint it might be trouble.

"Oh thank you my dear. I'm sorry Harry I'll return shortly." Slughorn whisked away quickly.

"And just what are you going to say when he finds Flitwick?" Hermione asked tartly.

"Actually he asked me to save Harry from all the attention he was getting." Ginny looked at Harry. "He said you looked a bit uncomfortable."

Harry frowned confused. "But you spoke to Flitwick a while ago."

"Well you had to suffer a bit first of course." She giggled.

Harry shoved her gently with his shoulder. "Come on lets get something to eat, I don't know about you but pretending to listen to people makes me really hungry."

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Severus rubbed his eyes tiredly was this party ever going to end? Not only had the brats eaten and spoken some more, they were now drinking and beginning to dance with each other. Severus was close to reporting Slughorn for letting minors drink, but he had a funny suspicion Dumbledore would allow it. For some reason he wanted Potter at this party.

Said boy was not dancing with his peers nor was he drinking. He had been asked several times by several people, but he had declined all of them and was moodily sitting on a window seat, as far away from Severus as possible. Severus let his eyes wander. No one was in a sound mind to notice if he went over and talked to the boy. The booze would chalk it up to some weird hangover dream.

He moved around the mass of students moving in time to the beat, curling his lip disdainfully. Parties were not his idea of fun. Being that close to a group of people just made his skin crawl thinking about it. However the advantage it gave was that he could sneak up on Potter without him realising, trapping him.

He stood close to the boy, and was surprised he did not move. Severus knew Harry knew he was there. His whole body tensing gave it away.

"Can I help you sir?"

The monotone voice. No not acceptable.

"I wanted to apologize for my actions in the Potions lesson the other day. While it was cruel and unnecessary, you understand why I said those things are you not?" He spoke softly, not wanting to the boy to storm off.

Potter seemed to be in shock at the apology but he quickly recovered. "I am aware sir. I also apologize for the things I said." The boy looked up and pinned Severus with his eyes. He indicated the space next to him but Severus remained standing. He shrugged not really surprised.

Severus was impressed the boy now had basic manners. A vast improvement from his sire. "Potter I do not offer training as a means to torture you further. This is not Hogwarts teaching we are talking about now. Whilst I may have been cruel I do wish to offer you help. War does take precedence over trivial things such as rivalries. I am willing to accept fault on my part for not rising above past matters, but avoiding me is not the attitude to take."

There diffusing anger simple. Severus could see the boy open up to him; he could almost sense the anger melting away from him. Now something to appeal to the boy's hero nature to seal the deal.

"Too many people rely on you."

Severus realized his mistake as soon as he said it. The boy closed in on himself and withdrew. His eyes became guarded and his words clipped. "Do not worry Professor I know what is expected of me. I will fight this war, and die for the light. But if you will excuse me, I would like to go enjoy myself while I'm still alive." The boy stood, and Severus caught his wrist.

"Do not close yourself off. I did not mean you will sacrifice yourself because that's what people expect. I meant you cannot act like a boy any longer." His fingers tightened as the boy turned to face him.

"With due respect Professor I stopped being a boy when I entered the Magical world." He peeled Severus's fingers from his wrist, not with malice just to free himself. "I will be at the Dungeons Monday at seven."

Severus smacked his hand against his thigh and watched as the Boy who lived got very drunk. Damn it he almost had him.

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Severus watched the students for the remainder of the night rather miserably. As much as it pained him to admit it, he was only human and he had fucked up. Big time. He wanted to escort the boy back to the tower to apologise once more, something it seemed he would have to get used to doing. However Draco had made an appearance and Severus gave himself a way out to retreat, lick his wounds and try again another time.

He escorted a rather angry Draco back to the dungeons barely listening to a word the young man was saying. His thoughts were kept busy by replaying the confrontation over and over in his head. His features tightened into a scowl, he nearly had the boy for Merlin's sake.

He saw Draco approve and nod; clearly he had said something for Severus to scowl at. Severus shook himself mentally. Here he was talking to a son of a current Death eater. A rather high one at that, and all Severus was doing was worrying about Harry bloody Potter. They came to a stop at the dungeons and Draco turned to look at him.

"I know my father was concerned at your feelings towards things, but you've just assured me he might have got that fact wrong."

Severus felt something cold flood through his veins. What had Draco just been talking about? "And what would give you that impression Draco?" he spoke calmly trying to decipher what he had just let slip.

"You looked disgusted when I spoke of the Mudblood Granger." Draco nodded his head in respect and left through the portrait. Leaving Severus rooted to the spot.

"Mudblood." He whispered to himself. That one racist word that had cost him everything. It felt foul upon his tongue. He wanted to slump to the floor, but kept his feet walking. Guilt swamped him down making his body seem heavy and sluggish. He walked far enough from any prying eyes and leaned against a castle wall for stability.

No it was not the word that had cost him anything. A word was just a word, it was the malice and the cold meaning behind it that had drove Lily into Potters arms. It was the behaviour that had caused Lily to end their friendship. Putting the blame upon a word made him a coward, and Severus was not one of those.

He sat in an alcove and looked at his hands. Just like it wasn't what he had said to Potter it was the way he said it. That he like everybody else expected Harry Potter to save them. Even if he had to die in the process. That the boy had no choice in what he did with his life.

Severus's head jerked up, clarity had made an appearance. That was what was wrong with Potter. No one saw him for a person, merely a tool to end the war. Well no that was slightly wrong Severus had seen him as only a Potter copy, but everyone else. That was why the boy was walking around with the world on his shoulders. Who did he have to treat him as a person? Lupin had gone into hiding and Black was dead.

He stood impressed with his logical thinking. All he had to do was treat Potter as Harry, no matter how hard it was, and eventually the boy would come to trust him. He strode down the corridor, now determined to get to sleep. Now that massive dilemma was over he could sleep soundly and start again tomorrow.

(But then again) Severus thought to himself. (Was that not what everyone was telling me to begin with?) Suddenly he felt as dumb as Longbottom.

His spirit somewhat dampened he rounded the corner and stood upon a very drunk, very comatose Harry Potter. "Merlin why do you torture me so?" He cursed looking down. "Potter get up, you're causing me an inconvenience." He spoke loudly at the boy.

No response.

Severus looked at him closely. He could just leave him here, serves him right for getting so drunk. The boy muttered in his sleep and wrapped his arms tighter about himself. Severus sighed. Well apart from the fact Dumbledore would have his head on a platter; it wasn't nice to leave the boy in the cold.

Severus bent his knees and peered closer. No not a boy, Potter was definitely a man. A boy would have crumbled facing such evil in his life. Hell most humans would have. At this proximity he could see what Dumbledore was talking about. James Potter was not an overly attractive man, but with a blending of genetics. Well Harry Potter was something to look at. His hair was the same ridiculous style of Potter senior, but junior's hair was a slightly different colour and looked finer.

His face seemed feminine for a man, a nice soft contrast to a sometimes harsh personality. However the rest of his body was not effeminate. Severus could see that from the tight clothes he wore. Whilst the boy was not heavily muscled, he was by no means puny. Surprising considering the boy was a seeker. If he was a beater that might explain the toned arms more.

Severus smiled slightly as an answer formed in his mind. This man had started training himself on his own. Clever, and so unlike him. Severus tried to shake the boy awake, but he only muttered and pushed Severus away.

Well this was aggravating. Severus turned his wand upon the boy to levitate him up to his dorm, but it seemed wrong somehow. "I cannot befriend someone by being so impersonal to them." He muttered to himself. He waited a few moments pondering. He had never even touched Lily and she was the person he was closest to. Oh he had pushed people off him, and even stood side by side with someone whilst fighting. But touching someone? That was new for him.

Tentatively he placed his arm upon Potters, and held it there, hardly breathing. Sensing it was alright to continue; he placed a slender hand under Potters arm, and lifted him to his feet. The boy barely woke, just leaned on Severus. He thought the Gryffindor would weigh more, for his age. But then he recalled Harry very rarely ate. Something he would have to address another time.

He placed one arm over the back of his neck and supported Harry around the waist with the other. Pinning the young man to his side. When he was sure Harry was supported enough he began to walk. Surprisingly Potter made his own feet work. He was awake enough to move with help then.

Halfway to the tower he started muttering to himself. "Sod the world, sod everyone in it, sod Snape and Sod bloody roldy warts!" Harry growled to himself. Severus glanced down at him. Well if the boy did not want "Snapes" help he could get himself there.

He gritted his teeth and carried on walking, Potter still mumbling to himself.

"I can walk on my own Professor." The boy drunkenly exclaimed trying to walk on his own.

Severus snorted and did not let go. "I doubt it Potter, stop complaining."

"But you're just mean and horrible and I want you to let go." Potter was sounding more like his usual teenage self. Severus hated whiny teenagers.

"Potter I apologised earlier now just accept my help." Severus shifted his weight around a bit and carried on walking.

"How do I know you mean it? It could be a trap, like the one you lead my parents into." Harry whispered.

"Potter I am merely trying to get you in bed so roldy warts does not get you. Remind me to give you another detention in the morning. One should not make fun of the Dark lord's name like that." Severus stumbled as Harry pushed him and began walking on his own.

Clearly he had sobered a tiny bit.

"A name is just a name Professor. It cannot instil fear or respect." Harry let Severus walk beside him.

"A name cannot no, but it what it is attached to that causes the fear. A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet." Severus slowed his pace to match the drunken one Harry was setting.

"Why would you read Muggle plays, you hate Muggles." Harry muttered. "I wonder what my name is attached to. Harry Potter the man who cared so little for himself he let himself be slaughtered."

"I see no reason to hate Muggles. I'm not racist Potter. They are just different to what we are." Severus ignored the last part of Potters speech as part of drunken ramblings.

"Whoa now that comes as bit of a shock." Harry stopped and looked at Severus thoughtfully, his eyes not quite focusing on him. "You're not always what I expect of you, you know." The boy sounded baffled.

"You're not what I expected of you either." Severus spoke softly back.

"It seems we are both enigmas."

They walked in silence for a while until Harry drew to a stop outside the tower.

"Thank you for getting me here safely. I'm sorry to have bothered you." He yawned showing all his teeth and turned to go.

"It wasn't a bother Potter."

The boy stopped dead at the portrait hole and turned to face Severus. "What are you up to? A few days ago you were being a complete dick head to me, and now this. Is this all about making it up to my Mother?" He asked suspicion colouring his words.

Severus walked closer to the boy, closing the gap between them. "No." He came to a stop. "It's making it up to you." Severus looked down into Harry's eyes and had the sudden desire to touch the boy. "I highly doubt you will remember this in the morning Potter, otherwise I would not say what I'm about to." He paused waiting for his words to sink in. "I find myself wanting to know the real you. The Harry, not just the Potter. Get some sleep."

He nodded at the boy and left, leaving a rather confused and bewildered Harry behind.

Not thinking about what he had said too much he returned to his own chambers and got ready for bed, content to sleep in tomorrow. As he lay in his double bed trying to fall asleep, his mind wandered to what had just happened, and how it had not made his skin crawl when Potter was against his side.

There was a first time for everything, and Severus was loathe to let this feeling go. He had already lost it once.

TBC

Please Review.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Harry growled and rolled over, pulling his curtains shut on his bed. The sunlight was filtering in and he was not impressed. Groggily he turned onto his back and looked up at the material covering his bed. Harry Potter was well and truly hung over. His eyes were like sandpaper and it felt like something horrible had curled up and died in his mouth.

Gingerly he rubbed his aching head with a gentle hand before screwing his eyes shut. His stomach was swaying dangerously and his head was pounding to its own rhythm. He felt like he was dying. Harry wanted to see what time it was but he felt moving would not be an option right now.

Listening intently he could not hear his room mates breathing or snoring in some cases. It was a Saturday and most of his friends slept in on a Saturday. So Harry concluded it was probably around lunch time. Ugh lunch. Harry turned to the side of his bed and hung his head over the edge. His body dry heaved as it tried to rid his body of toxin. Not having eaten much recently he was just left with bitter bile and a throat that now burnt.

Groaning he moved back into bad trying to get comfortable to sleep.

A light tapping on the window caused his green eyes to snap open irritably. He clamped them shut more then content to ignore it, but the sound got louder and more persistent. If this was a prank the prankster was going to get very hurt. Harry swung back his warm covers and placed his feet on the cold floor. For the love of God! Why couldn't he just catch a break?

He stood and swayed a bit, and waited for his vision to stop moving before he looked at the tower window. There was a school owl hovering there clearly with something. "Go down to the main hall. No one is up here." He told it, making shooing gestures with his hands.

The bird tapped louder.

The bird would have been blasted from the sky if Harry did not have an owl himself. He scowled and swung open the window letting the brown owl sail in. Harry let the air breathe life into him and he stretched, before turning back to his bed. The owl had dropped his parcel on his covers and was now watching him. Harry looked at it perplexed. If it was for him why didn't Hedwig deliver it?

Intrigued as to who would be sending him something he hastily ripped the wrapping from it. A bottle rolled out with a label sticking to it. Hangover potion. Harry smiled with joy; some good things did happen to him. He pulled the stopper from it and downed it all rather quickly, relieved to feel it worked instantly.

Harry rooted around in the paper to see if there was a note that came with it. So he could thank the person who gave it to him. There was nothing. Something cold settled in his stomach. What if it had been poison? After all of Moody's training he had just drunk a potion someone at random had sent him. He waited a few moments. Nothing happened. If it was poison it would have killed him by now surely? He looked back at the bottle. At the bottom was another label.

_Don't worry it is not poison. After seeing you last night I had a feeling you would be worse for wear this morning. _

Last night? Who saw him last night? Maybe Hermione had sent it to him? No she would have just given it to him. Slughorn? Oh well Harry felt better and that's all that mattered.

He pulled off his night clothes and rooted through his chest for something to wear, settling on some baggy jeans and a shirt that swamped him. Maybe Hermione was right he thought looking at himself critically. Maybe he did need some new clothes, it wasn't like he still needed to wear the hand me downs from the Dursleys. He would get some next Hogsmead trip.

He went into the bathroom to answer the call of nature and to brush his teeth when he caught sight of himself in the mirror. While his hair had looked nice last night gelled into some sort of style, it had clearly remoulded in sleep and looked crazier then usual. Harry wet his hair and ran his fingers through it, until it looked at least half presentable.

After five minutes he gave up and shrugged his shoulders. It was his weekend he could look like a slob if he wanted.

He left his tower and entered the common room relieved to see it bare. His head was still aching and he wanted to take a walk outside for some air. His time had been wasted over the weekend and he wanted to form some ideas in his mind about how to take his training into his own hands. It would have been rather hard for him to do it with people surrounding him, talking to him. No this was a task that had to be done somewhere quiet.

Stealthily he left the common room and walked swiftly down the corridors. He had to leave via the great hall, but he was hoping it would be empty. He reached the great doors made of wood, and pushed against them, willing them not to make much noise. Peering around he was glad to see the great hall was empty.

He walked quickly through the hall, his trainers echoing as he walked, and burst out into bright sunshine. A few students were milling around but Harry paid them no attention. He strode to the edge of the lake and looked back at Hogwarts. He felt like someone or something was watching him. Shivering slightly he looked out back towards the lake. He was well within Hogwarts ground, he was safe.

Harry looked at the lake. It was far to large to walk around in a few hours, so he settled for an hour walk as far as he could go, and then an hour walk back. It sounded achievable. Setting his shoulders he marched out for his walk.

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Severus stirred in the early hours of the morning. His eyes were tired and his body sore. He had slept fitfully throughout the night. The revelation of not feeling hatred towards Potter had kept him awake all night. The fact that Severus might even consider getting to know someone on a level other then professional, well that was just terrifying.

That fact that he wanted to, well that warranted a trip to St Mungo's.

Severus pulled back his cotton bed sheets and sat up, Potter still playing on his mind. The boy will wake up feeling awful, he thought to himself. That was consolation enough for Severus's lack of sleep. He got out of bed and moved toward his window, peering outside. It was early and the mist had not yet been burned away by the sun.

Peeling his sleeping trousers from his pale skin, he deposited them on his bed before making his way to the adjoining bathroom for a shower. He left it to run on a lukewarm setting, before gathering all his shower essentials and placing them within reach.

He got into the shower slowly, allowing the comforting water to take him in its arms. Soothing and caressing his body. A body that had never been caressed by human hands. This was the closest to being in an embrace that Severus would ever feel.

Washing his hair thoroughly he watched as the bubbles washed down his body slowly getting caught in the nooks and crannies of his scars. Severus would never feel another humans touch, just look at him. His body was riddled in imperfections. He was well aware his hair hung limp and knotted, and his nose was rather big for his face.

Nobody saw the sacrifices he had made. The challenges he had overcome to repent and cleanse his sins. Humans only saw beauty skin deep. Severus knew the Order called him a coward behind his back. Many of the Order were fool hardy Gryffindors, the quiet meek courage of a Slytherin would be lost on them.

No one knew what courage it took to look in the eyes of the one who murdered someone you loved. To bow at the feet of them, all in order to bring back word to Dumbledore. His eyes were drawn to his mark. A boy who was so insecure craving membership and acceptance of something big and powerful, blind to the fact they stood for ideals he hated. Racism of the Muggles, Squibs and Muggle born. How proud he was when he received his mark, to belong to something. Something Lily might have been proud of.

He had been part of something that led to her death.

Now as an adult, he was bitter, self loathing, and adapt at controlling his emotions. He needed to belong to no one, and he answered to himself. Yet somewhere deep inside of him, he felt obligated to help Harry. It wasn't out of a debt anymore. No Severus knew he had to help him.

He ran his finger over his side, where Harry leant against him. Human contact. It felt nice.

Something began to stir within him, and he was shocked to find a slight erection growing. He looked down at himself in shock. There was only one person who had gotten that reaction from him. She died seventeen years ago.

Gently he ran his finger over the length of him. He bucked at the forgotten sensation. How long had it been since he touched himself? Was this all because of Potter? His erection grew firmer, and images of the boy blossomed in his head. His lithe body, his tousled hair, the way he looked at that party, the fire in his eyes, the passion when he argued.

The green of his eyes.

Severus stopped abruptly, gasping. Just what was he doing? This was a student! A male student at that. True Severus had no aversion to gay wizards, Dumbledore himself was gay, but for himself to be attracted to a male? Severus was more shocked by the fact he wasn't repulsed by it.

He got out of the shower quickly and towelled himself dry rather quickly. He didn't know what to make of this, so he would do what he usually did and bury this new feeling somewhere. He had no time for feelings. He had to help a young man save the world from a rather insane wizard.

Speaking of young wizard, he could help him out. Severus toyed with the idea. Surely Harry would be awake. But sending him a bottle of hangover potion? Was it really worth it? Sighing over his lack of common sense he went to his store cupboard and pulled one out. He looked at its contents and shook it slightly.

He wrote a brief note on the some parchment, and wrapped both in some spare he had laying around.

He gestured to the owl assigned to him via the school for sending mail. He was irate at himself for his softness, but he couldn't explain why he wanted to help the boy. He told the owl "Harry potter" and threw it out the window. Severus only wanted to help because he knew how nasty your first hang over could be. That was it he was sure of it. But somehow this idea lodged itself in his throat.

He paced around his room, deep in thought for a few more moments before returning to his window. He rested his pale forehead against the cool glass. It was midday already and he had not eaten. He had been mulling on this for several hours? Blasted Potter, taking up his sleeping time and his eating time!

Speak of the Devil. Severus looked from his vantage point as a person resembling Harry strode from the castle. Something twitched within him, and he felt his cheeks flame in response. His shower earlier haunted him like a ghost.

What the hell was wrong with him! He was a master of his emotions. Useless feelings like this was not him at all.

He was going to find Potter and prove to himself that he felt nothing towards the boy. No emotions what so ever. No hatred, no respect, nothing. He may befriend the boy but that was where it ended. He shook himself. No even he could not lie to himself.

Severus pinched the bridge of his nose. Just what the fuck was wrong with him?

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Harry sat under a large tree, he didn't know what tree it was, and he didn't much care to know. The sun burned over head and the air was toying with his hair, all in all it felt rather nice. Idly his hands pulled up a few strands of grass and let them fall on his lap. He felt his eyes begin to close as the serenity lulled him into sleep.

He was grateful to whoever sent him the hangover potion. Otherwise he would be missing this wonderful day, throwing up inside. Harry had fully intended to use this day to plan his training regime, but he was feeling rather lazy at the moment. A bird cheeped over head and he could hear the lake not to far away.

Was this what a world without Voldemort would be like? Was this what was worth fighting for? A place safe for Hermione and Ron? For their children that they had together or separately.

A noise alerted him that something was out of place here.

Someone was moving not to far from where he was sat, and suddenly he was alert and on his feet instantly. It could have been Snape following him once again. The damn man had started following him and appearing everywhere Harry didn't want him to.

"Not like you to be on your own Potter." A rich voice floated to him. It was a Slytherin but he couldn't tell who it was. All Slytherin's spoke as if they were Gods. Their words always quiet and to the point, they couldn't help it, if your head was stuck up your own arse it tended to come out muffled.

Harry pulled his wand from his pocket. A wand was always needed when dealing with Slytherin's. No matter how big they were.

Malfoy and a bunch of his stooges appeared before him. Harry suddenly wished it had been Snape once again sneaking up on him. The idea distressed him; did he want Snape to come to his rescue or something?

"A horde of baby Death eaters. Now this shall be easy. I've already beaten most of your parents in battle why do you think you stand a chance?" Harry taunted him.

Malfoy coolly pulled his own wand out as did his comrades. "Cause we unlike our parents work together. We do not via for the Dark lord's attention and try to pick you off ourselves. We will bring you in together." Malfoy smirked.

The blonde boy waited a few moments before casting the first spell. That gave Harry enough time to see in the older boys face.

He didn't want to fight Harry. He was afraid. But of him? Or of the Dark lord?

Harry felt the first spell shoot past his ear, a warning shot intending to make him fight. Harry's eyes met Malfoy's grey ones. Oh Malfoy wanted to kill someone alright, but it wasn't him.

He only had a few seconds as he had Malfoy held each others gaze, before a barrage of spells were upon him.

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It was late evening and Severus was enjoying his meal, however something felt very wrong. He couldn't put his finger on it. He had avoided seeing the Potter child all day, after his confusing feelings had made themselves known. He only came to the great hall this evening because he did not want to cook for himself. There had to be some perks to being a Professor and this was one of them.

To his relief Harry was not present at dinner, which Severus had concluded was due to his hangover. The first hangover was often the worst and Severus did feel slightly sorry for the boy, considering he had probably pushed him into it. He refused to acknowledge his annoyance at the boy not taking his potion. But if Harry had not known who it was from he might have suspected poison. Which was actually showing some form of intelligence from the boy?

Although Severus was sure he signed his name, so Harry was just being stubborn and refused to take it because it came from him. Angrily Severus stabbed his food with his fork. Stupid immature child. He looked up again at the great hall in case he had somehow over looked the boy.

The Granger girl and her boyfriend were eating dinner, but even they seemed quite concerned. Granger's eyes kept darting towards the doors and then up towards Dumbledore. Very peculiar. Still Severus had no interest in what Harry was doing; he was seeing him on Monday that was enough for him. It gave him enough time to sort out just whatever was wrong with him.

Dumbledore finished his meal and had left the table, with Granger at his heels. The Weasel child left the great hall with worry on his face.

Severus put down his fork. That explained the wrong feeling then. Something was wrong with Harry. But Severus didn't care did he? No he did not, so he reassumed eating his mashed up food.

He became more concerned as Dumbledore flew from the great hall in the same direction as the weasel had gone. Some other teachers shared his concern and rose in confusion. A few moments later there was a summons for the nurse and a staff meeting was called. A few students looked on in fear, but Dumbledore assured them that it was just school business.

Severus listened as did the other teachers in the staff room about Harry Potters attack. What seemed to have started out as a bullying fight had turned sinister and Potter was in the hospital wing. It was nothing serious a few minor hexes, but he was being held overnight to make sure his boy healed properly.

Dumbledore went on to explain that it was not a Death Eater attack upon their golden boy, and some teachers had already expressed that concern. Death Eaters would not have left Harry alive on the ground. He would have been taken captive. However children of Death Eaters may have been closer to what happened.

Severus tuned out the rest of the speech. He knew what children could have attacked Harry. His mind first jumped to Draco, but Draco had a bigger task ahead of him. Subconsciously he looked back at Dumbledore. Draco may have led the attack but he would not have cast any spells.

He would look into the matter as a way of appeasing his guilt.

He knew something was wrong when Potter was not at dinner. But instead chose to ignore it as he battled with his own emotions. Severus left the staff room and walked down to his own quarters. He had failed Lily's son once again, as once again he placed himself above the well being of someone else.

Entering his home, he settled in an armchair. These emotions towards the boy had to be kept in check. What if Harry had died? The thought made something cold settle in his stomach, and he automatically leaned towards his bottle of wine.

Another death because of him. Another person that he felt something towards. Oh it was not love or even lust. Hell it wasn't even affection, but it was something, and he had not felt something towards any living person.

Said person was harmed because he wasn't doing his job.

Severus sighed and tapped his nails against the glass bottle. No this would not do. He made an oath to protect Harry because he was Lily's son. He promised Dumbledore he would help the boy because he needed help. He needed to save Harry because it appeased that wrong decision he made years ago, bringing Voldemort that damn prophecy. The fact that he wanted to? Well that was Severus just being selfish.

He looked at the wine bottle in his hand. This wasn't going to help anyone. He threw it into the fire in anger and whisked out the door, fully intent on visiting the hospital quarters.

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Harry felt stupid. Not pain at his injuries, not anger that he was attacked, just plain old stupid. He couldn't take out baby Death Eaters. How could he manage adult ones, or even for that matter their bloody leader? Malfoy had been right. Death Eaters fought against each other, trying to win Harry for their master. These students had worked as a collective unit.

Harry could just not find it within himself to hurt people. He knew he could kill every one there, but instead he had run like a coward. The thought of being able to actually win a battle scared him. The thought that he was so confident in his abilities scared him.

Maybe he was as arrogant as people thought him, so safe in his abilities that only Voldemort could hurt him? He looked at his bandaged hand; he was what Snape thought him to be. He was truly James's son. An arrogant prick who thought he was better then those around him.

His hand fell to the bed with a dull thump. The evening was rapidly darkening and it was gloomy in this room. Here on his own, he felt lonely.

"You are not the same as Potter." A voice cut across his thoughts.

Harry looked up in surprise and tried to make out where the voice was coming from. He saw someone standing near the doorway and he tried to find his wand. A sudden light from a candle illuminated Snapes features. Harry slumped in relief.

Snape flowed out from the shadows and looked down at him. "It seems you have been in the wars."

A silence stretched between them.

"Not quite yet." Harry finally answered. He gestured Snape to sit, which to his surprise he did. "It's not polite to listen to people thoughts." He said grumpily.

"It is not arrogance to be confident it ones abilities." Snape told him curtly. "You did not start the fight. Between us, it takes more guts to walk away from a fight then it does to fight one. You may have really hurt someone." Snape smirked when Harry's eyes looked up at him surprised. "You may have fooled the Headmaster into thinking you were overwhelmed and so you ran and hid, but I know you Mister Potter, you could have handled yourself."

Harry shifted on the bed angrily. "I didn't want to hurt anyone."

Snape nodded thoughtfully. "Hence my earlier statement. I have seen you in battle Potter, with men twice your size and with double the spell knowledge you have. Tell me who attacked you?" He placed his hands knitted together on his lap waiting for his answer.

Harry shook his head refusing to tell on Malfoy. Something was happening with him and Harry wanted to work out what it was. He completely forgot Snape could read minds until he made a confirming noise.

"I had suspected it was young Malfoy who led the attack." Snape looked angry, and Harry was perplexed as to why. It was no great secret that Snape had a fondness for the boy.

"He only does what he is told to do. For some reason I don't blame him. People on the light side must have made mistakes when they thought they were doing the right thing. Malfoy seems to be doing what he thinks is right." Harry commented thoughtfully.

"True, but Malfoy has more intelligence then that. I'm afraid this attack might have been bred out of rivalry." Snape looked up at him.

"Sounds like you and my father." Harry counteracted.

"Possibly. Do not look so surprised Potter; I am adult enough to admit when mistakes have been made."

Harry sat up and looked at the man sitting across from him. They studied each other for a few moments. "And I am adult enough to admit when I need help. I ask you Professor will you help me?" He held out his bandaged hand.

Snape looked at it for a few moments and grasped it gently, shaking it. "Yes Potter I will assist you." He released it quickly, almost acting like he had been burned. Harry's eyes narrowed in question, and suspicion. "I apologize I do not like seeing you harmed."

Harry felt something shift in his chest as he looked into the beetle eyes of the man. He decided to test the waters just a little bit. "That might be something you have to get used to."

"Potter when I'm finished with you, I expect to see you unharmed, and that will be after your fight with the Dark lord. I expect to see you Monday at seven." And with that he left, leaving Harry staring after him.

Just what was going on here? Harry thought to himself settling back down into his bed. He looked around the empty hospital wing. He needed Snapes help no doubt about that, but why was he being almost friendly to him? He yawned and snuggled into his pillow. Maybe hitting him and helped Snape see him as an actual Human being.

Sleepily Harry smiled. He should have done that a long time ago.

A stray thought suddenly popped into his brain and he sat up groggily. It could have been Snape to send him that potion. After all Hermione wouldn't have sent him one, and there was no one else who would have done. What was Snape doing? Harry thought suspicion creeping up on him again.

Harry shrugged; he was tired and wanted to sleep. He could figure this out tomorrow. Oh to live in a world free of suspicion. Was his last thought before he fell into sleep.

TBC


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

_Reviews are always appreciated! I seem to have got a bit more inspiration recently._

_Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series, nor am I making any money from this Fanfiction. _

_HPHPHPHPHPHPHPHP_

Monday had been so far an uneventful day. He had been fussed over by Hermione for the past few days, which today was beginning to irritate him. On Sunday he had been quite happy for her to mother him, due to the fact that he did not have one, but today it was getting on his nerves slightly. He felt like he was tripping over her, when all she was doing was trying to look after him. Harry could feel his temper starting to fray though.

Ron thankfully who knew Harry better then Hermione had noticed and stepped in placing himself between his friend and girlfriend at dinner. Harry showed his appreciation by allowing Ron to have the last slice of treacle tart, a dessert that was Harry's favourite.

Harry swirled his pumpkin juice in his glass, watching the amber taint the crystal of the glass. He was stalling he knew it. On one hand Snape had offered him help willingly, and Harry knew he needed it. But the more immature part of him could not overcome his initial hatred, which was fuelled by the fact he helped Voldemort kill his parents.

But he was not blind; he knew Snape was in his own way trying to make up for it. Something Dumbledore had always pointed out. No matter how much of a prick Snape had been, he always had Harry's best interests at heart.

The thought was irritating him.

It was so much easier to hate the man, to blame him for everything. But Snape was being adult enough to put all aside to save the world. Maybe it was time for Harry to stop being a child and do the same. It was a scary thought going to war, but he could either mope or be angry about it forever, or he could take his destiny into his own hands.

Smiling he drank the rest of his juice. Somehow without even realising it. Snape had made him feel better then he had in months. Once again he felt normal.

This new thought energised Harry. (Strange isn't it? How your enemy can bring out the best in you.) He thought to himself. Well Snape was not the enemy Voldemort was, but the old saying came in handy. The enemy of my enemy is my friend.

The potion had been a way of Snape making amends to Harry he was sure of it. Which made him feel…well odd for lack of a better word. True they needed to work together. But sending him something to make him feel better? However Snape was gifted in many arts, ones which Harry needed to learn. Ones he did not have the patience for before. Occlumency. The word loomed before him. This was something that he Harry would never be able to learn.

His emotions were always near the surface and he found it difficult to suppress them. He supposed this was the reason he could not learn. Someone like Snape, well he never showed any emotions, so it was easy of him to hide them, therefore easy to make your mind blank. Harry had so much going on in his life back then, that he was surprised he did not have a mental break down. Harry made a mental note to ask Snape about it. If one could ask Snape something like that. Do you have to be a heartless bastard in order to excel in Occlumency? Yes that would go down well.

Seeing the hall was beginning to empty he guessed it was near time for his "detention" with Snape.

Saying a quick good bye to his friends he rose and left the hall, heading towards the dungeons. Harry trailed his hand, now free of the bandage along the corridor wall. He wasn't sure why, maybe this part of the castle was under the ground, but the walls always got colder down here. Maybe that's what made the Slytherin's so awful. Harry chuckled to himself. That was spiteful.

He came to a halt at the thick oak doors of the Potions class room. Harry assumed this was where he was meant to be. He hadn't been told otherwise. Taking a deep breath he rapped on the door a few times and waited. No one came to answer. Harry scratched his head. He sure he was meant to be here. He knocked again and waited. Looking down the corridor Harry pushed down on the handle. To his surprise the door opened easily and swung open.

He was presented with the empty classroom, which looked more sinister with hardly any light coming from it. Harry was faced with a dilemma. Did he enter and face the wrath of Snape. Or not enter and later face the wrath of Snape? He shifted from foot to foot nervously.

Eventually he entered to room, content to wait for Snape there. He couldn't get in trouble if he was expected surely? When he was in the middle of the class room the door slammed closed. Moody was right he should really take in his surroundings. It was only now he realized that all the desks had been removed. Well he did need glasses and it was dark when he walked in.

Harry pulled out his wand, the second time in three days. He wasn't in the mood to deal with more bullies. Harry heard the muttered incantation and fell to the ground instinctively, throwing a shield around him.

"Well your reflexes are good." Snape told him moving into Harry's line of view, sinister in the dark. "But they could be better." Snape fired another spell at his shield, this time shattering it. Harry stood and looked at him, at a loss at what to do. This was his Professor; surely there were rules against this?

"Impedimenta." Severus calmly spoke.

Harry instantly felt dreamy and felt his body relax. He could hear a voice commanding him to do something, to kneel before someone. Well that was easy. Harry felt his legs begin to move in response, when that annoying voice of his whipped through the fog. Why was he kneeling? Did he not have a job to do? His body tensed at the effort of throwing the spell off.

After he had managed to do so he was back upon the floor of the potions classroom. He looked at Snape. "Protego Horribilis." Instantly the red hued shield was around him, and Harry looked triumphantly at Snape.

"It seems you have learnt a strong shield Mister Potter, however shields can be broken." Snape demonstrated once again that he could do so. "STOP DEFENDING AND ATTACK ME!" Snape snarled blasting Harry back a few meters. When Harry didn't move he hit him with another spell, leaving a nasty cut on Harry's face.

Slowly Harry stood anger burning within his jade eyes. He raised his wand and pointed it at Snape.

"Yes Potter attack me, show me your strength." Snape whispered suggestively.

"Expelliarmus!" Harry shouted wanting to get this fight over and done with.

Snape simply looked bored and deflected the spell easily. "Do not toy with me Potter, fight properly!" Snape sent another cutting hex the boy's way, and blasted him back a few more metres, but Harry only fell to one knee.

"I can't." Harry whispered to him.

"Speak up Potter!" Snape shouted. "Levicorpus!"

The irony as lost on neither of them as Harry was lifted into the air by his ankles. "This make you feel better about my Father Snape?" Harry growled out.

"Surprisingly it does." Snape sneered.

Harry scowled and quickly sent a blast curse to the bookcase nearest Snape knocking it over and it turn knocking Snape to the ground. Quickly uttering "Liberacorpus." To get himself down, he erected another shield and waited. He didn't have to wait long before another spell was attacking his shield.

"FIGHT POTTER!" Snape hollered getting frustrated.

"I CAN'T" Harry shouted back once again, straining to keep his shield erect under the massive barrage it was under.

Frustrated and angry Snape broke the shield once again and stared at the boy. Both were panting and both were covered in sweat. Harry was the first to move in trying to capture Snape in a full body bind, but Snape was quicker easily dodging and quickly sending another hex Harry's way. This time however he wasn't fast enough and the curse caught him straight in the arms causing them to cut and bleed heavily.

Harry looked, really looked at Snape. He could sense it was getting dangerous now, something about the professor didn't seem right. He seemed to be getting to into the duel. He dodged another attack and sent a mild one back. It didn't feel right attacking a teacher. Snape however didn't seem to feel the same way about attacking a student however.

Worse then that Harry could feel his own blood beginning to boil and he sent a nastier hex Snapes way. It hit his robes and Snape was forced to put the fire out. "Finally, it seems Potter has some bite to his bark. Pity your Father could not duel better. Might have saved his life." Snape narrowly missed the lethal curse thrown at him.

Harry was livid and red washed over his line of vision. Bottles and cauldrons rocked dangerously and Snape looked around, concerned for the first time. "Don't speak to me like that you COWARD!" Harry screamed. Bottles shattered and angry energy crackled within the room.

Snapes eyes narrowed dangerously. "You dare call me a coward! Little boy? Sectumsempra!"

Harry faltered but a little and Snapes eyes widened in surprised. Harry raised his wand ready to counter attack. He felt like a feral animal and he wanted Snape to suffer. Eventually though, his blood loss made him fall to the ground.

HPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHP

Severus knew as soon as the word left his mouth it was a huge mistake. He had been too caught up in the duel and the insult from Harry and before he knew it had escaped him. He called off the spell instantly and ran to the student's side. Harry was in agony and Severus felt his hands tremble. He could have killed the boy. Checking his pulse, and reassuring himself that he was alive; he ran to his stock cupboard and pulled out some potions.

He pulled Harry up and propped him up with his leg, allowing him access to his mouth. First a blood replenish potion made its way down Harry's throat, then one to heal the wounds, one to give him back strength and one to combat any side effects from the curses he had been dealt.

Severus watched as the boy still didn't move and panic began to set in. Just what had he done? He had only been trying to gauge the boys fighting abilities and here he had possibly killed another person that might have meant something to him. Suddenly Severus was in another time and place, when he had been told about Lily's death, and the agony he had felt. But he not been with her body then. Not like he was now with Harry.

Something pushed its way into his eyes making them sting. This feeling was unbearable.

He kept checking his vital signs and kept holding onto Harry even though common sense told him he was going to be alright, the same feeling that had gripped him when he was in fear for Lily's life was taking hold of him now.

This is how he would have held his love as she lay dying. Regardless if she was in love with another man. He would have cradled her to his body, praying to anyone that was listening that she was going to make it. He looked down at the raven hair that should have been a deep red. Suddenly it wasn't Harry he was holding it was her.

Eventually the boy opened his eyes and looked at him blearily; Lily's eyes looked at him blearily. Severus couldn't help himself, he held Harry to his chest relieved. In some way at least to him, it felt like Lily was back. Harry could have just died and even though he was unable to save Lily he was able to save Harry, it made his soul feel just a little better. Even though he was the one to cause it.

"You're crushing me." Harry spoke but it was muffled by his robes.

"I thought I might have killed you." Severus moved the boy so he could look into his face. "Why did you not fight back you foolish boy?"

Harry bit his lip and looked away. "You can't kill me only Voldemort can. I didn't fight back because I don't want to hurt anyone."

Severus knew that was a lie, he could see it in his eyes. "Tell me the truth Potter."

"I don't want to turn out like him." Harry glared into his eyes, hatred burning inside their depths.

Severus was bewildered. Turn out like whom? James? Dumbledore? Voldemort? Who? He causally entered Harry's thoughts and saw Harry's overwhelming fear of becoming Voldemort. That he was going to end up as bad as Voldemort. He sighed and let Harry sit by himself and moved away.

"Potter you are not the Dark lord. To admire power is not the same as abusing it. You can wield great power to protect the ones you cherish and to fight for the greater good. But you cannot be afraid to fight. If you do not everything you know will be destroyed. Your friends, Hogwarts even Lupin will come to an end. Do you understand?" Severus spoke gently, the boy was scared enough.

Harry nodded and raked his nails through his hair tiredly. "That curse you used. It was impressive. I would like to learn it, if you would teach me?"

Severus looked down at the boy, who looked so small and fragile on the dark stones of the potions classroom. "Potter, that spell could have killed you. Do you really desire mastery of it?"

Severus waited with baited breath as the boy thought it over. He hated to admit it, but the boy was talented, and his power! Severus sucked in a breath to calm his heart that was pounding. He had always been attracted to power, and Potter had so much of it. Whereas Voldemort's power seemed endless it was also dark and oozing like tar. But Harry. It was like the boy had a supernova inside him. More endless power but hot and passionate. Just waiting to be untapped.

Those spells he had been throwing, they were not low level, and many of them could have killed people. But Potter had taken a number of them on the chin and still stood strong. Yes Severus truly recognized James before him, but for once it wasn't a bad thing. Severus found it almost, admirable.

No this boy was remarkable.

Severus almost found himself smiling. He had honestly thought all hope had been lost, but here in this child was their salvation.

He watched as the boy stood and shook himself slightly. "Yes I would like to learn." He said in earnest, and for once in his life Snape was willing to teach.

TBC

_Reviews please!_


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Severus watched the boy's facial expressions as he gently wiped the salve over his ailments. He had transfigured a table into a couch and had made Harry lay back on it. The boy was pretty beat up, even with all the potions now coursing through his boy, they didn't heal the cuts upon him.

Harry had sat without a fuss, pulling his shirt off over his head. Severus was reluctantly impressed. The boy had taken quite a few hits, and did have a few nasty cuts. Now he was lying back allowing Severus to place a salve over the cut, to heal and prevent scarring.

He looked around his classroom. He probably should have encouraged the boy into his quarters upstairs; it was a nicer environment to be healed in. He was aware how sinister it appeared. With jars of things pickling inside them. But Severus did not want a Potter in a place so private to him. It was almost sacred to him. A hidden aspect of his soul where he could be himself. It was rare Severus could be himself, emotions had to be concealed.

Harry opened his eyes and looked up at the ceiling. Goosebumps adorned his chest and arms. Severus ignored it the boy would be on his way shortly anyways. He took this opportunity to study his patient's eyes subtly. They seemed darker then the eyes he remembered and more closed off. The eyes he remembered had the light of life dancing within them. This pair was darkened by shadows of pain. Haunted by the Dark Lord.

"I have finished." Severus told him curtly and stood, tidying away his things.

"Thank you." Harry stood and pulled his shirt back on. He waited a few moments looking at Severus. "Why did you attack me when I entered?" He asked causally.

Severus did not look around from the cupboard. "I thought that obvious Potter? A test to see how ready you are for battle. I wanted to see how well you could cope under a surprise attack."

Severus could see in the reflective surface, Harry with tilted his head in thought, rubbing his arms gently to give him some heat. "You could have warned me." He grumbled slightly.

Severus found the tone slightly annoying but chose to ignore it. He turned and clasped his eyes upon the boy. "That would have defeated the object do you not think?" Harry smiled in humour and went to stand up. "Wait just a moment Potter." Severus leaned against the wall and folded his arms. "It's been a while since I've seen you smile. What has changed?" Severus actually found himself actually wanting to know.

Harry sat back down and clapped his hand on his leg. "Everything and nothing I guess. I suppose I just accepted my fate instead of rebelling against it. Does that make sense?"

"Perfectly. You are maturing Potter."

"I've been mature since I came to Hogwarts Sir." Harry told him confidently.

"Oh? I beg to differ Potter. As I recall a young boy who played many a prank on fellow students. Who sometimes stuffed himself so full of treacle tart he could not move?" Severus answered back, feeling a small smile turn the corners of his lips.

Harry huffed playfully. "Alright yes I was a child. But no longer."

"No now you are a man."

Harry looked confused at Severus for a few moments and he wondered quickly if he had over stepped the boundary. "Potter it is late you should be returning to your bed. You have school tomorrow."

"I don't understand this at all." Harry looked at him, down right bewildered.

"There is nothing to understand Potter. I told you to go to bed." Severus turned intent on heading up to his own quarters. "I will arrange a detention sometime in the future to continue your teaching."

"Damn it Snape don't walk away." Harry growled.

Severus stopped and looked back at him. "Language Potter and it is Professor Snape to you." He snapped at him. He may be getting fond of the boy, but there was no reason this whelp could speak to him like that. "I am leaving now to retire for the night. I suggest you do the same." He glared at Harry and walked to the door which led to his chambers.

"I know it was you that sent me the hangover potion. What I don't know is why you did it. Why you want to help me so much. A few months ago we hated each other enough to kill the other. What the Hell is going on?"

Severus turned back to the boy, lost for words. Had Potter cottoned on?

"I used to despise you. You made my life awful sometimes. You insulted my friends and my housemates. You treated me unfairly, made me feel like I was the biggest waste of space, and on occasion I actually wanted a cauldron to blow you up .Then I felt sorry for you, at what my father and Sirius put you through." Harry stopped and took a breath.

"So now here we are. You still hate me yet you sent me a potion. You're training me. Why? I know you and my Mother were friends. She stood up for you when my Father bullied you. Any debt you have to her has been repaid. You already saved my life in my first year. But here we are." Harry gestured wildly with his arms, eyes flashing in anger.

Severus looked down at the floor. "I never hated you Harry, I just could never see you under James." He looked up pinning Harry with his stare. "We were not "friends" as you so casually put it. You Mother she was…" He paused. Could he actually tell Harry this?

"You were in love with her?" The boy whispered stunned.

Severus didn't answer he didn't need to.

"That's it isn't it? You trying to look after me because you loved her and you caused her death. I'm just some sort of repentance to you." Harry ground out from clenched teeth. "And here I thought you of all people might care about if I die or not. You certainly acted like it. I thought it mattered to you that I was Harry and not just Potter."

Harry walked up slowly so they were only a few centimetres from each other. Severus watched as Harry tried to sort out his emotions, which were clearly conflicting.

"My Mother and Father are dead Snape. Dead and not coming back. I am not my Mother. Whatever you think you owe her I don't want it. Stop seeing her through me. We're done I don't require your training anymore." Harry spat at him and stormed off.

"That's not it at all." Severus whispered to the room.

HPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHPHP

Harry stomped up the stairs. It was childish he knew, but putting anger through his feet made him less inclined to blow something up. So the game was up he knew the big mystery. Snape was in love with his Mother. It explained a whole lot. Someone else to put on the list of people who saw him as one of his deceased parents. Harry carried on walking, just letting his feet carry him wherever.

And here he had felt better earlier. He had felt like life was manageable again and then something else was dropped into his life. He was going to go crazy at this rate. He recognized he was near the owls. He kicked the door open with his foot and walked in, scanning for Hedwig. She was there, high in the rafters but sleeping. Harry exhaled heavily and made his way towards the window.

It was late in the night and the stars were already making an appearance. They were more brilliant then usual, it was a moonless night. There was little in the way of wind, but the cold was certainty beginning to let itself be known. Well it was coming up to winter.

He placed his hands upon the stone frame, his breath escaping him in smoky exhales.

Had his mum known? Had his dad? Had that been why Snape was bullied? It was like Ginny or Hermione going out with a Slytherin. Would Harry and Ron be understanding? Ron probably not, but himself? It would be difficult to understand why, but if they were happy Harry would accept them. Eventually.

He sat on the stone window arch, looking out towards the grounds.

His Mother had not cared about different houses. She had seen something in Snape to befriend. So by the logic he couldn't be all that bad. But something must have happened for Snape to take the Dark Mark. Harry shifted his leg up so he could rest his head on his knee. Sometimes the world around him just didn't make sense. He looked at the ground beneath him. Sometimes it made you want to sleep and not wake up. He leaned over further.

"Potter do not be an idiot!" Whipped across the quiet of the room. Harry was pulled violently from the door frame, and pressed face to face with an angry Snape.

Harry scowled and struggled, trying to push the older man off him. "What the hell are you doing? I wasn't going to jump!" Harry shouted eventually pushing the man from him. Panting heavily he looked at the distressed form of Snape. It made him take a double take. Snape distressed?

"Why'd you care anyways? I'm not her. I'm not important to you. Makes no difference."

"Spare me the dramatics Potter, I came to speak with you and I find you hanging out the window. What am I supposed to think?" Snape took a step closer, almost predatory in his stance.

"Oh don't worry Dumbledore would find someone else to fill my shoes. There are plenty of other people to torment!" Harry flung at him, like a weapon.

"That is not why I was concerned." Snape said quietly.

Harry almost had strain to hear him. "Ah my Mother. Well Professor I'm sure she knows that the debt has been filled, so no problem there either." Harry told him sarcastically.

"Would you just listen to me you annoying child." Snape pinned him against the wall forcefully. "That is not why either. I was concerned that you Harry might want to end his life."

Harry's breath hitched in his throat. Here was a teacher so despised by him and he was holding him against the wall. Their faces were nearly touching; he could see his reflection in those dark eyes. He could see individual strands of hair. Neither moved. "I used to see you Mother in you. But now I assure you, I am helping you for yourself." Snape let him go and moved back slightly.

"Yes I loved your Mother. But she is dead and I cannot bring her back." Snape sat on the window ledge, elbows resting on his knees. "She meant everything to me and I lost her. I had not realised that Prophecy would cause her death."

Harry looked down, scuffing the floor with the toe of his foot. Completely speechless. Snape was worried that he might take his life, because of who he was? He processed the rest of his Professors words, not able to miss the pain in them. Here was someone who loved his Mother very much. Someone that he Harry might have taken away from the older man. " That only meant me. Voldemort killed my Father and intended to kill me. He told my mother to move aside. It was me being born that killed her."

"No. The Dark lord would not have just left her there, even if I had pleaded for her life. Your being born was nothing you could control Potter. But it was because she gave her life for you that I feel I have to protect you. You are in some way what I have left of her." Snape told him sadly.

Harry felt himself slide to the floor, the cold stones sapping his heat. He was well aware it was covered in droppings but he had to sit. "But Professor I'm not her."

"I am aware of that. But I will continue to protect you. For her sake and your own. I admit Potter that I always saw your parents in you, and I was harder on you then I needed to be. But consider my position, sat here before me is the Dark Lord's bane. I couldn't be fair on you. I am still a spy. Besides I was under certain illusions you were a spoilt arrogant child." Snape sighed and looked at the ceiling.

"Why did you come after me?" It was a question burning inside of Harry.

Snape looked at Harry intently. "Because Potter I do not hate you. Things are different between us, but I am content to let them be and not make an issue of them. I sent you the potion because it was my way of apologizing to you, for speaking out of turn the night of Professor Slughorn's party."

Harry nodded. It was Snapes way of being nice. He could feel his anger diffusing. "Just what is going on here?" he asked gently.

"Potter I am just trying to help you defeat the Dark Lord."

Enraged once again Harry stood up. "Stop lying to me! What's going on? Years of hate do not just vanish as quick as yours do!"

"Why not Potter. You do not seem to hate me as much as you once did." Snape asked calmly.

"Because…" Harry paused. He thought about it, why didn't he hate Snape as much as he did? "Because it seemed wasted in the scheme of things. But mainly because I began to see you for who you were. You did things for a reason; you acted in certain ways for a reason."

"Precisely. Why should my answer be any different Potter?"

Harry looked at him sceptically. Without even realising it a tentative bond had formed between them. "You see me?" Harry whispered where it floated in the space between them.

"It would seem that way Potter."

"My name is Harry."

"I am aware of what your name is. But you must be aware I cannot call you that." Snape stood up to leave.

"Hang on wait." Harry jumped to his feet, arm out stretched as if to stop Snape leaving. "This is just a first to me. People don't usually see behind the scar."

"I'll think you find Potter that people do. Maybe you're the one who is hiding behind it?" Snape told him almost echoing Ginny's words.

"Do you still love her?" Harry held his breath looking at the mans strong back.

Snape stopped his hand on the door handle. "I do not see how that has any importance to you?"

"Because she was my Mother." Harry said forcibly.

"Loved, Potter is a past tense; take from it what you will." With that as his parting shot, he was gone.

Harry stared at the door a long time after he was gone. Here Snape had followed him across the castle to make sure he was ok after their little spat. Snape had always been the one to find him. Somehow without even realising it Harry had began to rely on Snape to save him, to rein him back into reality when things got too big for him to handle it. While yes his methods might have been harsh and he might have been a bully, Harry had always been pulled back down to earth.

He had always had someone looking out for him without even realizing it.

TBC


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13 **

History of Magic had to be without a doubt the dullest subject in the world. It probably did not help that the Professor was dead, but that was where the bafflement began. Surely a lesson taught by a ghost would be exciting? It wasn't often you saw ghosts around outside Hogwarts, so this lesson by Harry's train of though, ought to have been more exciting then it was. So why the Hell was it so bloody boring!

Not for the first time since entering the Magical world, Harry wished he had a watch. Muggle items tended not to work here and he couldn't really perform a Tempus spell, without appearing rude. He looked through the eyes of the Professor. He probably wouldn't actually notice. Harry had just begun subtly drawing out his wand when the bell signalled for lunch.

He roughly shook Ron to wake him, he was actually starving, and he didn't want to miss any food. Ron bolted up right, his red hair standing to attention. "Lunch time?" He asked excitedly. Harry nodded and followed his friend as he nearly ran from the classroom. Harry did wait for Hermione for a few minutes before deciding she was a big girl and could fend for herself.

He caught up with Ron who slung an arm over his shoulder. "So Captain when are you going to host try outs?"

Harry pushed his arm off him laughing. "What you going on about Ron?"

"Hello Quidditch?" Ron waved his pale hand in front of his eyes. "Earth to Harry? Don't tell me you forgot? The matches will be drawn up soon and you haven't got a team." Ron shouldered his way past the big door leading the great hall, and walked rather swiftly leaving a thoughtful Harry behind.

"Quidditch Captain?" He whispered to himself. He tapped his lower lip with his finger. Yes Harry vaguely remembered something being mentioned. But that was when Sirius and everything else had been happening in his life, he hadn't paid it much thought. He sat at the table so he was opposite Ron.

Someone gaze was burning a hole in him and Harry knew exactly who the beetle eyes belonged to. However he was going to ignore it. Let the man stare if he wanted to Harry hadn't done anything wrong, and he wanted to digest their last conversation at his own pace.

He grabbed a sandwich and chewed thoughtfully.

"You forgot didn't you?" Ron asked him playfully.

Harry glanced up and nodded quickly. "Had too much going on at the time."

Ron nodded wisely. An odd look on the boy. "I'm sure Padfoot would have been proud you being Captain and all." He poured himself a drink and offered the jug to Harry who thanked him.

Harry looked at the sandwich in front of him suddenly not very hungry anymore. Here he was sitting around planning Quidditch when his Godfather was dead. Somehow it just didn't sit well with him. He pulled off the crusts and mutilated them. Once that was complete he looked around him. The majority of the students looked happy and were joking with each other.

He felt something white hot flash in his chest. It just wasn't right that when someone you loved was dead the world continued to go around and be happy, and no one else seemed to share your pain.

As if struck by revelation Harry stared up at the teachers table at where Snape was sitting. Was this the pain Snape went through? As if sensing his gaze, Snape looked at him and raised an eyebrow in question. Harry quickly looked down.

(Great.) He thought to himself. (He probably thought I was staring at him or something.) Harry pushed his sandwich towards Ron and picked up an apple instead.

Hermione came in with Ginny and they waved from across the Hall. Ron gestured Hermione to sit with him, which left Ginny sitting with Harry. "I was just asking Harry about Quidditch tryouts." He informed the girls, picking up Harry's sandwich.

Harry suddenly had both girls staring at him.

"Great idea Harry! When you planning on having them?" Hermione inquired whilst plating up some food.

"To be honest I only remembered I was Captain about ten minutes ago. I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to do?" Harry bit into his apple. "Am I meant to post a notice or something? Or is it by word of mouth?"

Hermione twirled a strand of curly brown hair around her finger. "A notice would be better if you want more people to know. Would you like me to write you one? Many people find your handwriting hard to understand. No offence Harry." She said smiling at him.

Harry smiled back. "No I don't mind thank you Hermione."

"So when will they be?" Ginny chipped in causally.

Harry thought quickly. He hadn't arranged any training with Snape and he was sure the man would leave him alone for a while longer. Thursday seemed like a good day. "Thursday after school? Around maybe four thirty?"

His friends nodded. "Just check the pitch isn't booked." Hermione added.

"Are you having all the tryouts at once?" Ginny asked pouring herself some juice.

"You thinking about trying out or something Gin?" Ron asked his tone of voice slightly sarcastic.

Her head whipped round at once. "And what's it to you if I do? Are you trying out?" She accused.

"Well I was thinking about it. The team needs a new keeper after all. But Gin you don't have much experience. Quidditch is a slightly dangerous game after all."

Harry caught eye contact with Hermione quickly. Both knew that was a mistake on Ron's behalf. By the rapidly building blush on Ginny's cheeks, it was a major one.

"I'll have you know Ronald that after years of helping you guys fly around in the yard I've gotten pretty good at it! Just because I'm your younger sister does not mean I don't have the balls to play Quidditch!" Ginny slammed her hands down on the table and stood up.

"Ginny wait, I'm sure Ron didn't mean it." Harry tried to fix it.

He flinched when she looked down at him. "Don't apologize for my pig headed brother Harry. I'll be there on Thursday." With that as her parting shot she stormed off.

Harry looked towards Hermione who went to get up. "No Hermione I'll do it, you've only just sat down." Harry pushed his bench back slightly and grabbed some treacle tart.

"But Harry you've hardly eaten anything." Hermione launched right back into mother mode.

"I'm fine Hermione I'm not all that hungry." He looked at Ron. "What lesson is it after lunch?"

"Transfiguration."

Harry grinned. "Not to bad a lesson great. I'll be back before the bell goes. If I'm late make up a decent excuse."

"Alright you're now officially dying." Ron gestured at the general direction Ginny had stormed off. "Tell her sorry from me wont you?"

Hermione thumped him in the shoulder. "That should be your job Ronald." She scolded heavily.

Harry left them to it.

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Severus knew the exact moment Harry entered the great hall. It was as if the air had suddenly shifted. The conversations had turned to silence all around him, and he was left focusing on the boy. Something strange had happened between them, and Severus did not know how to address it.

The boy was thinking about something, he only tapped his lip when in thought. An actual unique trait not passed down from parents.

"Severus I have need of your assistance." Dumbledore was suddenly standing behind him, hand upon his shoulder. At least it jogged him from his obsession slightly.

"Yes Headmaster how can I assist you?" Severus politely asked.

"Minerva it seems has come down with a heavy cold. She seems to be almost spitting up fur balls." Dumbledore chuckled. "I've checked the staff rota Severus and it seems you have a free period after lunch?"

Severus put his fork down. That time was usually reserved for making potions, not babysitting. He knew he did not have a choice however. "What class is it?" He prayed it was the Ravenclaws; they at least seemed to teach themselves.

"Sixth year Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors. Minerva has left the teaching notes on the desk for you, shouldn't be a hard lesson."

The world was cursed he was knew it. He was not due to have Potter in class until tomorrow, but no fate had thrust Potter in his path once again. Dumbledore moved away and Severus stared at his glass. His hair prickled at the back of his neck someone was looking at him. His gaze swung to Potter who was looking at him with something akin to understanding? He raised a brow in question. What was Harry doing looking at him? With an accepting gaze no less?

Harry quickly looked down realising he had been caught. Severus was perplexed. What was the boy doing looking at him? More importantly what was with the light dusting of a blush across his cheek bones? What was the boy up to? He continued his observation of the boy while other friends of his came and sat with him. The Weasley girl sat very close to him, he observed and seemed to be hanging on Harry's every word. Just what could Potter be speaking about that held her attention so fully?

Why would Severus even care? It was obvious this girl had a crush on Harry, and hormones at this age did seem to run rampant. Not that Severus would have any experience of that.

There was a falling out at the table it seemed and the girl walked away angrily. What surprised Severus was that Harry stood up to go after her. Could it be the boy returned the same feelings? Well it did not matter to Severus who Potter ran after. He watched as Harry walked after her.

So just why was it then Severus felt something akin to anger at this turn of events?

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"Ginny wait up!" Harry jogged after her and placed a hand on her shoulder.

Ginny span around angrily causing her fiery hair to whip around. "He's such an idiot sometimes. Why shouldn't I try out for chaser? Because I'm a girl?" She spat, her blue eyes flashing dangerously.

Harry drew her into a one armed hug. Ginny really was a pretty girl. Much different from the calm demeanour of Cho. Ginny looked like she was lit up from inside, always passionate about everything. "Maybe Ron is just a little over protective of you Gin? Oh I know you can look after yourself, but you his little sister, he just wants to look after you."

She calmed down a bit and leaned into the hug, diffusing warmth into Harry's side. "I know it just makes me so frustrated sometimes." She stormed stamping her foot. Harry chuckled and they carried on walking. It was nice being with Ginny like this.

He was aware she had a few admirers and it gave him a bit of an ego boost for her to be next to him like this. He felt happy in her company. Something inside him jolted with realisation and he looked at the girl. Here he was with a very pretty girl, one he felt comfortable with and it never occurred to him to make her his girlfriend. Well if she wanted to Harry wasn't going to force her, but why had the thought not crossed his mind?

He could hear Ginny talking about Ron again but he couldn't understand the words, so lost was he in his own confusion. Ginny was pretty and clever and fun to be around. Cho had been extremely clever and brave, but Harry hadn't felt anything towards them. Or other girls. Was something wrong with him? No of course not Harry dismissed it easily. Cho had been in love with someone else and Harry did not want to get in the way of that, and Ginny was his best friend's sister. Both were off limits. That was why he hadn't been interested.

Yes that made complete sense and Harry felt himself relax. Ginny grabbed his hand and smiled up at him. "Thanks for coming to check on me, but lessons will start again soon." There was an awkward moment when Ginny looked up at him, and he inclined his head to look down at her. Was she waiting for something?

"Don't worry about it, come on lets get back to school." Harry broke the silence.

Why did Ginny suddenly seem down? He said goodbye to her in the entrance to the castle and jogged down the corridor.

Harry ran into the Transfiguration classroom and took his seat between Hermione and Ron. The bell hadn't gone yet but he didn't want to be late. The Professor may have been his head of house but she was by no means lenient because of that fact. He had however beaten her there. He slumped in relief and pulled his books and quill out.

"I heard the Professor was ill today." Hermione told him.

Harry's heart froze in his chest. A cover teacher then? A dark haired face loomed in his mind. No Professor Snape wouldn't cover Transfiguration; Professor Flitwick seemed the more likely choice, Transfiguration was closer to Charms after all. Wasn't it? Yes that seemed logical. He calmed down again.

"How was Ginny?" Hermione inquired which also piqued Ron's curiosity.

"She was fine just needed to calm down. I think she intends to try out as Chaser."

"As fascinating as your life is Potter, the rest of us so called normal people have no desire to hear it. Twenty points from Gryffindor." The trio looked up into the menacing face of Professor Snape. Harry wisely remained silent. "As you are all by now aware Professor Mc Gonagall is unfortunately been taken ill. I expect no less then what I expect of your behaviour in the Potions class room."

Harry heard a Hufflepuff mutter. "And here I gave up Potions to escape Snape." Apparently so did Snape and a detention was swiftly handed out.

"Turn to page two hundred and seventeen." Snape barked out.

Harry looked at the page. Turning snails into teapots, sounded interesting.

"For the first half of the lesson you will merely practice, and then I shall hand out your snails." Snape looked almost bored of this prospect. Nobody moved everyone was staring at the Professor in a timid silence. "Well do you need me to hold your hands? Or can you mange that yourselves?" Snape sneered.

The class suddenly leapt into action.

After an hour of practicing wand movements and learning the correct incantation the students were indeed allowed to practice on their own snails. At the moment Harry was currently scowling down at his. Oh it was a teapot alright it was just the bottom was still slimy. When you tipped it up, slime also came out from the spout.

Hermione's was immaculate; she even had a fancy design on her teapot. Ron's he was relieved to see looked slightly worse then his own. His teapot still had shell on it.

Harry looked back at his own. Stupid bloody thing. What had he got wrong? He poked it angrily with its wand. Oh dear Merlin it could still move. He watched as it moved over to Ron's and bumped it with its spout. The incantation must have been wrong. He peeled it from the table reluctantly and tried again.

The movements of his wand were right, he practised a little first. Then came the incantation. Harry stumbled over the last syllable, which he knew would mess the spell up. He closed his eyes as his pot was encompassed in light, and prayed he had got it this time. After a reasonable amount of time had passed, he opened them again.

He hit the table in frustration. Now he had the same problem as Ron. The snail was about to go flying across the room.

"I think the snail has suffered enough abuse for one day Potter. Change it back and pack away." Snape's sarcastic voice came at him.

"IN A MINUTE." Harry growled out. He was going to get this spell right, it was just annoying him now.

Severus had watched with barely concealed humour as the boy had scowled away at his teapot. He wasn't far from getting the spell right, but his frustration was getting in the way of logic. Another reason Severus suppressed all of his emotions. However the look on Harry's face was indeed funny. It seemed all emotions could only be suppressed for a while; this one had managed to escape his hold. It was surprising to Severus how this child could make him feel his emotions a tad more sharply then usual, but he wasn't going to question it just now. Seeing Harry in a lesson different from his own had been rather interesting to watch.

Harry in his own lessons was normally subdued and uncertain of what he was doing. But here in Transfiguration he was confident and quick to learn. A rather different student from the one he was used to. He wondered why it was then Potter had taken Potions. Severus had said Harry's grade in his O.W.L.S was not good enough for his class, but Severus had been made to take him under Dumbledore's orders.

Here he had tried several times to rectify his mistake, in Potions however he usually gave up. Possibly he had ground out most of the boy's morale in Potions? Maybe he should only pick on him every other day or so.

He told Harry to pack away and was annoyed when he got an angry response back. He let it slide to see if he could actually learn the spell. The boy seemed to realise where he was going wrong and he took a deep breath to calm himself. Then he was able to perform the spell with relative ease. Severus could see the boy was proud with himself as he changed it back and began to pack up.

The class waited and watched him as they waited for the bell to ring. What did they want out of him congratulations? He ignored the whole lot of them and carried on with his marking. When the bell finally did ring, he then decided to look up. "Dismissed." He said casually not caring what they chose to do.

Harry was stuck behind a crowd of students trying to push out of the door, and a little thought appeared in Severus's head. A quick cutting hex caused the boys bag to fall and the contents spill everywhere. Harry flashed an angry look up at him and gestured his friends to leave before him.

The class room was silent as both men looked at each other.

"So here we are Potter." Severus broke the silence first.

Harry brandished his broken bag at him. "Sir you didn't have to destroy my bloody bag." He threw it on the ground in despair.

"So Potter just fix it later? I needed a word that is reason enough." Severus could feel himself smirking, he couldn't help it, it was an old habit.

"A letter would have worked." Harry leant against the table. "So?" He asked causally, his hands rammed in his school trousers.

"I would like to see you Thursday evening to discuss a training regime for you. I have accessed our duel the other night thoroughly and have thought of some suggestions." Severus had to admit he was a little surprised that the boy's face fell. He thought they had passed this; it seemed they still had a long way to go. It angered him slightly.

"Potter you agreed you need training, I will not have you scrubbing cauldrons all evening." He could feel himself snapping at the boy slightly.

"Sir it isn't that it's just." The boy trailed off slightly.

"Just what?" Snape barked at him.

"I was hosting Quidditch try outs on Thursday. I'm the Captain for the Gryffindor team." Harry told him shyly.

"And what pry tell does that have to do with anything? Flying will not win you the war you stupid boy." Severus sighed irritably. Here he had thought the boy had matured past all these frivolous activities. "You will be in my office on Thursday no discussions about it." Severus pointed to the door, signalling Harry should leave.

Harry looked at him defiantly. "No Professor. This is important to me. You can stand there and think it pointless, or that I'm it for glory just like my Father. But I love flying." Harry told him conviction in his words. "I never do anything for me. I forgot I was the Captain for Merlin's sake. I was so swamped down with grief and what I was meant to be doing for the rest of the world that I forgot something that was important to me. I even thought Ron and Hermione had forgotten about me, but in truth I had probably shut them out as well."

Severus watched as the boy gave his speech. Quidditch was a waste of time why was the boy so passionate about it? "Save me the sob story Potter. You will be in my office on Thursday at four or it will be a detention. Do I make myself clear?"

The boy deflated before his eyes sadly looking at the floor. "I'll be there." He shuffled past without as much as a glance. Severus sat back to his marking. He re read the same sentence several times before he realised something was wrong. Throwing down his quill he looked towards the door. Quidditch may not have been important to him, but it seemed it was very important to a certain young man, and Severus had just squeezed the joy from that as well.

Scowling he raked some parchment towards him with his nails.

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Harry looked at the sign Hermione had posted up. It looked nice and people had already crowded around it excitedly. Well he would have to change the day but that could be done later. It wasn't dinner time yet, but Harry just wanted to sleep. He ignored people calling his name and trudged up the stairs. His room was empty but he drew the curtains around his bed anyway.

Why was Snape always such a bastard to him? He had thought the man understood him. Apparently not and they were back to the old ways.

"Harry?" Floated through the empty room. He ignored Ron, pretending he was asleep. He didn't want to see anyone just yet; it was going to be hard enough telling everyone he had to postpone the tryouts. Oh what a Captain he was. Already messing people around.

The letter was thrust through his curtains. "I know your not sleeping and you want to be left alone, but this just came for you." Ron dropped it on his bed. "I'll see you at dinner ok?"

Harry waited for the footsteps of Ron to melt away into silence before he sat up and looked at the letter. If he wasn't mistaken that was Snape's handwriting on the front. Years of degrading comments on his assignments allowed him to make a correct observation. What did he want now? Was he summoning him now?

He opened it gently, scared it was a howler, but the envelope wasn't red. A slip of parchment slipped out, nothing sinister.

_Potter,_

_It seems I have a prior engagement on Thursday evening. I therefore expect to see you Friday at four. Failure to do so will result in a hundred points being taken from Gryffindor._

Harry stood on the bed in excitement. He placed his letter under the pillow and ran out the door, fully intent on booking the pitch for Thursday. Snape it seemed was not a bastard after all.

TBC


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

_It might be a while longer now in between chapters. As always please review, they are important for writers and it really does motivate me into writing more and updating more. Otherwise I worry people aren't enjoying it._

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Severus was freezing despite the thick coat he had on. Winter had begun to creep up on autumn and was killing it slowly but surely. He was sitting in the stands within the Quidditch pitch, watching Harry acquire his team. The reason he was watching, he told himself was because he had nothing else to do this evening. Marking had been done and no outstanding Potions to be made. Also another plausible excuse was that he was spying on the Gryffindor team to improve his own house team. But Severus was not one to lie to himself. To other people maybe but to himself? Well he tried not to make a habit out of it.

He could see the boy was excited at what he was doing. Because of the responsibility? Or because of the actual flying? Well whatever the reason was Severus actually enjoyed seeing the boy happy. Not that Harry could see him sitting here, invisible in the stand. But it gave Severus ample time to observe Harry in his comfort zone, doing something he loved.

It also gave Severus some time to think about what as going on. He wasn't an idiot he realised he felt something toward the boy. But therein lay the problem. Just what was he going to do about it? He hadn't told Lily how he felt; he didn't see why Harry should be any different. Besides this time there was a whole army of reasons against him.

The boy was his student, he was younger, Dumbledore would kill him, and Voldemort would kill him. Severus exhaled heavily and rubbed his hands together, trying to revive them. Above all else Harry was male. Severus had no issue with love transcending borders such as age, sex and ethnicity, but it baffled him he may have crossed two of them, he had never shown interest in males before, or anyone much younger then himself. But then again he had never really shown much interest in anyone before.

The spark of life within Harry attracted Severus, that and his infinite power.

But there were all these problems stacked against him. Another over whelming argument was why would Harry even look at him like that? He was a teacher, a helper in the boy's eyes. Severus didn't even know if Potter would be attracted to males.

Abruptly Severus stood, angry with himself. Just what was he thinking? He didn't want a relationship from anyone. He was content to be by himself, he was a solitary man and that was the way he liked it. Here he was contemplating his attraction to Potter like he was love sick or something. He was a grown man for Merlin's sake. He did not have to justify his attraction to himself. It was just attraction, a flight of fancy that would work itself out. Nothing would come of it because Severus would not allow anything to come of it. Although he felt pity for the boy and understood his actions towards things, he still had to save the Wizarding race, and that had to come above all else.

Severus walked slowly down to the pitch.

His emotions had to be controlled for exactly this reason. He was a spy, a double agent and he had a job to do. He wanted the world safe just as much as the next person, and just like people were relying on Harry, he was in turn relying on Severus to make him a fighter.

These emotions would not be addressed again not ever. If they were both alive after the war then maybe the time would come to look at them again. But for now they served no purpose.

He still felt a twinge of anger when the Weasley girl ran up to Harry though. He had to restrain himself from cursing her.

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Harry looked at his notes as the tryouts trudged back to the castle. All in all it had gone rather well. Ginny had made chaser in his eyes. She was very talented the team could use someone like her. He felt a smile creep over his face. He hoped he wasn't playing favourites.

For what seemed like the hundredth time he looked towards the stands. He could have sworn someone was watching him, he was usually spot on about things such as that, but there was no one. He was going slowly crazy. Shuffling about a bit on his feet to keep warm he glanced down at his notes again. Now Ron as keeper? Yes it was true Ron was not the best Keeper, there was someone a little better, but Harry knew Ron and he knew that he had been nervous. But was that enough reason to give the boy a position?

Harry folded the parchment and put it in his pocket. He told them he would put the results up at the weekend so he had enough time to think it over. Right now he was looking forward to some dinner.

Fate it seemed had alternate plans as Dumbledore stood waiting for him in the castle entrance.

"Ah Harry my boy, just the person I was waiting to see." Dumbledore beamed at him.

Harry waited unsure what this was about. "What about sir?"

"I was hoping if you were not to busy at the moment that you could accompany me back to my office?"

Harry didn't see how he had a choice really. Dinner would have to wait till after he guessed. He nodded at Dumbledore and followed him to the tower. "It seems Harry that Professor Snape found the names of all the people that attacked you, and is punishing them severely." Dumbledore chuckled. "Hagrid has never had so many students helping him with his more dangerous creatures"

Harry felt himself stumble on the concrete floor. Snape had punished the Slytherin's that attacked him? How unlike the man. Harry knew that Snape was angry at what had happened to him, but to follow through on it? He was pleasantly surprised. Something grey protruding from Dumbledore sleeve caught his attention quickly though. What was wrong with his hand? It looked disfigured and burnt.

Just as quickly it was hidden again and Dumbledore gestured to the stairs leading to his office. "After you." Harry grumbled all the way up the stairs. Just what was it with adults and hiding things from him?

Harry entered the office and sat in his usual chair. He tried not to stare like normal. Dumbledore's office was always fascinating. There was often some new gadget that Dumbledore had acquired.

"Now Harry I understand you have undertaken a training regime with Professor Snape?"

What no tea and lemon drops? Dumbledore was quick and straight to the point. "Yes Sir."

"I am glad the pair of you could work together finally. It seems your hostility between one another seems to have evaporated." Dumbledore sat across from him, eyes burning just as bright as ever.

"Professor Snape and I seem to have come to an understanding." Harry responded not really wanting to divulge anything more. It was his personal life, not everyone needed to know.

The room was silent for a moment, occasionally interrupted by Fawkes snoring gently.

"I have no desire to burden you with more training Harry, if I had my way you would not be in this war at all." Dumbledore looked sadly at him, which annoyed Harry. No he did not want to be in this war either but he had come to terms with it, so in his mind so should Dumbledore.

"Severus had agreed to train you in duelling and releasing your potential and that is a wise choice. He is one of a few that know how Tom fights and will be able to assist you tremendously. As much as the pair of you bang heads together he seems to bring out the best in you. But alas I am getting off track. What I am offering you Harry is the chance to learn more about Tom."

Harry wasn't sure he heard right. "No offences Sir, but why would I want know more about Voldemort? I know the basic info. Racist, very powerful, looks like a snake. What more do I need to know apart from how to kill him?"

"There you have given yourself the answer."

"You're saying by knowing Voldemort I will learn how to kill him?" Harry asked sceptically.

"Precisely my dear boy, I have a pensieve that has within it memories all those who have had direct contact with Tom."

Harry felt his blood run cold. He didn't want to view someone else's memories not after he had violated Snape's. He still felt guilt for doing that. Dumbledore must have seen him looking uncomfortable. "Yours are not within the pensieve Harry." Harry felt his stomach churn painfully. It still felt like he was being disrespectful, but if something within helped him to win the war. Dumbledore would not have suggested it if it was a bad idea. There was something he wanted Harry to see. Some knowledge he wanted to bestow upon him.

"I understand Professor." Harry looked around for this mysterious Pensieve, none were lurking about anywhere.

Dumbledore chuckled loudly. "Not right this second Harry I am aware you are missing dinner. I will send you a note requesting your presence. But for now there is only one thing I ask you to do. You need to get on very good terms with Professor Slughorn."

"Slughorn? But what does he have to do with anything?" That batty old man? Harry questioned himself.

"He has a memory that is crucial and I need the unedited version. He already seems fond of you, and it is my belief that you might be able to acquire this memory for me. But I'm afraid we digress once again Harry. For now just concentrate on Severus's extra help and I will speak with you in the future." Dumbledore opened the door with a flick of his wrist. "Go get some dinner Harry, I will see you shortly."

Harry stood and bid Dumbledore goodbye and hurried out of the office. He supposed he should go down to dinner but he wasn't hungry now. Just how strong did everybody think he was? Harry Potter the boy who could do his lessons and extra training with Snape and now Dumbledore? He wasn't as strong as everyone thought him. Sometimes it felt like life was crushing him under its weight. No it wasn't life it was this forsaken prophecy.

He went to go hide somewhere. Harry wasn't in the mood to see anyone. He felt like he was on the verge of a meltdown and he wanted to do it in private.

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The Gryffindor students that had been on the pitch were sat at their table eating dinner. Granger and both Weasley siblings were there as well. So where the hell was Potter? Severus growled in his head. He was safe in the grounds now. He had thoroughly punished those who attacked him and he hadn't been that far from the castle.

He pushed his plate away irritably. Why! Just why did Harry have this affect on him? It was as if Severus abandoned all reason when it came to the boy. Logic and cool demeanour just flew from his soul and out the nearest window. He stood and went to go find the boy.

Harry had to eat. Severus knew the boy was probably still suffering from guilt and he had not adequately dealt with it yet. But if he was going to fight he needed to be strong in body as well as magic, and not eating was going to hinder that.

Severus methodically checked out all the usual spots in which Harry usually hid himself. The Astronomy tower, that classroom from their first encounter this year, the Quidditch pitch, but the boy had vanished. It was only when it got into late evening that Severus realized that the boy had no desire to be found, and as frustrating as that was he would have to leave Harry alone.

Well there was no sense in ruining the rest of his evening and there were potion ingredients that needed to be sorted for tomorrow's lessons. Anything to get his mind off the bloody brat. It was past curfew so there was little chance of his students needing him. As a head of house he did sometimes have his students come to him with concerns but they were Slytherin's so that was a rare occurrence.

As he rounded the corner his heart nearly leapt from his skin in shock. There waiting for someone was Harry. Completely oblivious that Severus had rounded the corner. Severus was afraid to move, this was not the usual Harry before him, neither was it the Harry shell he had gotten to know. Here before him was a broken Harry Potter.

The boy was sitting on a bench outside his class room, eyes red and hands trembling slightly. A clear indication that had been crying, not just a few tears, but uncontrollably. His green eyes were unfocused and full of despair, his raven tresses dishevelled.

Severus found himself swelling with anger. If someone had hurt Harry again he was going to expel them this time, regardless of house. He moved closer to the boy slowly, timidly so he wouldn't bolt. When he drew close the boy looked up at him and focused on him. "I was waiting for you." Harry whispered.

Severus felt his breath hitch in his throat. Waiting for him? Whatever for?

Harry stood wobbly. "I waited here because I don't know where your quarters are. I needed to speak with someone and you're the first person I thought of." He pleaded.

Severus moved past the boy and opened his classroom door with his own special key. Clearly the boy thought he was being ignored and had started shuffling away. "Potter get in here before I change my mind, and take points for being out after curfew." He stalked in not waiting for Harry and lit a few torches quickly.

The door clicked quietly shut as Harry shut it behind him. Severus vaguely indicated an empty bench and waited for the boy to sit in it. Why did Harry want to speak to him about what was upsetting him? That's what Granger and Weasley were for. But he waited patiently he wasn't going to shatter this new fragile trust they had between them.

"Dumbledore has training for me as well." Harry croaked out.

Severus waited. There was more to this than that. He pulled up a bench opposite Harry and sat, their knees nearly touching.

"I know why he wants me to understand Voldemort and I know there must be some information he wants me to understand, but it just feels…it just feels…"

"Like it's too much?" Severus helped the floundering boy.

Harry nodded his shoulders shaking as he suppressed more tears. "I don't understand why this is happening now. I had made a conscious decision to accept my fate, to face it head on. So what's going on?" Harry looked at Severus in confusion.

"You're still grieving Potter. You've taken all this own and tried to keep yourself busy so you wouldn't need to think of Black. You haven't allowed yourself a grieving period."

"I have too much I need to do. Training and Quidditch and saving the world." Harry sniffled miserably.

"Does it feel unfair to you that the world continues to be happy while someone you loved is dead? Do you want everyone to be miserable with you so you are not the only one?" Severus asked gently.

"Yes." Harry answered with conviction looking at Severus eagerly

"You are grieving. It's nothing to be ashamed of; these feelings will fade in time." Severus stood indicating the talk was over. Harry however didn't move, just stayed put his head bowed, and tears sprinkling the floor. Severus watched him. Something was stirring inside him as he watched the boy, and without realising it he had sat beside Harry.

"It's too much. It's all too much, Voldemort, Training, Sirius everything." Harry whispered brokenly.

Severus felt a shudder of discomfort when the Dark lord's name was spoken, but it was quickly replaced with shock as Harry all but flung himself on him. Severus looked down in disbelief. Harry has his forehead on his chest bone and his hands fisted in his robes as he cried out his agony. Severus sat there unsure what to do. He probably shouldn't have allowed it and he grasped Harry's shoulders about to pry the boy off him.

But he stopped as a memory made itself known. Of he himself crying when he lost Lily, crying alone in an empty room. Wishing Lily had been there to hold him, wishing someone had been present to comfort him. Severus felt the boys tears begin to soak into his robe.

Severus let his hand rest on Harry's soft hair and he closed his eyes.

He could allow himself to comfort Harry. Just this once.

TBC


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

_Hey guys another chapter for you all to enjoy. Thank you for the reviews they are always much appreciated, as before please spare me a few moments at the end of reading this to leave me a review._

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Harry didn't see how he was ever going to stop crying. Once he had started it was impossible to make it end. He had sought out Snape because he felt like he was the only man who could handle his break down. His friends would have hugged him but they would have been distressed by it all as well.

So now here he sat, his head pressing against Snapes chest clutching at his robes for dear life. He felt the world would dissolve around him if he did not hold onto something. Snape was right it was Sirius he was most upset about; Harry could not recall crying over his death. He had pushed his feelings to one side as the prophecy took precedence in his life.

Sirius. The only chance he had at a real family. He may have had his quirks but he had genuinely wanted to take Harry in and take care of him, unlike his Uncle and Aunt who made it clear every single day that he was a burden on them. That Harry was a life not worth nurturing, not worth loving.

Harry felt the tears stop coming as he calmed down. His body shook slightly with all the aftermath of his sobs but he was calming down. He was acutely aware of Snapes heavy hand on his head, ever so slightly moving in an attempt to calm him down. Harry was too exhausted to worry about that now. He pushed up from Snapes chest and looked up at the man.

The black glittering eyes gazed steadily back at him. Now Harry did not know Professor Snape all that well, but he did know the emotions on the Professors face. He had seen anger and disdain often enough. But what he saw now swimming in those eyes were neither of those things. The only emotions Snape seemed to be showing was concern.

Snape slowly pried his hands from the death grip upon his robe. "I think that was a step forward Potter." Snape stood and looked down. "You best be returning to your tower. It is after curfew after all."

Harry nodded and wiped his heated skin around his eyes. Snape was right he needed to sleep, he was shattered. He stood slowly testing his feet hesitantly. "Thanks for speaking to me." He told Snape's back before leaving the class room.

The man didn't answer or call him back so Harry continued walking down the corridor. It was late at he really did need to sleep, crying really took it out of him and it probably didn't help that he hadn't eaten properly today. An apple and treacle tart was not sustaining enough. Harry considered going down to the kitchen to get some comfort food and thought against it. Sleep was probably the best cure, sometimes things seemed so much easier to bare in the morning.

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Another sleepless night it seemed was in store for Severus. He lay in bed looking up at his ceiling. After Harry had left after that show of emotion Severus had no desire to do anything academic. The only desire he had was to continue holding the boy, to protect him from everything. Severus rubbed his eyes tiredly praying sleep would come swiftly. He had never seen such an open display of emotion from Harry. He had seen his annoyance and even his anger, but such an outward show of sorrow? It had come completely out of the blue. Severus had become used to dealing with a very angry Harry Potter. Not this sad broken shell.

It surprised Severus how much it had upset him to see Harry like that. How his protective instinct had surged up ready to harm anyone who had hurt Harry, and how easy it had been to comfort the boy. Sure Severus was not used to comforting people, who after all would come to him when they were sad. If it had been any other person Severus would have shut the door in their face and they would have heard his sadistic laughter echoing under the door. But Harry changed that side of him.

Harry made him want to listen. Sure he had to be nice to the boy and slamming the door in his face would have ruined the trust Severus had worked so hard to create under insistence of Dumbledore. But Severus had not wanted to slam the door in Harry's face. He had wanted Harry to open up to him, to trust him.

Severus held his hand up in front of his face; he could vaguely see the outline of it in the gloom of his bedroom. He had hugged Harry, the first time he had hugged anyone. It had felt…nice and secure. The boy hadn't ran from him or looked at him with distrust and disdain as everyone else did around him. Harry had stayed and pressed closer to him; trusting Severus enough to cry in front of him.

He rolled over and hugged his duvet to his chest. No one was around so he could divulge in fantasy just this once, couldn't he? Just for once he pretended it was someone he held not just the blanket. Even someone as cold and as emotionless as he could pretend that one day he might have someone to care about.

Even if that was about as likely as coming out of this war alive.

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"You know what I really miss." Hermione asked brandishing her spoon at Harry.

"No." Harry responded nibbling on his sandwich.

"Muggle TV. I really miss just watching television sometimes, films, shows heck I would settle for an advert." Hermione sulked digging her spoon into her pudding.

"I was never allowed to watch TV that much so I don't know what you're missing." Harry told her quietly.

It was a quiet lunch for the pair of them. Ron had gone with the other Gryffindor boys to go flying and Ginny was sitting with her own friends. Hermione didn't really spend much time with the girls in their year so they were sitting together, probably for the first time in quite a few months.

"Nothing you miss about the Muggle world?" Hermione inquired.

"Not especially." Harry's mind wasn't really on the conversation. His mind hadn't been on anything today.

Hermione put down her spoon and pushed her plate away. "Ok Harry what's up?" She asked firmly.

"Nothing I'm just tired that all."

"It seems like you're not the only one." Hermione gestured with her head towards Snape who looked ghastly. "That will make Potions next fun. But seriously Harry you can talk to me." Hermione's brown eyes were concerned.

Harry sighed. "Just got a lot going on at the moment Hermione. Sirius, Quidditch tryouts, Voldemort, my actual life."

"Well only deal with what you can at the moment. Quidditch tryouts isn't going to be so bad, you're the Captain people will stand by your judgement. Sirius would not have wanted you to still be sad Harry. He wanted your happiness." Hermione wondered how to tackle this next one. "The Dark Lord is a problem for everyone Harry not just you." She held up her hand at Harry's outraged face. "Yes I know it is you he's after but that's life I'm afraid. This is what you have been dealt with. One day we will as in the Order will face him in battle as you will, with your friends behind you. But for now while you're relatively safe in school, try to enjoy yourself a little bit."

"It's easy for you to say that Hermione none of these things are happening to you." Harry sulked.

"No they aren't but Harry the Dark Lord affects everyone not just you. Voldemort might be after you but it's someone I care for that he wants dead. That is hard for me to handle as well. But all I can do is study and try to be the best witch I can be. I try to find happiness where I can. The world could end tomorrow Harry you don't want any regrets." Hermione looked away from Harry tears misting her eyes. "I miss Padfoot as well you know. He might not have been my Godfather but I did care about him. But I know he wouldn't have wanted me moping around."

Harry placed his hand on Hermione's shoulder. "I know you did."

Hermione wiped her eyes quickly and patted Harry's hand. "So what's wrong with the actual life?" She teased.

Harry looked at the table, unsure if he could speak to Hermione about such things. It wasn't like he could talk to Ron about his sister. Ron would never speak to him again. "You know the other day? When Ginny was upset? I was speaking to her and I was surprised by how pretty she was." Harry stammered nervously.

"She is a pretty girl." Hermione smiled widely. "Oh my God! Do you have a crush on Ginny? That's so exciting!" Hermione squealed getting attention from a few other students.

"Shh Hermione keep your voice down." Harry gestured with his hands frantically.

"Sorry got carried away. Carry on." Hermione beamed at him.

"That's the thing Hermione. I saw how pretty she was but that was where it ended." Harry fiddled with his glasses. "I didn't want to ask her out to be my girlfriend or anything. Do you think something's wrong with me?" Harry looked pleadingly as her.

Hermione laced her fingers together and rested her chin on them. "No Harry with everything you have going on, your probably not ready for a girlfriend or even want one. You're grieving, stressed and a little angry. I think once things settle down for you and you're in a calmer place things might develop on the relationship front." Hermione told him kindly.

Harry nodded relived. He did after all have a lot on his plate at the moment. He didn't have time for a girlfriend. When would he actually be able to spend time with her? With all the extra training he had his girlfriend would feel lonely and abandoned. Yes that made perfect sense.

The bell rang interrupting Harry's thoughts.

"Come on I can see Professor Snape is in a bad mood, we don't want a detention over the weekend. Well I don't anyway." Hermione told him seriously.

"I don't try and get detention!" Harry scowled at her retreating back.

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Severus was in no mood to teach today. He wanted no noise, no interaction nothing he was overly tired and grumpy as Hell. The Potter class was doing a written assignment in complete silence and it was utter bliss. No Potions were going wrong, no snide comments from Malfoy and Potter, just pure golden silence.

He sat back in his hard chair and rubbed his temples. A lack of sleep made him highly irritable and he could feel himself itching for an argument. He had training with Harry though after this lesson and he didn't want to spend it all arguing with the boy. However Harry knew his moods by now. He wasn't going to act all sappy just because Harry cried on him. No crying did not dent Severus's hard exterior.

Looking up at the class he watched them all writing diligently, no one was giving him reason to pick on them just yet. Even Harry had his head down trying to concentrate. Severus subtly watched him. How he would get frustrated and scratch out a sentence in annoyance. The tapping of the lip when thinking. Severus could not observe to long however, he was well aware that some Death eater children were in this class.

He observed Draco for a few moments, who had finished and was tapping his fingers on the desk, completely lost in thought. Probably on his task at hand. Killing Dumbledore. Severus felt his hand twitch slightly. Curse that unbreakable vow and curse Dumbledore who had asked him to fulfil that role for Draco. Severus slumped in his chair. He didn't want to kill someone who had been a mentor to him. He and Dumbledore had their differences sure but Severus had always in his own way respected him. But to ask such a thing of him? Well it was no different from the other difficult tasks that both sides always had him doing. When would it be? Severus wondered. The day he could be a free man. If the Dark Lord was defeated the Wizarding world could rejoice but Severus would always be branded Dumbledore's murderer. If the Dark Lord won, well that was not something Severus wished. A corrupt world. But either way Severus was doomed, and there was sod all he could do about it.

Draco was not a child that could take on the mantle of killing. With such an important target such as Dumbledore. As cocky as the boy was Severus knew he did not have it within him to kill. Harry however as reluctant as he was to harm people, had what it took to kill. Severus knew it, Harry did not. It was his job to coax it out of the boy, even if he didn't want to.

Killing maimed a part of your soul, Severus knew it was one of the reasons he was broken inside he knew. He didn't want to inflict that on Harry but he had no choice, Harry had no choice. It was only the boy lived that could kill the Dark Lord. But it was another thing to add on the list on why he was going to go to Hell.

The bell signalled the end of the lesson and his students packed away quietly. Severus almost smiled, his students were taught well. The class filed out, a few students speaking to one another but Harry stayed behind.

"Feeling upset again Potter?" Severus asked sarcastically. He couldn't help it he was to tired to care today.

"No Professor, I was actually wondering if now was ok to have our meeting?"

Impatient whelp. "What time did my note say Potter?"

"Half four sir, but I was thinking…"

"Try not to it doesn't suit you. My note said half four and as it currently is three in the afternoon I suggest you go find something to do rather then bore me to death with your antics." Severus swept up to his quarters slamming the door in a very annoyed Harry Potters face.

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Harry slammed the list of the new Quidditch team on the wall angrily. The common room was relativity empty so not many saw Harry in his strop. Another Tempus spell told him it was only a little after four and Harry paced in front of his sign. He had been able to select his team rather quickly in the end. This gave him more time to be pissed at Snape.

First the jibe about his crying and then he acted like a complete arse once again. Harry literally flung himself into an arm chair staring at the crimson rug in front of the fire. Just why had it been that he felt compelled to go to Snape yesterday? Probably because the man actually understood what was happening in the real world. Could actually understand what Harry was going through. He guessed he would just have to accept that Snape would always be a sarcastic bastard. Harry stood. It must be nearly time to go, if he walked slowly enough he was sure he could drag it out so it would be half past when he got down the stairs.

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Severus could accept he had been a bastard. But that didn't mean he was going to say sorry for it. This was who he was. The fact he had feelings toward Harry made no difference. True it was probably unfair to take the piss out of the crying, but Severus could not change overnight and Harry must have known that. But judging from the sullen face he received at the door he guessed not.

This had to be rectified now otherwise Harry would be sulking all night. He gestured to a chair near his desk. "Potter look…"

"Save it Professor we have more important things to discuss." The boy sat tensely on the edge of his seat.

"Agreed but do not forget I am the teacher here and you will not speak to me like that. Is that understood?" Severus growled. "As I was saying I should not have brought the incident from the other night up. However you should have not come to a meeting an hour and a half early. That is no respect for me and what I do." Severus sat back in his Potions chair and observed the boy as he thought this over. "If I am to help you we must have some basic trust and respect between us."

"That means you have to respect me as well then." It wasn't a question Harry directed at him.

"What makes you think I do not? I concede the fact we still attack each other but respect has to be earned. If I did not respect you I would not have let you in last night, past curfew as well I might add."

"I suppose."

Severus bit back his sarcastic response even though it was near impossible. Really did the boy not know how to speak in sentences?

"Tonight I need to have a frank discussion with you and I require your honesty. I have no qualms about using Veritaserum with you."

"I think I can be honest enough thank you Professor."

"Very well, I need to know why you are not eating properly." Severus went straight for the jugular, and Potter seemed genuinely surprised.

"I don't know Sir, I guess I just don't feel that hungry." Harry stammered.

"You will be once you train properly and I doubt you will start eating properly then. Your body needs to be strong if you are going to succeed, otherwise you will simply faint on the battlefield Potter and the Dark Lord will have no qualms in destroying you once you have passed out from lack of food."

"I know Professor I just can't seem to make myself eat. I will make more of an effort to however."

"No effort just do it." Severus told him. "Listen Potter you have to believe that I am doing what is best for you. If I say eat it is because I require you to eat more."

"Ok I understand." Harry waited for further instructions.

"I assessed our duel from the other day. You are skilled Potter and I don't say that lightly. However." Severus snapped wiping the look of pride off the boys face. "That does not mean you do not have a long way to go. Oh I can teach you spells, spells you can only dream of." Severus's voice took on a lightly seductive edge and he was shocked to see it affected the boy sat in front of him. Harry was attracted to power like himself? Shaking himself slightly he ploughed on with the task at hand. "But spells will not be enough. You lack the will to fight. Your reflexes are good but your casting is sloppy. All in all there is much to be done."

"With all due respect Sir, if I wasn't powerful in some way wouldn't Voldemort have killed me by now?"

Insolent child! Severus felt a chill seep all the way to his bones. An esteemed man such as himself could not even utter the Dark Lords name in his own head let alone to another and here was Harry just saying it as casually as he was saying his own name. But perhaps the lack of fear was a good thing in Harry's case.

"And why have you not killed him either Potter? You may have escaped thus far but you have never fought in a proper battle."

"I don't want to kill anybody." Harry muttered.

"It seems you do not have the choice anymore. So what are you going to do? Sit there and sulk about how cruel fate has been to you? Or are you going to grow a pair and accept my help?"

"It seems I don't have a choice do I?" Harry scowled up at him.

"No."

"Fine teach me how to kill, teach me whatever you know."

"I will. I shall give you the skills to survive and kill in combat. But for now you need to go eat Dinner. I will send you a note with your extra lessons and what time I expect to see you."

Harry nodded and got up to leave. "Wait just a moment Potter. Before you leave I have another question in which I require your honesty." Harry waited his green eyes questioning. "When was it you realised you were attracted to power?" Severus inquired, he was curious.

"Sir? I don't understand what you're saying. I've never been attracted to power. That's Voldemort not me. We may be alike but magical power is not something that interests me. That's the truth. Blood purity, a persons magical power, it never interested me; I find learning about the person gives more depth of character. You cannot judge someone on blood or how powerful their spells are can you? Anything else?"

Severus shook his head and let the boy leave. If it hadn't been the power that Severus was dangling in front of him, just what was it the boy was attracted to? He wasn't blind something akin to passion had swept across Harry's face when he was talking about spells.

But what had caused it?

TBC


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

Most of the time if not all of the time Harry loved to fly. The feeling of being weightless, complete freedom, and his competitive side that came out whilst playing Quidditch. He loved all the aspects of flying. Apart from today. The weather was awful yes. It was October and it was England so rain and grey sky were normally present. For once though this was not bothering Harry. He had played games in the snow and ice. Where your hands got so cold gripping your broom they felt stuck on.

No the reason for Harry's mood was simple. His team was losing. Abysmally to Hufflepuff. To bloody Hufflepuff. Ron was nervous he knew. But his nerves were letting way too many goals in. Harry felt the stares of the Gryffindors searing into his back. How could the Captain have let someone like that on the team? Even if Ron was his best mate. All Harry could do now was try and minimise the damage and catch the snitch closing the gap between the points.

He was a fair way above the pitch; his hair was stuck to his skull and he was drenched to the bone. It was damn hard to see thirty centimetres in front on his face with the rain lashing at him. The other Seeker was circling nearby hoping Harry would help her find the snitch. Harry scanned the stands once again; they were rather quiet, most were subdued by the rain. But within the teachers stalls stood a very tall, very dark man who Harry knew was Snape. Why the man was watching a game between his team and Hufflepuff though Harry had no idea.

He doubted Snape could see much of him apart from a red blob hovering in the sky so why was he staring at him? Harry thought back to his meeting in the classroom. He never noticed how…seductive Snapes voice could be. How it flowed from his mouth and washed over Harry deep and soothing. It was distracting him. Snape wasn't the most attractive man in the world. But he wasn't the least attractive either. Which had of course led Harry to freak out and thus far he had been in hiding until this match.

How was it no female had inspired these sort of thoughts in Harry? Yet a snarky bastard had? Harry felt himself missing his time with Snape occasionally, and that damned voice had broken something he had been holding within himself. The realisation that he would never actually fancy a female. Because he just wasn't interested in them. He had suppressed that so deep inside him and lied to himself for years. But that voice had unlocked it.

Harry wasn't ashamed that he liked men. He had been shocked it wasn't everyday you discovered something different about yourself. However the Wizarding world seemed more accepting then the Muggle one, he had seen other same sex couples and there seemed to be no problem. However they all seemed to be the same sort of age.

Harry was screwed. It felt like he had some sort of crush on a teacher. On Snape of all people. A person who used to love his own mother. So would never actually be interested in him, and for some reason that made the crush grow slightly. Why did he want something he couldn't have?

A flash of yellow flew past him chasing a streak of gold. Harry swore under his breath he wasn't going to let Hufflepuff win because he was thinking on some school boy crush.

He flattened himself on his broom and dove after the Seeker, not actually seeing the snitch yet but content to follow until the snitch made itself known. A few seconds later he himself saw the prize of gold flying away from them and Harry easily out flew the Hufflepuff Seeker. It was an easy catch as he soared back into the sky but the cheers confirmed what he already knew. Hufflepuff had won.

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Severus hated Quidditch. It was a pointless game with to much violence for what it was. There was no much skill involved unless you were a Seeker and Severus had yet to see any player that rivalled Harry Potter. Yet here he was on a cold and wet day watching two team's play and neither were his. Severus chalked it up to not having much to do on his Sunday apart from a meeting he had yet to schedule with the boy later, but Severus had found himself wanted to catch a glimpse of Harry, having not seen the boy anywhere in the castle for the past couple of days.

It seemed Harry had made a huge error in his selection of Keeper. The Weasley child was letting too many goals through and letting the other team speed ahead in terms of points. Severus could not understand Harry's feelings towards his friends. Severus had no friends and did not know why Harry was so loyal to his own. Harry had let his friend on the team and it was detrimental to the team. A weakness the boy had.

Severus observed Harry peering at him through the rain, clearly watching him. Severus glanced around; there was no one else for the boy to be staring at so it had to be him, but why? He hadn't even sent the note for Harry to meet him yet. The gaze was quickly broken as Harry dived after the snitch, easily catching it. It was clear the Hufflepuff team was going to win and Severus knew the boy was just ending the game to end the humiliation. Severus was beginning to understand Harry well.

The Gryffindor team trudged unhappily back to the castle leaving Harry and the Keeper behind. Severus half expected Harry to walk away and leave Weasley there but he didn't he stood beside his friend, one hand on his shoulder and the other holding the snitch.

Everyone was beginning to file out of the stands the Hufflepuffs overjoyed. But still the two boys stood in the pitch in the rain. Just what were they doing? Harry gestured his friend to rise in the air on his broom whilst he pulled the Quaffle out of its box. Then he to rose into the air.

Severus was perplexed Weasley had been the reason Harry's team had lost and instead of being annoyed and angry, Harry was now coaching him. He watched for a few moments allowing a small smile. Harry indeed was the right person for the Wizarding world. He was a natural leader, and won the loyalty of his troops instead of forcing loyalty from them.

He would give it an hour or two before requesting his presence.

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Harry sat next to Ron as they dug into dinner. He was starving, playing a match then spending a few hours coaching made him hungry. Even though he had promised he would try and eat more, he actually found himself able to fulfil that promise today. A few people were sitting away from Ron and himself but Harry couldn't care less, he was Captain and he knew Ron could make a good Keeper. Ron was looking a bit depressed and Harry had hoped Hermione would cheer him up. But his girlfriend couldn't care less about Quidditch and hadn't seemed to have succeeded.

Maybe a game of exploding snap later would cheer Ron up? Harry thought he still had some sweets in storage. He could eat what was left with Ron; there was another visit to Hogsmead next weekend anyway.

He heard a screech and looked up to see Hedwig gliding gracefully towards him. He frowned, it was a little late to be receiving post and Harry had a sneaking suspicion as to who it was. Hedwig landed on his shoulder and held her leg out to him, nuzzling her head against him in comfort.

"It's been a while." He spoke softly stroking her snowy plumage. He unravelled the note and offered her his plate, reading whilst she picked at it.

_Detention, 7pm, Potions classroom. _

A man of few words it seemed. Harry groaned and placed the note in his pocket. He was shattered a duel with Snape didn't seem that appealing. Hedwig nipped his ear gazing at him with her amber eyes. "Did you only just get this?"

The owl turned her head and shuffled her wings preparing to take off. "That means yes I take it?" Hedwig turned her back on him and flew away.

Harry looked up at the staff table and watched as Snape excuse himself. Great so he only had about ten minutes until seven. Harry eyed up the puddings now appearing. Well Snape said to eat…he could have a few in the next ten minutes. Quickly shovelling down two pieces of cake he told Ron and Hermione he had something to do and left quickly, they didn't hear him anyway. Ron was too lost in his melancholy and Hermione was busy thinking about the school day tomorrow.

It was only a quick stroll down to the Potions classroom but the stones seemed soaked with cold and Harry could see his breath escaping him. It almost wished he could run into a Slytherin a quick duel would warm his blood nicely. But alas the corridors were empty and Harry quickly found himself outside the classroom.

He stood beside the door filled with confusing emotions. Harry had been able to forget about them for the rest of the day but now here he was confronted with the reality he was about to see Snape and the emotions began weighing on his mind once again.

He used to hate Snape, HATE him. But now here he was with some sort of feelings towards the man. Something akin to lust. Now he had gotten over his hatred he could see the man in a different light. He was tall and strong looking; and his voice was music to the ears. But his personality could be prickly. But when he was being held by the man when upset, Harry couldn't describe it. He felt safe and secure and almost loved. That wasn't something he had felt before. So clearly something was different about Snape. But whatever this feeling was it was one sided, and Harry couldn't let it get in the way of Snape helping him.

Besides his Mother was a female. Harry was male. There lay the biggest problem. Snape would never, could never see him for anything more then a student. He hung his head in sadness for a few moments. He shook himself and pushed the emotions down, he had a job to do, a world to save.

He rapped on the door with his knuckles and waited for Snapes curt "Enter."

Moving into the classroom he found it empty which caused his heart to sink. He was exhausted he wouldn't be able to take a duel, and he didn't want to fight with Snape, he didn't want his emotions to get the better of him.

"Do not worry Potter we are not duelling today. If you would divert your attention here I'm sure you will see what I have in mind." Snape sat in a chair beside a chess board and was looking at Harry expectantly.

Harry saw the extra chair and sat himself down looking down at the battered chess board. "It seems someone plays even more then Ron does." He commented picking up a piece and turning it over in his fingers, feeling the worn down edges and the warmth of the wood.

"Pray tell what is that meant to mean?" Snape snapped at him, oddly defensive over his chess board.

Harry realised it must have seemed like he was insulting the battered chess set. "I meant I can see you play a lot."

Snape set up the pieces and looked up at him. "Chess is a game of logic and strategy, as you will no doubt one day be faced against a master strategist, I thought it wise to test your skills. This is testing your limited abilities."

Harry felt his face flush in annoyance. Talk about prickly. At least girls were nicer to him; heck many boys were nicer to him. If it seemed to be men Harry was interested in the least he could do was find someone who treated him better. He could feel himself scowling and glared at his king in anger.

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Severus had thought a game of chess would be a not to stressful way to test the boys abilities but the boy was getting more and more agitated and making simple mistakes. He knew chess was not the boy's strong point but it made you think and it could relax you. Severus knew Harry had a busy day and he was in his own way trying to calm him down.

Harry was staring down at the board but his mind clearly wasn't on the game.

"Is something wrong Potter?" He asked causally.

Harry's eyes flew up guiltily. Just what had the boy so preoccupied? "No Sir I'm just not very good at chess."

"You need to take your time with it. Anticipate your opponents move, learn how he thinks." Severus told him watching as Harry moved his Queen to take his rook. Exactly what he wanted to boy to do. He shook his head and took his Queen. No Harry was not good at chess. Harry was awful at chess. But for some reason that blush was back across Harry's cheeks, and that look from before. The look of almost wanting. But last time Severus had been talking about power. Now they were talking about chess.

There was no power in chess. The only common link was that he was talking to the boy.

Oh Merlin!

His heart leapt uncomfortably in his chest and he stared at Potter startled. His palms sweating and the blood rushing in his ears painfully.

Harry who had just been looking at the board in contemplation glanced up at the stare, eyebrows raised in question. When Severus offered nothing in response he glanced back down chewing his lip in thought.

It wasn't power Harry was attracted to it, it was his voice! Severus panicked in his shock. It was him speaking to the boy that gave him that look of longing, but why? Severus was a grumpy old bastard that still snapped at the boy and still treated him unfairly. What was going on with Harry? Had that hug he gave him given something away?

The boy reached out a tanned hand about to move his castle, when he suddenly lurched forward in pain, his head hitting the chess board.

Severus stood concerned when the searing pain in his arm came. The Dark Lord. But what had affected Potter? Ignoring the agony in his arm, he lifted the boy from the table to assess what was wrong and recoiled slightly from the boy. His scar was a furious red and weeping blood very slowly. Harry was affected by summoning? Severus had heard from Dumbledore that the two were linked by the scar but the Dark Lord could actually inflict pain?

Severus growled in frustration. He had to go he was being called but he couldn't leave Harry here in agony and bleeding. He grabbed a cloth and made the boy hold it to his head, before herding him towards the door. "Potter I have to go. We will continue this later." Ignoring the boy's protests he pushed him out the door and left through his secret passage towards the grounds.

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It seemed the Death Eaters meeting was in a graveyard again. A favourite location for the Dark Lord. It was late out and usually the meetings did not last long, but Severus found the location a little unsettling. The graves were old and crumbling hiding sinister Death Eaters. The sky was moonless and star free, as if ashamed to shed any light upon this meeting.

Severus placed his mask on and took up his place within the circle. He hoped it would be a very short meeting. Now so much more was in stake, he had to hide the fact he was a spy and now that he was actively helping Harry Potter. He felt sick to his stomach. Today could be the death of him, if he did not control his thoughts, and with his current revelation it would be difficult.

The Dark Lord stood at the head of the circle and gazed coldly at his subjects, his pale skin glowing with malice. "Loyal Death Eaters, we stand at the pinnacle of our power. The world is weak and ripe for the taking. The Muggle world fears us. The Wizarding world fears us and the old fool Dumbledore fears us. Never before have we had such a claim on the world. The minister refuses my existence and Harry Potter is alone in his fight against me."

Severus felt his heart beat increase at Harry's name, and the Dark Lords crimson eyes flashed toward him briefly. Severus forced himself to look excited and it satisfied his Lord. Goosebumps rose on his pale flesh from the cold surrounding him, it was always colder when the Lord appeared.

"Harry Potter is just one boy standing against an army of Death Eaters. His mentor Dumbledore will be dead by the end of the school year. One way or another." The snake eyes flashed toward Severus again. So the Dark Lord knew about his unbreakable vow. "Who else stands with this pathetic man child? A Mudblood and a weak wizard. We have nothing to fear my Death Eaters, we must be patient but we shall continue to strike fear into the hearts of our opponents. Harry Potter suffers from his link from me. I may not be able to access his dreams or his thoughts anymore but through our link I still cause him great pain."

The Death Eaters laughed in glee. Severus forced his hands not to clench in anger. Just how long had Harry been in pain, and just how bad was it? He had sworn never to let anyone harm Harry yet here stood a man who could cause pain whenever he wished. The man who killed his Lily, now the man who was hurting Harry. Someone that was in his own way just as important as his mother.

"Pain will make his life a living Hell, a small taste of what is to come." Voldemort looked around his minions seizing them up. "I have a plan to strike at the heart of the Wizarding world. To make them all fear the great Lord Voldemort."

The Death Eaters waited. None were stupid enough to speak whilst their Lord was speaking. No one had a death wish.

Voldemort smiled pleased at their respect. "Now is not the time to tell you of such a plan, but when I next summon you prepare for an attack."

Severus felt a chill run though his body. The Lord must have suspected one of them was a spy if he was not going to reveal where the attack was going to take place. Severus couldn't even tell the Order where to set up to defend.

"It seems that this is all I ask of you now. There are no traitors or Muggles present to torture. Perhaps at our next meeting a few of you could bring one to torture before our attack?" Voldemort vanished into thin air an indication that the meeting was over.

A few Death Eaters stayed behind discussing Muggle hunting but many left just as quickly as they came, Severus being one of them. A few members indicated they wanted to speak to him but Severus just wanted to escape the place of death.

Landing back into Hogwarts grounds, he looked at the castle at how strong it appeared. He hoped it was as sturdy as it appeared. He had to report to Dumbledore right away as ordered but he was concerned about Harry. Walking back up the castle slowly he thought on Harry just before he left. His scar had been swollen and bleeding and the pain had almost made the boy faint. Dumbledore had not told them about the agony Harry must feel whenever Voldemort felt like it. It made Severus want to attack someone.

How had he not seen the boy had been suffering, and now he was guilty about just shoving him out the door when he had to go? Had Harry made it to Gryffindor Tower? Severus felt himself hurrying.

How was it he knew such trivial things about the boy but nothing that really mattered? That his hair tended to be messier if he had been up late, how he didn't like people to close to him. But he didn't see the important things such as Voldemort causing him pain. He couldn't recall a time when Harry's scar had been red raw or bleeding. He had seen the boy's eyes red and swollen from lack of sleep, and his pale complexion. But nothing like he had seen tonight.

Just what kind of a protector was he? He had completely failed once again.

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Harry lay on his bed; a damp flannel on his scar covered his eyes. The burning had stopped but it throbbed preventing sleep. It was quiet in his dorm only interrupted by sounds of gentle snoring. It was peaceful.

The sound of his curtains opening made him jump in shock and sit up reaching for his wand. A rough hand pushed him back and pulled the cloth from his eyes. It was Snape. Harry pushed himself as far back as he could on his bed. What was Snape doing?

"Professor?" Harry hissed as quietly as he could.

Snape sent him a death glare and Harry shut up. Snape shut the curtains and issued a very strong silencing charm, Harry could feel the powerful magic expand to fit both Snape and himself within its bubble.

"Why didn't you tell me your scar could cause you pain?" Snape snapped at him.

"This is slightly inappropriate." Harry started babbling, the angry stare he was receiving from Snape was making him uncomfortable. He lit the end of his wand to see Snape better.

His hair was not its usual immaculate state, it was dishevelled wisps flying around his face and he looked exhausted. Snape had clearly come all the way to the tower after a Death Eater meeting and then ran practically into his bed, just to ask him that? Could it not have waited till morning? Snape had plenty of time to torment him then.

"I don't give a damn if it's appropriate or not why didn't you tell me!" Snape shouted at him, his eyes burning with intensity.

"Why the Hell would I have told you?" Harry shouted back. It was late, he was tired and it felt like his head had been split open.

"Because I thought you trusted me!" Snape spat looking at him enraged.

Harry was confused. Just why was Snape so mad at him?

Snape exhaled loudly and looked up at his hangings above the bed. "I'm sorry." The man whispered. "Its not you I'm angry with, I'm angry at myself."

Harry relaxed. "You weren't to know."

"But I should have seen it. Every time the Dark Lord summoned me you were in pain and I never saw it." Severus sat on his legs and faced Harry looking at him intently. "Let me see it." Snape commanded and Harry felt himself oblige moving closer to him. Snape lit his wand and placed it on the bed next to Harry's own.

Gently Snape grasped his chin and moved his head up for inspection. His dark eyes were full of concern and anger as he looked at it.

His eyes suddenly gazed into Harry's own questioning him, assessing how much Harry trusted him. He swallowed and nodded letting Snapes other hand come up and feel his forehead with his long cool fingers. "How often does this happen?" Snape asked him softly.

"Depends. On what mood Voldemort is in. Sometimes loads, sometimes only once a week." Harry whispered.

"You should have told someone. I have brought a salve to ease the affects and I will make a potion to help you deal with the Dark Lords attacks." Snape let his fingers fall but still retained his grasp on Harry's chin.

"I didn't think anyone would care. Everyone knows Voldemort can access my dreams and thoughts." Harry answered gazing into those deep eyes.

"I care Harry." Snape told him staring straight back.

Neither moved both unsure what to do and unsure what was happening. The tension between them grew thick. Eventually Snape moved first leaning towards Harry, applying more pressure on Harry's chin causing him to lift his head more, brining his mouth closer to Snapes own. Harry was seized by a sudden panic and briefly thought about pulling away, but he couldn't he was too mesmerised by what was happening.

Inching forward Harry felt their noses touch and knew just what was going to happen next.

A loud snore came from the bed next to his and the spell was shattered causing the pair of them to jump apart. Snape let go of his chin and his hands fell into his lap. Neither moved for a few minutes and bravely Harry extended a hand to Snape. Snape roughly pulled away and reached into this pocket dropping the salve on the bed between them.

Then without so much as a goodbye, Snape left.

TBC


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

_Hey just a quick thank you to my reviewers, especially to the special few who review every chapter. It really does make chapters go up faster, praise makes those fingers work._

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Severus raged around his classroom smashing bottles and slamming his fists on desks. He wasn't far off a Hippogriff who had been severely insulted. Once his anger had dissipated he slumped down to meet with the stone floor. What was he doing? He had nearly kissed the boy. That surely had to cross the boundaries between student and teacher; Dumbledore could fling him to the Dark Lord for sport, and be justified in doing so.

He raked his nails through his hair. But Merlin he had wanted to. Seeing the boy in his over sized pyjamas looking up at him with his huge jade eyes, made him look so vulnerable. Trusting Severus so near him, letting him hold his face. Harry had not resisted when Severus moved closer, he in turn had leant toward Severus seeking him out as well, and then that damn boy had snored!

If that had not happened…well Severus didn't know what would have happened. He would have kissed Harry bloody Potter. Potter the bane of his existence. The son of James an arrogant prick who made his life Hell. But also the son of Lily his first love. They said that your first love was the most intense, yet his feelings for Harry…well they terrified Severus.

He wanted to look after the boy. To assure no harm came to him, physically or mentally. This was ironic because he himself caused most of the boy's mental anguish.

After the awkward snore Harry had reached out to him, to reassure him and Severus just ran. He didn't want to let someone close to him, he didn't know how to. The last person he had loved, she had ended up dead.

But Harry had shown some interest in return which had never happened. He had known Lily would never have chased him, or wanted a relationship with him, and here was a man who Severus could now admit he had feeling towards and it seemed Harry was not against it.

So why did it make Severus so damn scared? Was he so self loathing that the idea someone could have romantic feelings toward him petrified him? He was outwardly confident yes but inside, he doubted himself and knew no one could accept his past. How could they? He was a murderer.

He had Harry would need to have a talk about what was happening. But at the moment that was not a talk Severus could face. He didn't want to be rejected again. Neither did he know just what to do with Harry.

But for the moment Severus had lessons in the morning and a meeting with Dumbledore to inform him off the attack. That was more important then what was going on now.

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Harry was going to fake illness for the entire week. However luck had smiled upon him and he actually come down with a horrific cold due to the rain, and he was milking it for all it was worth. The school nurse had wanted him in the hospital wing to keep an eye on him but Harry had begged to be allowed in the tower under the condition Hermione would keep him up to date with his work, and he would eat all his meals and take all his potions.

He couldn't face seeing Snape at all. Now he was sure the man was aware of these damn feelings he had, but why had Snape tried to kiss him? Harry had replayed the scene over and over in his head and one thing had been crystal clear every time. Snape was staring into his eyes whilst he moved. The same bloody eyes he shared with his Mother.

That had been the reason Harry was sure of it. Snape had been caught up in looking into Lily's eyes and reacted accordingly. This made Harry feel rubbish, sulky and unwilling to leave the tower. Screw it he had never taken time off before for being ill, he was allowed to play hooky once in his life.

A part of him though, no matter how painful it was wished he could still be seeing him.

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The blasted brat was ill with a cold in the tower. Everyone had been telling him that but he knew the truth. Harry Potter was in hiding. Through shame or embarrassment Severus did not know, but he was not happy about it.

The week had dragged and many students had been in tears under his watch. The Weasley boy had so many detentions and points taken from him that it had made Severus feel slightly better. It was only now that he was going to see Dumbledore about that meeting a week ago, the headmaster had been absent from school just like Harry.

The two were not linked Severus had heard Granger voice her concerns to Weasley so Severus knew Harry was within the castle. Maybe the boy really was sick, he had been in the rain for a long period, and he had not been eating prior to that. Maybe Severus was making mountains out of mole hills after all.

Waiting for the gargoyle to move out of his way Severus concentrated on hiding his thoughts and emotions. Voldemort was not the only one who tried reading his mind, and no one was getting this information out of Severus. Letting himself into the office he was taken aback by how old and haggard Dumbledore looked. That blasted ring was making him sick he was sure of it.

Oh Severus knew about the Horcrux's. He didn't know where they all were but he knew that was what Dumbledore was after. It seemed everyone was trying to make this war as easy for Harry as it could be. No one wanted the fate of the world on the boy's shoulders.

"You did not tell me Potter could feel pain from the Dark Lord." Severus hissed at him.

Dumbledore looked up tiredly. "The sooner Tom is destroyed the sooner Harry will be able to live his own life. There is nothing I can do to stop the pain. It took a lot of my magic to sever the link between their thoughts. I thought to ask you for a potions but you would have refused I thought."

Severus swung his robe in anger. "I would not have refused a child in pain Albus! What kind of person do you take me for?"

"Apologies. If you would be so kind to look into some sort of pain reducing potion for Harry I would be most grateful. How is training progressing?" Dumbledore indicated the seat in front of him.

"He is very strong. Magically, physically he could do some work. But his magic seems unlimited. He is not the best strategist and he is very reluctant to kill." Severus glared at the phoenix on the desk like it was solely to blame.

"His magic will mature in age, I fear he does not realise how strong he is. Probably for the best though. Physically he is undernourished for his age and I think it has stunted his height, but he has strength in other aspects. His agility is amazing, that is why he is one of our best Seekers. In terms of his mind planning out battle plans do not fear for I have planned out the final battle and have left clues for Harry and his friends to follow, he will succeed Severus. He will kill Tom."

"The Dark Lord plans an attack. I do not know where or when, only that I will be summoned when it is time. As the meeting only lasted a handful of minutes I think he suspects someone."

Dumbledore nodded. "I will alert the Order, but I think it's wise to post more teachers for the Hogsmead visit. It seems a logical place that Tom will strike."

"If that is all Headmaster I will be leaving now." Severus stood and strode toward the door.

"Just a moment Severus." Dumbledore barked angrily. This was it he was fired, the Dark Lord was going to feed him to his snake. Severus held onto his emotions and turned slowly, shielding his thoughts. "You above all deserve to be happy. Don't let self loathing get in your way." Dumbledore told him cryptically before indicating he could leave.

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Ah the blessed weekend. Harry stood in the courtyard with his friends waiting to be led to Hogsmead. It wasn't snowing quite yet but his hands were jammed into his pockets and his scarf wound securely around his throat. Ron and Hermione were wrapped around each other for warmth and Ginny was standing very close to Harry.

He had managed to give himself a week to think but he hadn't come up with anything, except that he couldn't stay in hiding. His cold was well and truly gone and unless he did something drastic to get ill again Harry could not see himself having anymore time off school.

Filch was checking everyone's names off a list and it hadn't got past Harry that there were more teachers then usual going with them. Snape wasn't with them thank Merlin. He just wanted to have a butterbeer with his friends in the warmth and for once just forget the world around him.

The crowds suddenly surged forwards across the frosty ground and Ginny grabbed his arm for stability. He looked down at her in surprise but she just smiled up at him, her cheeks rosy from the cold. Letting it drop he walked slowly with her down to the town letting her chat wash over him. Nope her voice wasn't like Snapes at all, which was disappointing. He was hoping he could find someone else with a voice like his. After the man had ran off Harry wasn't so sure that he would be spoken to again.

He looked at the trees either side of the path. They had long since lost their leaves and looked barren and stark against the landscape. It would snow soon which meant Christmas wasn't far away. How things had changed in just a few short months. But he was getting ahead of himself he still had Halloween to go.

The town was on the horizon and he slowed letting Ron and Hermione catch up. "Was there anything in particular you wanted to do today?" Harry directed at everyone.

"I was thinking about Christmas shopping but it feels a little bit early." Hermione looked at Ron.

"A trip to Honeydukes was all I wanted. A few of the guys are going to the Three Broomsticks for a drink." Ron offered.

Ginny stayed quiet. "Well the pub sounds like a good idea, it's a bit to cold to be walking around outside. Meet you there?" Harry questioned Ron.

"Deal see you in a bit." Ron grasped Hermione's hand pulling her firmly away from the book shop.

"Those two are cute together." Ginny commented thoughtfully watching them.

Harry offered his arm to escort her to the pub. "That they are. Come on I'll buy you a drink."

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Severus was watching Harry from the castle as he left for Hogsmead; the boy was a bit pale so maybe he had been sick after all. Harry seemed to be keeping an eye out for someone until that Weasley chit attached herself to his arm. Severus knew it was jealously he felt but she was a lot younger then him, so he wasn't going to let it bother him. Harry had not been adverse to his advances so Weasley was nothing to worry about.

Unless Harry had been ill that night and feverish therefore not certain about what he was doing. No he had consented Severus was sure. Dumbledore was right he had to stop doubting himself.

He left his obsession behind and turned back to his potion he was trying to concoct. It was a simple pain relief potion but Severus thought he might be able to add some ingredients to make it more effective and more suited to Harry's needs. Something similar to the Cruciatus curse relief potion but not as potent.

Looking at it intently and noting its subtle colour changes he went to write in his journal when his arm seized in pain and he dropped his quill and spilt his ink in the process. He was being summoned. Severus stared out the window in barely suppressed horror. The attack was going to be at Hogsmead. That's where Harry was.

He didn't have time to run to Dumbledore so he sent his Patronus with the simple message "Hogsmead".

Standing within the graveyard from before he looked around at the other Death Eaters and a few had indeed brought some Muggle torture victims. The Dark Lord appeared before them, excitement flowing off him in waves. "Leave the Muggles for now, we must attack now. Time is of the essence. We attack Hogsmead but be warned if anyone tries to kill Potter except me, we will torture you along side these Muggles." Raising his hand he shackled the victims in place.

"Attack his friends but not Potter directly. I do not desire him dead yet, but I wish him to suffer greatly. He shall die in increments before I grant him mercy."

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Harry watched Dean attempt to woo Ginny with mirth. He and Seamus sat together both holding in their giggles as Dean made a complete arse of himself. Ginny was clearly not interested and was trying to keep her temper in check.

"Space for me?" A whispered voice interrupted the fun. Luna stood drink in hand gazing dreamily at Harry.

"Of course Luna." He pushed Seamus over with his hip and allowed the Ravenclaw to sit.

"How've you been?" Harry asked taking a swig of his drink.

"Fine thank you Harry. Missing my father but I will see him soon." Luna pinned him under her silver eyes studying him intently. "You're in love."

Harry choked on his drink, bubbles going up his nose. Everyone turned to look at him. He laughed at himself and waved it off as stupidity. When they resumed their own conversations Harry glared at Luna.

"You can't just say things like that. Especially when they aren't true Luna." Harry scowled at her.

"Your actions have just proved me right Harry." She smiled softly at him. "It will be hard, but it will make you happy. I'm not worried." Luna looked up and saw some other Ravenclaws enter and floated off to join them.

"That girl always freaks me out." Seamus whispered to him.

Harry gazed after her confused. "Luna had a way of seeing things that's others don't." Harry understood why people found her weird but to him Luna was as close to him as Ginny was. She had comforted him after Sirius had died and Harry knew he could count on her. She didn't have many friends and was an outsider a bit like himself; she had also been there at the ministry attack. Harry recalled she was also at Slughorn's party, next time he should make more effort to include her.

Terrified screams whipped across his thoughts and he leapt to his feet as Ron and Hermione burst in wands raised. "Death Eaters!" Hermione breathlessly gasped at him. The customers around them started screaming and tried to flee.

Harry had a split second to decide if he should hide or fight. He could hear the sounds of battle outside as the teachers fought them off. There were a few DA members with him. Hermione, Ron, Dean, Seamus, Ginny and of course Luna. They were all looking at him as if he was going to led them into battle. "I'm going out to fight, but I'm not going to force anyone to come with me."

They all continued staring as if he had said something stupid. "Harry this is why we joined the DA, for moments like this." Seamus told him with his Irish lilt.

Harry stared around him, touched they were all willing to fight. "Alright. Come on then! He shouted leading the way with his fellow members at his back. Was it still Dumbledore's army or was it now Harry's army?

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Severus was keeping one eye out for Harry as he followed the Death Eater attack. None of his attacks were fatal and he tended to miss more witches and wizards then he hit. What could he say his aim was always off. Dumbledore had gotten his message and a few Order Members had turned up but Severus was horrified to see it was Harry's friends that were launching the defence battle against people much older and stronger then them.

Voldemort was not in the thick of battle and Severus knew he was seeking out Harry Potter. Severus hoped the boy had enough sense to hide somewhere. Severus followed the Dark Lord at a distance. He would save the boy by sacrificing himself if he had to. Severus recognized Lovegood and Thomas fighting side by side, and he was surprised. They were using skills that hadn't been taught to students of that age yet.

Ah of course that stupid Army Harry had thought of last year where he trained students in defence. That meant the boy was around here somewhere fighting himself. Severus avoided a curse a flung a low level one back, not enough to maim but enough to warn.

Screaming echoed in his ears and Severus felt his blood turn to ice. Looking about he could not locate Voldemort and immediately thought the worse. Pushing people out of the way he sprinted toward the sound ready to fling himself in harms way.

Voldemort stood not more then a few metres away from Harry but he currently did not have his wand on the boy. Harry was on his knees in agony, his scar weeping blood the veins bulging near it. Weasley and Granger stood gallantly in front of him about to give their lives to shield Harry.

The snake like laughter echoed around the clearing. "Little Mudblood what do you think you can achieve here?"

Severus felt his blood boil. Oh how he hated that word. He raised his wand about to attack Voldemort to allow Harry and his friend's time to escape, when the boy stood and pushed his friends out the way. Severus was proud the boy was clearly in agony yet he stood tall, even with blood trickling into his eyes.

Another Death Eater came to stand next to him followed by another forming a slow ring around them. Where were the Order Members? Severus could see no one. A lump of disgust settled in his belly. Grown adults were hiding and were about to let three teenage wizards take on the greatest threat the world had ever known.

His legs twitched eager to run and grab the students and apparate away from here. But Harry threw the first curse and it caught Voldemort which surprised just about everyone there.

"Mudblood is rich coming from a half blood such as yourself Tom." Harry shouted shocking quite a few Death Eaters. Voldemort a half blood? It couldn't be true.

Voldemort raised his wand seething in anger. "I can call her anything I wish little boy. I would make them leave before they die in vain just like your mother."

"It wasn't in vain she loved me! Something a heartless bastard like you will never understand." Harry screamed his temper getting the better of him.

The Dark Lord chuckled but no one else followed suit. Severus could feel the magic in the air as the two powerful Wizards faced off. The Death Eaters looked at each other uncomfortably. This battle would get very ugly.

"She died for nothing. Just like your friends will. One by one they will fall leaving you alone. I will kill everyone you hold dear Potter I promise you this." Voldemort gazed coldly at Granger. "But first a little torture for you. It seems your scar is not causing you enough pain. Crucio" He flung causally at Harry.

It never hit his intended target as Weasley pushed Harry out of the way and took the brunt of the attack.

"TOM!" Dumbledore roared angrily.

Voldemort called it off and Severus could not see from here if the boy was dead or not. A few Death Eaters fled in fear from Dumbledore but most held the ranks.

"Ah it seems your saviour has come young Potter. Fear not, next time I will kill the Mudblood she might actually scream when she dies." Harry flung his wand at the floor and charged at Voldemort, but he was met with hard ground as the Dark Lord and his followers left. Severus remained behind, he knew his Lord would expect him to stay to appear loyal to Dumbledore.

Severus threw off his mask and ran to Harry making sure he was alright. Harry pushed him away and crawled to Weasley just as Dumbledore got there. Granger was sobbing as she flung herself into Harry's lap. "Headmaster is he?" Harry croaked, looking on the verge of tears himself.

"No Harry, Ron is not dead. But he is very wounded. The first time you're under attack from the Cruciatus is always the worse, and Tom is a master of it. I need to get him back to school but rest assured he will recover." Dumbledore scooped Weasley up sharing a look with Severus. Both adult Wizards knew Voldemort had intended to kill Ron and had only not succeeded because Dumbledore came upon the scene.

Granger pulled Harry to his feet and they both stood a little wobbly. Harry wiped his hand over his scar smearing blood across his forehead. Granger pulled Harry's arm over her shoulder and they began the slow walk back. Severus a few paces behind them.

So Voldemort was going to try and kill everyone close to Harry. That was a large amount of deaths. Severus moved forward as Harry stumbled in pain steadying him. He received a nod in thanks but he boy carried on. A few meters later he actually fell to the ground dragging Granger with him.

Severus shook his head. This was ridiculous the boy has in agony from his scar and to weak to walk. He moved Granger aside gently and picked up the boy who had now fainted in pain. Granger smiled her thanks looks anxiously at Harry before going to look at her Weasel boyfriend.

Harry was small and vulnerable in his arms Severus thought as he walked slowly forward, mindful of the ice on the floor. He was having to deal with so much, he couldn't deal with Severus's feelings as well. Beside a relationship between them would just give Harry someone else to worry about.

He couldn't do that to him. Not matter how much it hurt Severus.

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Severus had left the students in the Hospital wing and Harry was firm in his decision to stay with Weasley. Severus had found himself surprised that Weasley had leapt in the way of the Cruciatus curse and more surprised he hadn't sustained more injuries. It seemed Dumbledore must have distracted Voldemort more then he thought.

He was interrupted in his thoughts by a slow tapping on his door. A tempus spell revealed it was just after two in the morning, so Severus thought it might have been Dumbledore. When he opened the door he saw his shocked reflection shining in those damn green eyes.

"I thought you were given a potion to calm you and make you sleep." Severus inquired moving aside to let Harry in.

"I was But Hermione needed it more. She's his girlfriend after all. I didn't want to sleep after everything that has happened today." Harry sat down on a stool. "Why are you always in your classroom? You must have quarters that are warmer then this?" Harry looked in a jar on the shelf, running his finger over the condensation.

(Because I know you can always find me here.) Severus thought to himself. "I quite often find myself doing work late into the night." Severus whispered coming to stand behind Harry.

"I thought he had killed him." Harry growled clenching his fists.

Severus remained quiet letting Harry have his outburst.

"Why attack Ron? He's already killed my parents and my Godfather, what's he doing picking off everyone close to me?"

"Yes." Severus answered simply. There was no use in lying to the boy. It did seem Voldemort's plan was to cut off everyone from Harry.

"What am I supposed to do? Should I be pushing away Ron and Hermione because he might come after them? They aren't the only ones. Ginny, Luna heck most of the guys in my dorm are important to me. If I push everyone away I'll be left all alone just like…"

"Me." Severus finished for him.

Harry tilted his head up looking at Severus standing behind him. "Is that why you have no friends?"

"I don't see how that is any of your business Potter."

"Just stop it Snape." Harry swung around angrily to face him straight on. "You're afraid after my Mother to let anyone close to you."

That was partly it, but it was also because Severus didn't know how to sustain friendships. But he wasn't going to discuss this with Harry or anyone. "Potter I understand your outburst because your best friend had just been attacked by the Dark Lord, but I will not tolerate you speaking to me with such disrespect again."

Harry stood dumbfounded looking at him. "After the other night you still stand there and acting like a teacher? Just stop it alright!" Harry took a step closer. "You stopped being a teacher a while ago so just drop the charade!"

"No charade Potter you are a student and I am a Professor. Whatever you think happened the other night I can assure you will not happen again. I have no interest in males let alone one such as young as you." Severus moved forward menacingly ignoring Harry's hurt face. They were in too much danger from Voldemort this had to stop now.

"I see." Harry shook off his hurt and stood tall, looking Severus straight in the eye, and Severus was proud of him. "I apologize Professor, for thinking you gave a damn." Harry walked around him. He stopped just before the door. "Next time I see Voldemort I will kill him. With or without your help."

The second time you let your love walk away from you, it didn't hurt any less then the first.

Severus sat on the desk his hands shaking. It was for the best, he would only bring Harry more trouble. He wasn't worth the effort of the valiant young man. Just like he hadn't been worth Lily's attention either.

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Harry wouldn't cry he wouldn't allow Snape the satisfaction. He stormed through the corridors not caring where he was going, it was late no one was going to catch him and he couldn't care less anymore.

What had happened with Snape? Harry had been sure the man wanted to kiss him? What had changed in the last week? Voldemort had attacked Ron and that had been it. Maybe Snape was only seeing his Mother after all. No that couldn't have been it; Harry had seen the hurt in Snapes eyes when he told him that there was no interest. Snape was lying he was sure of it.

But why?

Harry punched the wall in anger then swore because it hurt. He looked back down the corridor, eerie and silent. It was Voldemort. Harry thought in a moment of clarity. Snape didn't want him getting close because of Volde fucking Mort, because all that bastard did was kill the people around him. Snape was trying to look after him.

He felt his feet move taking him back down to the dungeons. The man was pushing aside his feelings in order to protect him. After a few seconds Harry felt himself jogging down to the classroom, his busted hand hitting his side limply.

When he reached the door he didn't bother knocking he simply kicked it open with his foot, and there he saw for the first time in his life the real Severus Snape. Who sat on the desk looking like his world had crumbled around him. His eyes were shiny with unshed tears intensifying the darkness of his irises.

Harry slammed the door behind him and strode up to Snape in a few short strides.

"Harry what are you doing?" Snape asked brokenly.

"Just for once shut up." Harry told him and knelt before him so he was between Snapes legs. Now they were the right height Harry grabbed Snapes face in both his hands. Then whilst looking into his Potions Professors eyes he pushed his lips to Snapes.

TBC

_Please review and it might spur me on to have a new chapter done by the end of the week. _


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

_Another chapter for you all to enjoy, Reviews and advice are always welcome._

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Severus sat motionless with shock as Harry placed his young supple lips against his own thin ones. He had never been kissed before and it felt exquisite. Warm calloused hands held his pale face infusing him with warmth. After a few moments Harry stopped and pulled away, a blush evident on his face.

"I'm sorry Professor." Harry got up to leave but Severus caught him by the wrist and stood, pulling Harry flush against his chest. The boy looked up nervously, a thin layer of sweat covering his skin.

"Severus." Was all he gave in the way of explanation before he stole another kiss. Severus's hand snaked behind the back of Harry's head, his fingers embedding themselves within the raven strands. Harry's own hands came to rest on his chest lightly as his mouth was fully explored.

He didn't have any experience this being his first kiss, but Severus made up for it in enthusiasm. His tongue stroked Harry's lips begging them to part, which the boy allowed whilst uttering a small moan. He plundered Harry's mouth, mapping it out slowly with his tongue. Harry surrendered completely to his ministrations which encouraged Severus even more.

Moving them backwards Harry's back came up against a wall and he gasped painfully breaking the kiss. Severus growled low in his throat in longing and engaged Harry once again. He may not have had experience, but Severus was letting sensations guide his way, and right now he felt damn good.

He pinned the boy's wrists to the wall above his head with one hand. His larger hand easily encompassed Harry's smaller ones. It seemed he was doing well as Harry arched from the wall wantonly. Kissing him once again, he let his fingers dance over the skin of Harry's throat, letting his fingertips linger on his collar bone. Before long Severus broke the kiss and replaced his fingers with his mouth gently lapping at the skin at the hollow of his throat.

Harry whimpered moving his head, and straining at his restraints. It seemed Harry liked to be dominated which suited Severus just fine. He wanted to dominate the powerful boy, to make him his.

But now was not the time.

Leaving a soft kiss upon Harry's swollen lips Severus stopped, resting his forehead against the boys. "Why were you apologising?" He whispered huskily.

"You didn't respond I thought I had done something wrong." Harry said quietly. "I don't have much experience in kissing."

Severus moved his hand so it was wrapped against Harry's wrist once again, and pulled him to sit down. In the awkward silence that followed both studied the other.

"How long?" Severus shattered the silence.

Harry's eyes darted about uncomfortably before they settled on a spot near Severus's shoes. "I honestly don't know. I'm not even sure what's happening. All I know is that I miss you when I'm not with you."

Severus almost smiled. "Why me?"

"Why me?" Harry challenged back.

"I asked you first Potter answer me please." Severus sighed as Harry glared at him. "Harry then."

Harry hit his knees his frustration and stood. Then he began pacing the room. "I don't know it's all so confusing. You're the first person to see me for who I really was, who weren't my friends. You've always been there looking after me. You never hyped up my fame, or got scared when things got rough, you may have been a snarky bastard but there's just something about you." Harry turned to him passionately. "I hated you I really did, but the other night when I was upset it was you I came to first. That had to mean something."

"Harry sit down."

"Don't push me away Sir. I know I'm young and inexperienced, but I do feel something towards you. I trust you, you're the person I lean on, and I'm just sorry it took me so long to see it."

"Harry we have just been engaged in kissing, call me Severus. Sir makes me feel like your master." Severus leant forward, waiting till the boy caught his eye. "I'm sure you're aware that this against school rules and…"

"I don't care I'm not going to be here much longer!" Harry interrupted.

"Let me finish. I meant this will have to be dealt with gently. I'm not pushing you away Harry." Severus paused in thought. "I'm afraid I will cause you more mental anguish then you can handle. Things cannot change in public; I will continue to be a bastard to you. It's my job."

Severus waited for the outburst of tears, the annoyed ranting of Harry Potter but he was met with silence.

"I understand." Harry said simply.

He was surprised by Harry's simple statement, and wondered could he really open up and be honest with the boy? Could he lay his soul open to this person?

Possibly but it would have to be slowly.

"Harry I've done other things in my past, things I believe will shock and make you cower in fear. I'm not a very nice person most of the time."

Harry reached across and grasped his hand gently. "I know Severus."

"No Harry you don't." Severus shook away the hand in anger. "I've murdered people; I'm tempted by Dark Magic. There are things in my past that you can't possibly understand. I was in love with your Mother for Merlin's sake."

His hand was caught again firmer this time. "Severus I know you were a Death Eater, I know you like Dark Magic. But you came into the light eventually; it takes a lot to stay on both sides to help out Dumbledore. Takes a different type of courage but courage none the less." Harry shook his hand slightly to make him look up.

Severus was confronted by understanding in the young man. "I know you loved Mum, but as you said past tense. I just hope that's not going to stop you from pursing me." Harry said cheekily.

"What makes you think I will be pursing you?" Severus asked.

"Of course you will. You've already started."

Severus squeezed the hand within his own. "Seems I have. Just don't expect things to move fast Harry. We both have to be very careful if this is something we wish to continue." Severus allowed himself to smile slightly. "I suggest you take a few weeks to think this through, it adds more strain to your life. I do not wish to be the cause of that."

"I agree it will be difficult on us both. I'll think it over if that's what you want, but I better be going to bed its been a long day." Harry released his hand and stood stretching. He looked at Severus in thought and quickly gave him a kiss. "Just in case you forget about me."

"I won't." Severus said softly and he was rewarded with a smile before Harry left. Severus yawned he was tired to but he had to think about this current development. They had kissed and Harry seemed to understand him, more then he thought he would. Harry was wasted as a Gryffindor he should have been a Slytherin he seemed to understand their courage.

He left the Potions class room and retired to his quarters. His living room was a mess and he looked at it in despair. Books were everywhere. It was to distracting to think in here. He stripped his clothes and left them on the back of the sofa before entering his room.

It was warm and secure and above all a place where he felt safe. No one had seen his quarters and he was a little reluctant to let Harry see them. It was an aspect of himself that no one saw. His feet flexed leisurely in the plush blue carpet as he walked to his bed. This was also blue, just because he was a Slytherin didn't mean he had to like green in everything. Blue was a much more thoughtful colour, if that made any sense but Severus was getting off the subject.

The kissing with Harry had been sensational Severus had not known kissing could be like that. He had seen other people kissing but always found it a bit uncomfortable to watch. He couldn't think of anything worse then letting someone invade your mouth but if it was Harry Potter, Severus could accept that.

Severus had not every had anyone want him why would they? He was as pale as the underbelly of a snake. He was the person no one trusted who everyone regarded with suspicion But Harry had seen past that. Harry knew who he really was and he accepted it. It was more then Severus could ever dream off.

Something inside him felt very odd. It was like a fountain of bubbles rising inside him and it took all his will to suppress them. Finding someone important to him and they in turn found him important was more happiness then he could contain and therein lay the problem.

Harry could destroy him if he so desired.

That was terrifying. Harry could break his heart and destroy his soul in the process, but if he did not take this chance at happiness would his heart not break of loneliness anyway? Yes Voldemort would kill him if found out, and it was against the school rules, but after everything he had been through did he not deserve this chance of happiness? No matter how scary it was?

Severus climbed into his bed trying to get comfortable. The answer was yes of course. For once Severus was going to get what HE wanted out of life. Consequences be damned.

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For the first time in his life Harry wanted to kill Voldemort. Watching Ron wake up and seeing Hermione so happy made Harry decide that he needed killing, and he was the only one who could do it.

That had been a two weeks ago and Harry was sure everyone saw the change in him. He was no longer tardy, nor did he joke as much. Harry was on a mission. To kill Voldemort as soon as he could.

He had not been able to see Severus in a long time, mainly because most evenings he was in the room of requirement honing his physical skills. A strong body equalled strong Magic Severus had told him. He had been eating as requested and been thinking on the possibility of a relationship as also requested. Nothing had changed within his mind he still wanted to be with Severus, even though it sounded daft. Just how was it you could fall in love with someone you hated? Just what was love anyway?

Harry refused to dwell on it, as he pummelled his punching bag. It was a distraction at the moment and he didn't need a distraction. He needed to be stronger; he needed to win, to protect everyone around him.

The door to the room of requirement swung open and within it stood Ron. Harry stopped punching out his anger and turned to face his friend. "You sure you shouldn't be resting?" Harry inquired checking his friend over for injuries.

"Careful you're turning into Hermione. Harry the attack was a few weeks ago I'm fine. However you are not." Ron came to stand beside him.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Harry snapped, turning back to the punching bag.

"You're not acting normal Harry. Just stop it and listen to me a moment. I know your upset I got hurt by You Know Who, but you acting like this isn't going to change it." Ron shouted, forcing Harry to look at him.

"I have to be stronger Ron, I need to defeat him. What if you had died, what if Hermione had?" Harry pleaded with Ron to understand.

"I know Harry but I didn't and Hermione is fine. You don't need to throw yourself into a frenzy because you're feeling guilty. You are allowed to have fun once in a while. Or has You Know Who destroyed that as well?"

Harry sat on the floor sadly. "I thought if I got stronger I could protect you all."

"I know what you thought, but Harry you're cutting yourself off from everyone. Me and Hermione we might not be the destined child like you are, but I don't see You Know Who having loyal friends around him. That's where your strength lies. Not in these puny things you call muscles." Ron grabbed his arm playfully.

"Hey they're huge thank you." Harry flexed his arm.

"Uh huh if you say so. Come on Harry get back to normal, it's the Halloween ball soon, come and enjoy your life, while it's still relatively safe. I know some girls that will kill to have the great Harry Potter escort them to the Halloween ball."

"Since when are we having a ball and not a feast?" Harry groaned. He hated parties where he had to invite a girl. After last years fiasco.

"Well if you had been paying attention you might have learnt that's what we are doing this year. Come one lets go down the kitchens I'm starving and Hermione never watches me eat Ice cream."

"And I will?" Harry took the offered hand and allowed himself to be pulled up.

"No, you like the mate you are will join me." Ron told him laughing.

"Oh of course. Ron?" Harry paused. "Sorry for being a jerk."

"Don't worry about it. Hey if Hermione or you had been attacked like that, I might have acted the same. Of course I already have muscles to build on."

"Seekers don't require muscles. I blame Quidditch."

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Severus was the master of patience, patience was his middle name. But even he was growing frustrated. He had given the boy plenty of time to think, two weeks in fact. Halloween was at the weekend and Severus had decided he would ask the boy then, just what his answer was. But Severus had heard of a rumour of a boy who had reverted back to his old ways.

Of not spending time with his friends and being overly attentive in class. It seemed the attack on his friend had shaken him up more then Severus could have imagined. But the boy had not come seeking him out or requested more training. Well Severus said more, they hadn't started yet.

After only a few days of not hearing from the boy Severus had taken to following him, invisible of course into the room of requirements to see just what he was doing. It felt like he was invading Harry's personal space but Severus was worried about him, until he had seen Harry training himself, then he had understood and left him alone.

He himself had gone through something similar when Lily had died and he been unable to do anything about it.

His thoughts abruptly ended when Harry walked through the door with his friend. But his heart leapt as Harry made eye contact with him. He hadn't done that even through his Potions lessons. But here Harry looked at him and smiled in reassurance. Harry was back it seemed.

Severus was the one to end the look by giving his own full of disdain. They were in the Great Hall after all. Harry would seek him in time. He just wished he had spoken about it instead of flinging himself into the good student routine once more.

Leaving the Great Hall Severus retired to his chambers. It was late and he was tired. Worrying about Harry changing his mind or reporting him had kept him awake for nights on end.

He had barely changed from his work wear into something more comfortable before his alarm sounded, indicating someone was at his classroom door. It was the evening and Severus had no desire to see anyone, a good book did not whine at him nor did it talk back. But there was the small chance it might be Harry and that alone had Severus putting his shoes back on and literally running to the door.

It was not Harry standing there but McGonagall. "Something terrible has happened."

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Harry owed Severus an explanation and to tell the man what he had decided. That not matter how difficult it might be and not matter the obstacles, Severus just might be worth it. How often was it you found someone that cared that much about you? Harry was not going to let a racist half blood stop him or anyone else.

Speaking of anyone else Harry felt his eyes instinctively fly to the Slytherin table. He had been keeping an eye on Malfoy ever since that attack. A few times Harry had been not able to find Malfoy on his map, and then he had not been able to get into the room of requirement. The little dragon was clearly up to something and Harry wanted to know what. If Death Eater activity was happening in this school Harry wanted to know about it.

Malfoy left the same time as Snape did and Harry for some reason saw this as his chance to follow the silver haired boy. Harry had to stop obsessing about Voldemort and worry about what was going on under his nose. Malfoy had a good few weeks to get up to something with Harry being to preoccupied. No now was the perfect time; everyone assumed Harry was still preoccupied.

He was led into the boy's bathroom which made Harry instantly on guard. It couldn't be coincidence that Malfoy had led him to the only one that could get to the chamber of secrets. But the giant snake was dead wasn't it? Oh Merlin what if Harry had missed something in Care of Magical Creatures and _basilisks could be reborn or something like Fawkes? _

_Wand at the ready Harry slowly opened the door praying it wouldn't squeak and give away his position. It was well oiled giving Harry the weapon of surprise. He heard Malfoy's distinctive voice muttering to himself. That gave Harry more cause for concern. His year mate sounded, well for lack of a better word mentally ill. _

_He could see Malfoy's pale face in the mirror talking to himself, shadows beneath his eyes. Not the simple grey ones from a few sleepless nights, but deep plum ones that indicated weeks of no sleep. His wand fell slightly. What If Malfoy was just ill? _

_Myrtles voice grated on Harry's nerves. Since when had Malfoy been speaking to her? "But why must you Draco?" She wheedled, floating closer to the boy._

_"My family. He has my entire family." Malfoy whispered before the unmistakable sound of crying came to Harry's ears. What could possibly be happening to make Malfoy so upset? Harry didn't know the boy even had emotions._

_"Is there no one to help you?" Myrtle actually sounded concerned. _

_"Only Snape and only because he is bound to." _

_Snape? Snape was in on whatever Malfoy was doing. No Snape wasn't in league with the Death Eaters he was on Harry's side. Snape must have been doing some spy work once again. _

_His shoe squeaked on the wet tile and Malfoy reacted firing a spell which would have burnt Harry rather painfully had he not ducked. See who needed muscles a Seekers reflexes came just as handy. _

_"Potter?" Malfoy questioned glaring at him. For a few second neither moved, both regarding the other with distrust. Malfoy reacted first sending a spell that Harry had never heard of, but if left a rather big scorch mark on the wall behind him. Thinking fast Harry tried a _Confundo spell so he could escape.

Malfoy deflected it easily with a shield before returning fire which caught Harry this time tearing his robes from his chest. Just where had Malfoy learnt these spells? They were not spells Harry had heard of but he could sense the dark magic behind them. Malfoy was a Death Eater indeed.

"You just can't keep your nose to yourself Potter. Always trying to fix things and save the world. Well your to late the world is doomed." 

"As long as I'm alive the world is never doomed. Malfoy you don't have to do this! Whatever you think your doing for Voldemort it's not worth it. Don't sell your soul for power!"

_"Of course it's worth it! You don't understand Potter your family is dead!" Malfoy screamed finally adding some colour to that pale face of his. _

_"If you work for Voldemort yours eventually will be. Not matter what he's promised you!" Harry wished he could make Malfoy understand that Voldemort's promises were always empty. "Stop being a coward and do the right thing!" _

_Malfoy snapped throwing the Cruciatus curse his way. Harry ducked and in a way was relieved. At least an unforgivable would set off the alarms and teachers would arrive shortly. _

_Harry counteracted with a binding curse but Malfoy was too quick. Without even thinking Harry thought back to his duel with Snape and of that curse that was so effective. "_Sectumsempra!_" Harry shouted not really expecting it to work._

_It was only when Malfoy was bleeding on the floor that Harry remembered what it did. He dropped his wand and ran to the boy who would not stop bleeding. Just what had he done? Harry thought in horror trying to stop the blood. He hardly noticed McGonagall coming in and pulling them apart._

_He was a monster. _

_TBC_

___P.S I know Draco doesn't attack Harry till near the end of the sixth book but for my story it had to happen now._


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

_Another Chapter for you all to enjoy. Just a quick note to thank all my loyal reviewers. Without you I may had stopped writing this a while ago. But you my reviewers and you my readers are my source of motivation._

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Severus glanced down at Harry who was cowering beneath his intent gaze. Draco had been fixed praise Merlin. Thankfully Severus knew the counter curse but it didn't explain what Harry had been doing. All remaining staff members had left leaving Severus to deal with Potter as he saw fit. It was his student harmed after all.

The bathroom was an odd setting for a reprimand however. The walls and stalls were charred were stray hexes had hit, and Severus could not move his foot without hearing the crunch of glass beneath. You could vaguely hear the water tricking down the pipes. Harry's heart was pounding; Severus could see the pulse jumping erratically in his throat.

Harry was scared.

"What happened?" He asked in his most sinister Potions master voice, the one usually reserved for scaring Longbottom. Watching as Harry swallowed nervously, his Adams apple bobbing in response.

"I followed Malfoy in here; I've suspected he's been up to something ever since I was attacked. I haven't seen him in ages so when I saw an opportunity like this, well I took it." The boy mumbled, grating on Severus's nerves.

"You could be expelled for this Potter." Severus told him coldly.

"Me? Malfoy used the unforgivable." Harry glared at him weakly. "I already feel awful the duel got out of hand and I hurt him as bad as I did." Harry sniffled pathetically.

"Luckily for you your skills are not up to scratch. For the spell to work you must be precise with your wand, to guide the spell in what to cut. Unfortunately it appears your casting was erratic which led to so many lacerations. You could have killed your class mate Potter."

"But I didn't." Harry challenged him.

"So why the tears?"

That shocked Harry into silence. Severus was impressed the boy had learnt his spell after only seeing it once, but he lacked any self discipline. Something Severus despised.

"Detention Potter to be served out every Saturday evening until your next school year. You will be spending them with me and you will be taught discipline, no more of this feeling sorry for yourself and avoiding my training, you will learn restraint, which hopefully will curb your rash decisions. Do I make my self clear?" Severus barked at him.

"Yes Sir." Harry told him sarcastically, and it did not go unnoticed by Severus how the boy dragged out the word Sir sarcastically. He had thought Harry better then this, and he expressed his dislike over a childlike attitude. He did not have time for this. Moving across the broken glass he left Harry where he was sitting sulking.

"Severus?" Harry called after him and something about his tone of voice made him stop dead in his tracks. Harry had not called him by his given name ever, it sounded erotic on the boy's tongue. "I need to ask you something." Harry stood his eyes pleading.

"I do not see the need to answer a student's whimsical question." He told him coldly.

"Whatever Malfoy is up to it seems you are involved. He mentioned that you were bound to help him."

Severus felt his heart fill with bitter coldness. He could not tell Harry what he was doing, that he would have to kill Dumbledore. Draco would never be able to complete the task set.

"Potter is has nothing to do with you." He dismissed the boy causally.

"Oh so we're back to Potter now? I told you I trusted you and now you stand there lying to me." Harry spat doing the wild gesture with his arms again.

"You are Potter when you act like a child."

"How am I acting like a child? If I hadn't used that curse Severus it would have been me in the infirmary not Malfoy. Yes I admit I was wrong but it was in self defence. I feel awful enough I don't need you to make me feel worse. You could be a bit more understanding!" Harry had the tears rolling down his face again.

Severus probably could be a bit more lenient but it seemed he had not broken out of his old habits. Of blaming Harry for everything and trying to make the evidence fit to match the crime. It was something he needed to break, Harry was indeed only defending himself, and he never attacked first. That was something he had learnt about the great Harry Potter. He very rarely sent the first spell.

Sighing Severus picked his way around the broken glass so he could be nearer Harry. "I do not doubt Malfoy struck first, but you cannot go using spells I have taught you. If he told the Dark Lord or any Death Eater what spell you had used it would be easily traceable to me. It's my signature spell, and it would be me they would come after. The Dark Lord is not stupid Harry he would put the two together. We cannot have a relationship if you do not understand the implications."

"So now I'm the stupid one?" Harry told him petulantly.

"That is not what I said." Severus could feel his temper fraying again.

"I had thought that a relationship with you was something I wanted. But you're already keeping secrets from me, how can I trust you?"

Angrily Severus stepped forward, the little whelp doubted his integrity? He lifted his hand to place it on Harry's shoulder but let it hover in mid air as Harry flinched away from him. The boy thought so little of him that he thought Severus would strike him? Severus clenched his fingers into a fist and let it fall to the side. This whole thing was a bad idea. Harry did not trust him and that was too large a problem for Severus to over come.

"It seems you can't. I'll see you tomorrow for detention."

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Harry watched Severus walk away with despair. He had not honestly thought Severus would hit him but his emotions had been to close to the surface. What did he do now? Did he wait for the awkward meeting tomorrow? Or did he chase after Severus to sort the argument now?

He looked down at the puddle at his feet. A pale faced young boy stared back at him. Was that what he wanted people to see? A young boy or the mature man inside of him?

What would a mature person do? They would run after Severus and sort this mess out, to long had Harry ran away. Of course Severus couldn't tell him his involvement with Malfoy it was probably classified and Harry understood that. He was being a child Severus was right and it was time he grew up.

Severus always brought out the best in him.

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Severus had just returned to his quarters when the alarm went off for the second time in one night. Now who was coming to bother him? Had Draco died? Was Dumbledore going to throw the boy in prison? He was within his right Draco had cast an unforgivable. Hesitating outside the door he eventually opened it revealing a very unhappy Harry Potter.

Before he could even open his mouth Harry had barged past him and shut the door behind him. "Potter just what are you?" Severus stopped mid sentence as Harry threw himself at him. His middle was circled by strong arms and his chest made a pillow for Harry's head.

"I'm sorry I doubted you. I do trust you it's just so hard. People always hide things from me I didn't want you to start. I know you have things to do in secret for the Order and for Voldemort I understand. But I hate always being left in the dark when it's my future at stake." Harry's hands tugged at his robes.

Severus stared at him masking his face to reveal nothing. He didn't have time for a young boy who wanted to play at having a relationship. But those green eyes always undid his resolve. They did when they belonged to Lily and they were more powerful more potent in Harry's face.

Inhaling sharply Severus let his head rest on top of Harry's. "I know." After a few moments Severus pulled back and lifted Harry's head with his hand. "I understand that we always seem to have things hidden from you, but I assure you they are for your own good. Professor Dumbledore and I would not keep things hidden from you that would harm you."

Severus hated the way he was changing, how soft he was becoming. But if it was only in front of Harry…well Severus thought he could deal with that. But only Harry could see this aspect of him. Only Harry did he trust enough not to be a cold bastard towards.

Harry was not convinced Dumbledore and himself had Harry's best interests at heart, though Severus could see it in his face. Well Dumbledore's methods had been a little extreme. The boy could have serious mental problems from the result of what the Headmaster had put him through. Of course Harry would never know that. It was a testament to how strong mentally he was. "You do not believe me?"

"I struggle to see how it helped sending me to face Voldemort when I was only eleven. Then a basilisk when I was twelve not forgetting…" Harry stopped at Severus's raised hand.

"Yes I can see why you think that, but think Harry how would you have felt if you suddenly found out now that you were meant to destroy the Dark Lord without any of those battles. Dumbledore in his own way was helping you mature and accept responsibility. If he had told you at eleven that you were one day destined to fight and kill the man responsible for the evil in our world, would you just have accepted that?"

"No I would probably gone crazy."

"Precisely." Severus gazed into the green eyes. "I may have done things in the past I regret but I will not strike you Harry. It hurts me to think you expect that of me." Severus may have done things he regretted in the past, but he would not strike a potential partner. That was beyond repulsive. Even by his standards.

Harry broke away from his hold and leant against a table. "I don't think you would. But I was upset and you came across as so angry. I'm sorry I said I didn't trust you, but tonight just made me feel…"

Suddenly Severus cottoned on. He understood why Harry was so upset. "Mr Malfoy was the first person you've ever injured is he not? Aside from petty hexes that students use this is the first time you've seriously injured a person."

Harry turned away, his hair falling forward to cover his face in shame.

"That is why the disarming curse is your signature move." Severus began in wonderment.

"Yes alright!" Harry shouted at him. "I'm so scared of my own damn Magic that I always try and disarm Voldemort. I'm terrified that in a duel I'll end up hurting someone by accident like Malfoy! I can't always control my Magic or how strong it is."

Severus knew the boy was afraid of his power, and that he was reluctant to kill Voldemort but that had just been the beginning. Harry was petrified he would become the next Dark Lord and Severus had always just ignored it like was just some trivial whim Harry had.

"That is why you try and stay apart from everyone." Severus concluded.

Harry looked at him eyes brimming with unshed tears, deep within a pale face. His hands were trembling and his body was shivering. The boy was suffering from shock and Severus had just left him in that bathroom. How had he not seen Harry was in shock? People could die from shock. He went to his desk and after routing around in his draws for a few moments pulled out some chocolate he had confiscated. He tossed it to the boy who attempted to catch it, but missed due to his numb fingers.

Harry was not like Severus who hurt people to make himself feel better. Severus knew he was a bully he wasn't in self denial. But here was a creature that didn't use pain, or mental anguish as a weapon to make him feel better about himself. No that was Severus and James Potter.

Harry wanted to defeat the Dark Lord to protect those he loved. Severus had thought it had been for the same reason he wanted Voldemort dead. Because he wanted revenge. Harry was not like that, he would give up his life to protect those around him.

Every time he thought he understood the boy something knew was revealed to him. It was intoxicating to Severus. Like trying to unlock the ingredients to a Potion only to find something knew was needed.

"Harry I can teach you resistant but you need to trust me when I say you are not Voldemort." Severus said his name he was not a coward. It caught Harry's attention. He had been approaching Harry all wrong trying to get the boy to unlock his power when he already had it flowing freely within his veins. Slowly he approached Harry, moving in a reassuring way rather then a predatory way which he was more used to.

The boy did not bolt just stood still looking at Severus with those wide green eyes of his.

"Harry I promise I will teach you how to harness your Magic safely, to become more focused and not a threat to anyone." Harry barely nodded but stepped forward, edging closer to Severus.

With slow tenderness they embraced Severus trying his utmost to reassure Harry when he hadn't had much experience from such things. "I know I've been a jerk and avoiding you Severus but I had other things on my mind. I wanted to become…"

"Stronger." Severus muttered into this hair trying not to breath in Harry's scent. It had been forever since that kiss and Severus was only a man after all.

"Yes."

"I understand. But Harry it occurs to me that we do not actually know each other that well. As a result of that we keep having these confrontations and it is not healthy." Severus told him exhausted.

"We do know each other Severus. You understand they way my mind works."

"But you do not understand mine and therein lay the problem." Severus pulled away.

Severus was scared of Harry learning all his dark secrets. He was terrified he wasn't good enough for the boy, how could someone tainted like him have chance in Hell of being with someone pure and righteous such as Harry Potter?

"You're not willing to pursue this?" Harry's voice rang out shocked. "But you haven't given me a chance to know you. To know Severus behind the mask of Professor Snape." Harry hung his head sadly. "I understand if that is what you wish and I'll respect it."

Severus pulled Harry close to him, holding him tightly. "Of course that's not what I wish you idiotic boy." Severus seized Harry into a kiss leaving him no escape from his ministrations, and Harry allowed it. He tasted of chocolate and all things forbidden and Severus desperately wanted more. But this was not the time or place. It wasn't as long as the previous one but it did not lack passion.

When they finished Severus held Harry to him, content with the weight of the boy in his arms. Severus may not deserve this prize he head, but he was not fool enough to look a gift horse in the mouth. Harry would fall in love with him; it was just a matter of time. "You best be going its late." Harry glanced at the door to Severus' quarters and exhaled deeply before nodding.

"Alright I'll see you tomorrow then." Harry grabbed one of his hands briefly, and then dropped it with a silly smile on his face.

When he had gone Severus himself looked at the hard wooden door to his quarters. One day possibly. But that was a long time in coming.

TBC


End file.
